Still drinking a bottle of vodka + a day
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London, England
Posts: 7,058
Still drinking a bottle of vodka + a day
I thought I got a hold on things a few months ago when I managed 6/7 weeks sober, longest time for many years. It felt good physically but mentally I was struggling and so alone.
I really need help but in the UK it is very difficult to get, believe me I have tried!
I live alone and have no support at all.
I tried AA for 6 months but it just wasn't for me.
I just don't know what to do anymore. It is so crazy that I just can't stop drinking much as I want to.
Please help me.
I really need help but in the UK it is very difficult to get, believe me I have tried!
I live alone and have no support at all.
I tried AA for 6 months but it just wasn't for me.
I just don't know what to do anymore. It is so crazy that I just can't stop drinking much as I want to.
Please help me.
Sick n tired
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 509
Hi Kiley. It’s a horrible vicious circle. I couldn’t do it without help and attending Aa meetings. The meetings have me a place to feel safe and understood. Hope your ok the amount you are drinking is dangerous and I can image withdrawal would be also without the help you so need. I hope the services can give you a chance and find rehab.
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London, England
Posts: 7,058
I see my GP fortnightly, for depression and blood pressure etc. She won't medicate me for withdrawals as I live alone plus surprisingly enough that's not the problem, I seem to be able to stop without severe withdrawals but I can't maintain sobriety or even achieve it at lately.
I drink every single day UNLESS I am on yet another attempt to stop which hasn't happened for a long while now.
I drink every single day UNLESS I am on yet another attempt to stop which hasn't happened for a long while now.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
I have a take what I need and leave the rest philosophy toward AA. I didn't always agree with that and tried to work the program, many times, the way it was suggested. And I kept relapsing.
For me, AA didn't help me stop drinking. But it does help me learn to live life in a way that helps me find contentment. That is invaluable. The meetings are always there....I don't have to be alone. I can hear experience far beyond my own that helps me deal with just the day to day life stuff that can really throw me off.
I'm not sure why, but I seem to have a very low tolerance for, well, anything. AA has helped me put on some emotional Kevlar...with a non stick surface no less
I am really grateful for that.
There are other programs too, like Smart, but I have only 1 meeting in my area so I just stuck with AA....where there are 100's of meetings.
For me, AA didn't help me stop drinking. But it does help me learn to live life in a way that helps me find contentment. That is invaluable. The meetings are always there....I don't have to be alone. I can hear experience far beyond my own that helps me deal with just the day to day life stuff that can really throw me off.
I'm not sure why, but I seem to have a very low tolerance for, well, anything. AA has helped me put on some emotional Kevlar...with a non stick surface no less
I am really grateful for that.There are other programs too, like Smart, but I have only 1 meeting in my area so I just stuck with AA....where there are 100's of meetings.
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
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I'm glad you found us because you will find lots of support here.
You CAN do this if you want it enough. It's good that you don't suffer withdrawals. To stay stopped, I needed to make many lifestyle changes. I had to remove a few people from my life, including a close family member. I didn't go to places where alcohol was being served for many months, until I felt comfortable. I started exercising regularly and I got back to some old hobbies I'd enjoyed.
Maybe you could come up with a plan to help you remain sober and live in recovery.
You CAN do this if you want it enough. It's good that you don't suffer withdrawals. To stay stopped, I needed to make many lifestyle changes. I had to remove a few people from my life, including a close family member. I didn't go to places where alcohol was being served for many months, until I felt comfortable. I started exercising regularly and I got back to some old hobbies I'd enjoyed.
Maybe you could come up with a plan to help you remain sober and live in recovery.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,195
I can relate. I live alone and actually spend 99% of my time alone. AA meetings or sitting in a bar is my only human contact but they are all still strangers so I consider that being alone. I am currently unemployed (lost many jobs due to my drinking) so I often just drink in my apartment alone for days on end. I have no goals or motivation as I already lost everything by age 35 (42 now). I actually thought about drinking myself to death. No reason not to drink. I literally have no incentive to be sober. I just simply don't care about anything anymore.
Although, I am currently detoxing from SSRI's and booze. Hoping I can muster some sort of motivation soon.
Although, I am currently detoxing from SSRI's and booze. Hoping I can muster some sort of motivation soon.
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London, England
Posts: 7,058
Originally Posted by Wastinglife 
I can relate. I live alone and actually spend 99% of my time alone. AA meetings or sitting in a bar is my only human contact but they are all still strangers so I consider that being alone. I am currently unemployed (lost many jobs due to my drinking) so I often just drink in my apartment alone for days on end. I have no goals or motivation as I already lost everything by age 35 (42 now). I actually thought about drinking myself to death. No reason not to drink. I literally have no incentive to be sober. I just simply don't care about anything anymore.
