Poppy46

Today I suddenly started spiraling into resentment about something that happened more than 10 years ago.

It's one of many things; not particularly important in itself and there are bigger things to be resentful about.

Why does it all of a sudden have all this power?
I know it threatens my sobriety. What do I do with it?

Anna

Resentments fuel alcoholism, so, I think the best thing to do with it, is to let it go.

You might find that journaling about the situation will help. That's worked for me many times when I wanted to let it go and move on.

MantaLady

Nothing has power over you unless you give it permission. The situation is what it is and you have the power within to choose how you react to it. Don’t give it permission to bring you down. I try to use these kind of things as a catalyst for personal growth, understand why it bothers me, which of my needs were not being met in this situation to make me feel the way I do about it, what was my part in it.

Be strong and don’t let this knock you off the right path. Resentments are one of the most common reasons we often return to the devil we know but you are stronger than that, you have it in you already and just need to find that strength within xx

Dee74

Let it go.

It sounds to me like this resentment has way more power over you than it does the person/s you hold the resentment against?

like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies.

D

Poppy46

Thank you all - I'm very grateful you're out there. I responded twice and lost both posts because I left the page by accident. Decided not to frustrate myself any further today. I've been down today, no appetite, and focusing on anything seems impossible so I'm going to take a long walk. I know my brain and body have a lot of recovering to do.

Hopeful528

Good choice Poppy, walking is a great tool

Hopeful528

"Acceptance is the key to all my problems today."

Sometimes easier said than done. Its not saying things are "ok" that happened, but that we can't change it, so all of our inner angst comes from trying to fight with the fact it happened.

Accept it and let it go, not for the other person but to free yourself from further hurting yourself and repeating the hurt in your head.

Hopeful528

I think you did a great thing by walking, because exercise gets you moving and thats a great healthy choice
way to go

Poppy46

Acceptance is really difficult for me. I've fought so hard to deny or change situations, events, or outcomes.

Theprince

Do you think that maybe you needed to talk about it in order to let it go?

Anna

Oh yes!! And, yet, when you realize how little in life you can control, it's amazingly freeing. It really is.

Walking has saved my recovery many times. Try to eat something even if you don't have much of an appetite. It will help.

DontRemember

resentments and my lack of control over other people/places/things kept me drinking. Like Anna said; once you just let go of stuff(even thoughts) completely outta your control it gets easier and is freeing as hell.

Delizadee

Poppy, do you have any face to face support for situations like this?
I ask because I know that when I stop talking out loud about what's going on, sometimes just posting or writing about it is not quite enough.
If you feel like you are in a rocky situation, it might be worth reaching out to someone. "Letting go" might seem like a foreign term and having someone there to lean on in real time is super helpful..
Letting go is also not always a one time deal. Sometimes you have to find a way to turn it over, to let it go over and over. It's not always easy but it's doable.

Fearlessat50

There are some things I have never been able to accept. But I have learned to let go and move on. By doing that, I am letting go of resentments. Honestly, some of those past resentments have still popped up from time to time. But as time goes on, the intensity lessens and I move on from the negative feeling more quickly than before. When these feelings do come up, I try to change my focus to what is positive in my life and what I am doing to be a healthy responsible person. Can you allow yourself to feel your feelings and know they will pass?

MindfulMan

I'm not quite 18 months sober and lately have found my resentment greatly easing. Might be a time issue.

I don't do 12 Step, but my therapist and I started our work with a modified 4th Step. I think feeling better about myself is allowing me to drop some of the resentments.

Poppy46

There is so much in all these responses about letting go. That it gets easier with time and is easier with talking or having someone in person to lean on. I agree with everyone. Delizadee, I am working on finding a therapist because while posting is more than I was willing to do before in my recovery attempts, I feel like I'm ready to accept face to face support. I definitely know it sometimes takes turning things over multiple times and letting them go over and over.
Fearlessat50 I try hard to remind myself that feelings will pass. I love meditations on impermanence just for this. Everything passes, even the positive feelings we try so hard to hold on to.