whitejay

yep. I did it. I drank. I am lonely and my head is all messed up. I wonder about myself and beyond scared for drinking. I wish I had support around me, like family but I have no one. It's really hard spendng every single day alone in my head.
I wish God would hear my prayers. What a failure.

Life is too much when you have no children. no spouse, no family, no friends. Pray for me, please.

I love SR and come here every day and read all your posts and I want to thank you for all your wisdom.

Caralara144

Hi ..first of you are definitely no failure
Your human
It's not an easy thing to get sober especially on your own
Your doing great actually fantastic ...
Just keep going ...
We all fall just get right back up dust yourself off and continue with the amazing job your doing ..
Cara xx

Dandelion12

Im alone too. I am sending you thoughts and prayers for your healing. God bless you

FreedomCA

I am divorcing my husband after 9 years being together. We both chose not to have any children. It does get lonely. I am thankful for my puppy and parents. Hope you can get back on track.

whitejay

I want to be a good person and do the right thing etc...but my depression is so bad that I feel abnormal. I wonder all the time whats wrong with me.

Life is so hard and the horrible drugs that our youth are addicted to.

I am super sensitive to what I see around me every day and read in the news.

I really seriously have no idea how I how survived all these years.

God hear my prayers....I pray for all of you too.......help me heal.

Dee74

Hi whitejay - reading is good but what aboput posting a little more? making some person to person connections?

Have you looked at the September support thread at all?
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...rt-one-20.html
D

aasharon90

Faith and belief in the Man upstairs
does hear and sees all. Continue to learn
how to remain sober by incorporating a
continuous program of recovery in your
everyday life with willingness, openmindedness
and honesty to achieve success, health
and happiness.

Many in recovery dont have that support,
love, care, understanding, communication
from those we really want it from like family
or friends. Needing support from others
like us in recovery is important because
we help each other in all stages of recovery.

SR is an awesome community of caring,
understanding folks who share their own
experiences, strengths and hopes with others,
guiding each with helpful suggestions or
actions in achieving what we are striving for.

Stay strong, positive, sober or clean
moving forward as you build your firm
recovery foundation to live up for yrs to
come.

Strong, content , serene, in mind, body
and soul.

Sunflower79

Great job coming right back here.
How about a meeting or some volunteer work? That always helps me to get out of my head.
Plus you’ll be around other people and make person to person connections.

whitejay

I just got out of a 60 day live in recovery center. I go to AA 4x a wk, every wk. I have a sponsor who has 7 years sobriety.
I read and play the stock market pretty much all day.
I just am so alone. Im retired and live alone.
Just being around alot of fun people laughing and joking for 1 stupid night
bought me right back to my shame.
Thanks all my friends at SR for reaching out to me........

Gilmer

Definitely join the new September class, Whitejay.

The One Year and Under Thread is also a very helpful, encouraging, and welcoming thread in which the recovery energy is infectious.

Look at the Weekenders' thread and the 24-Hour thread, too. Lots of support and welcomes with open arms!

Anna

Whitejay, I'm glad you posted and I hope that you use SR as more of a support for you.

I wonder if there are things you could do to get outside yourself. You said you are retired, so have you thought of volunteering in your community? It can be a great way to give back and to feel good about yourself.

whitejay

Thanks Gilmer I'll do that right now.
I am needing all the help I can get.

I have always been a loner, even when I worked for 34 years at the same co.
Nope, not one single friend did I bond with in my whole career. That right there speaks volumes......

whitejay

Im going to jail sometime in Nov for my DUI's so I guess I could volunteer until then.

Gilmer

Just because you don't tend to get overly chummy with people does not mean that you can't interact with and derive joy from them.

If you smile when someone makes a positive comment, you too are interacting in a positive way.

I'll be praying for you.

EDIT: I think volunteering till November is a fine idea. It will help to send you on your potentially depressing journey with a track record of success.

In volunteering you will able to assess different types of situations and respond in a friendly way. It'll boost your confidence and stand you in good stead for the next chapter of your life.

Hevyn

Whitejay - I'm praying for you to be comforted as you go through this. I'm a sensitive, self-conscious type too - and wrongly thought alcohol helped me through difficult times. It almost took my life before I decided to fight back. I agree that posting more is a good idea - we all understand and care.

whitejay

Hevyn, when I read your posts I always connected to what you said.
I remember reading your posts years ago.

It's hell to be so affected by my environment. Literally ever day I drive to the store and see meth heads bicycling around all drugged out and I literally have to stop my car and cry for a long time.

Life pains me - most people say they ignore it - there is no way I can and it really hurts me.

aasharon90

Change the route to your store or shop elsewhere
if you have too. We who are in recovery, any phase
of recovery, in order to put our recovery life up top
and to the upmost importance to our healthy, sobriety
and welfare, we should be willing to make changes.

It is important to me that if I dont wish to
see others in their own addiction, I dont have
to. Sure it saddens me to see them, yet, for
me, I am taking care of me and my sobriety
and doing all that I can to protect it.

Also, since I cant remove any of those folks
who hang around where I like to shop, in recovery
I had to learn to accept the situation and do
something healthier to benefit from it.

There are many Walmarts around town as
an example that we can drive to any of them
at any given time to avoid folks if we like to
shop serenely, safely and in peace.

We dont have to be uncomfortable or unhappy
in sobriety. Finding new healthy ways to live
free from our addiction takes some footwork
to achieve many awesome gifts in life.

SR has many caring, concerned, understanding,
supporting folks to help you and travel along side
you on your journey in life and recovery.

Kaily

Well done for the 110 days, you haven't lost that so don't be too hard on yourself.

I am also very alone in life so I totally understand how you feel, it's so scary, lonely and difficult without any support.

I wish you well.

Gilmer

You know, even among extroverts there’s only so much “togetherness” people in friendships can share.

During your sobriety and time alone, build yourself. You will find the further you go into recovery, you will get to know and appreciate yourself better.