Although, I am currently detoxing from SSRI's and booze. Hoping I can muster some sort of motivation soon.
Although, I am currently detoxing from SSRI's and booze. Hoping I can muster some sort of motivation soon.
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Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 205
Drinking is not going to help improve your life. You’ll only find more loneliness. I say give yourselves a shot at a better life and put the booze away. It can take some hard work and time to overcome the loneliness. However it could be just a small sliver of your life looking back.
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London, England
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Originally Posted by August252015
Kaily, glad to see you back.
What were you doing during those 6-7 weeks? That is a great accomplishment from where I remember your story.
What were you doing during those 6-7 weeks? That is a great accomplishment from where I remember your story.
I wish I knew how I managed it, I had been reading a lot of AVRT threads and something just clicked and days suddenly became weeks. I was so pleased with myself, almost smug in a way and truly believed I wouldn't drink again. Then I hit a very bad patch of anxiety/depression plus loneliness and within a few weeks I was back where I started.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,195
Kaily, looks like we are struggling with the same things. My longer sober periods were derailed by loneliness and anxiety. I was sober 8 months and Christmas was approaching. Knowing I would be spending the holidays alone weighed on me heavily and 2 days before Christmas Day, I developed a painful rash on my abdomen. Christmas morning it morphed into painful blisters covering the right side of my abdomen. Quick Google search of my symptoms the first thing that came up was Shingles. 2 weeks of the most awful pain I had ever felt ensued.
I was 35 at the time which is quite young for Shingles. It's rare for people under 50 to develop it. Shingles is thought to be triggered by prolonged periods of stress and anxiety to the point that the immune system is compromised. The anxiety I felt with being alone and isolated during the holidays actually affected my immune system. I drank vodka all day for those couple weeks. 8 months sobriety and I end up with the chicken pox virus (Shingles is a reawakening of the virus after you had it as a kid, but this time with pain)
I was 35 at the time which is quite young for Shingles. It's rare for people under 50 to develop it. Shingles is thought to be triggered by prolonged periods of stress and anxiety to the point that the immune system is compromised. The anxiety I felt with being alone and isolated during the holidays actually affected my immune system. I drank vodka all day for those couple weeks. 8 months sobriety and I end up with the chicken pox virus (Shingles is a reawakening of the virus after you had it as a kid, but this time with pain)
The opposite of addiction is connection.
Join Date: Nov 2017
Location: Oregon, USA
Posts: 373
Hi Kaily,
Like you and Wastinglife, I live alone and spend a lot of time alone. Since I moved to a new state last year, I haven't made any new real friends. Loneliness and isolation are triggers for me. Being on this site, for me, really helps me feel connected to others with the same issues and challenges.
Is there any place you can go -like to visit family? I know when I've had really bad drinking episodes in the past I went to stay with my sister, and having others around for companionship and support was super helpful for me.
Like you and Wastinglife, I live alone and spend a lot of time alone. Since I moved to a new state last year, I haven't made any new real friends. Loneliness and isolation are triggers for me. Being on this site, for me, really helps me feel connected to others with the same issues and challenges.
Is there any place you can go -like to visit family? I know when I've had really bad drinking episodes in the past I went to stay with my sister, and having others around for companionship and support was super helpful for me.
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,199
Hi Kaily, I thought I might post my own experience of alcoholism and sobriety as it is not so far removed from yours. Like you I am a Londoner who lives alone and I absolutely "get" how isolating that is, similarly I drank at home alone, whiskey in my case and so like you I was only harming myself.
I couldn't quit, I was 54 and had been drinking to much for decades and alcoholicaly for years. The cravings would build up and up every evening, no matter how ill I was feeling from the day before and before long I would trudge of out to buy more poison. Rinse repeat daily. Not being able to resist the cravings for ever is terrifying, my best ever was 49 days or seven weeks but in my last couple of years of drinking my best was only 23 days, I couldn't even hold out a month. I did use AA and indeed I did get some comfort from the fact that other people with similar background, experiences and drinking habits to mine had managed to quit. It wasn't enough though for when I was on my own and contemplating going to bed without drinking.
Ultimately, some time around the end of 2014, early 2015 I knew that the only way I was ever going to succeed was to reduce the cravings, white knuckling was not going to work (and I think I am strong willed) so I tried something born out of hope and desperation rather than a thought through plan.
I forced myself to overcome huge reluctance and to get up and out of bed at 5.45am, to go outside and walk or jog. Every day (almost) no matter what the weather, for a minimum of an hour. It was hard to begin with, I was starting in January and did not even have waterproofs. But set against that was the fact that this was the fight of my life, I could not carry on like I was for much longer.
The result - by 9pm in the evenings I was shattered but in a good way. Bedtime was now something to be savoured rather than feared and it took place at 10pm rather than blacking out at midnight. Craving time reduced by 80-90%. Another benefit that occurred after a while I felt fitter and started eating much more healthily. Lastly my mood and spirit improved as a consequence of the diet and exercise and I am now content with my own company but not adverse to friendship.
For you Kaily and you Wastinglife it might be worth trying something along similar lines as trying something similar, based around your own lifestyle, is unlikely to do you any harm (unless you get run over in the dark - I run or walk along the canal towpath to avoid traffic)
If that doesn't suit you do keep looking for something that does.
I wish you all the best.
I couldn't quit, I was 54 and had been drinking to much for decades and alcoholicaly for years. The cravings would build up and up every evening, no matter how ill I was feeling from the day before and before long I would trudge of out to buy more poison. Rinse repeat daily. Not being able to resist the cravings for ever is terrifying, my best ever was 49 days or seven weeks but in my last couple of years of drinking my best was only 23 days, I couldn't even hold out a month. I did use AA and indeed I did get some comfort from the fact that other people with similar background, experiences and drinking habits to mine had managed to quit. It wasn't enough though for when I was on my own and contemplating going to bed without drinking.
Ultimately, some time around the end of 2014, early 2015 I knew that the only way I was ever going to succeed was to reduce the cravings, white knuckling was not going to work (and I think I am strong willed) so I tried something born out of hope and desperation rather than a thought through plan.
I forced myself to overcome huge reluctance and to get up and out of bed at 5.45am, to go outside and walk or jog. Every day (almost) no matter what the weather, for a minimum of an hour. It was hard to begin with, I was starting in January and did not even have waterproofs. But set against that was the fact that this was the fight of my life, I could not carry on like I was for much longer.
The result - by 9pm in the evenings I was shattered but in a good way. Bedtime was now something to be savoured rather than feared and it took place at 10pm rather than blacking out at midnight. Craving time reduced by 80-90%. Another benefit that occurred after a while I felt fitter and started eating much more healthily. Lastly my mood and spirit improved as a consequence of the diet and exercise and I am now content with my own company but not adverse to friendship.
For you Kaily and you Wastinglife it might be worth trying something along similar lines as trying something similar, based around your own lifestyle, is unlikely to do you any harm (unless you get run over in the dark - I run or walk along the canal towpath to avoid traffic)
If that doesn't suit you do keep looking for something that does.
I wish you all the best.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London, England
Posts: 7,058
Originally Posted by saoutchik
Hi Kaily, I thought I might post my own experience of alcoholism and sobriety as it is not so far removed from yours. Like you I am a Londoner who lives alone and I absolutely "get" how isolating that is, similarly I drank at home alone, whiskey in my case and so like you I was only harming myself.
I couldn't quit, I was 54 and had been drinking to much for decades and alcoholicaly for years. The cravings would build up and up every evening, no matter how ill I was feeling from the day before and before long I would trudge of out to buy more poison. Rinse repeat daily. Not being able to resist the cravings for ever is terrifying, my best ever was 49 days or seven weeks but in my last couple of years of drinking my best was only 23 days, I couldn't even hold out a month. I did use AA and indeed I did get some comfort from the fact that other people with similar background, experiences and drinking habits to mine had managed to quit. It wasn't enough though for when I was on my own and contemplating going to bed without drinking.
Ultimately, some time around the end of 2014, early 2015 I knew that the only way I was ever going to succeed was to reduce the cravings, white knuckling was not going to work (and I think I am strong willed) so I tried something born out of hope and desperation rather than a thought through plan.
I forced myself to overcome huge reluctance and to get up and out of bed at 5.45am, to go outside and walk or jog. Every day (almost) no matter what the weather, for a minimum of an hour. It was hard to begin with, I was starting in January and did not even have waterproofs. But set against that was the fact that this was the fight of my life, I could not carry on like I was for much longer.
The result - by 9pm in the evenings I was shattered but in a good way. Bedtime was now something to be savoured rather than feared and it took place at 10pm rather than blacking out at midnight. Craving time reduced by 80-90%. Another benefit that occurred after a while I felt fitter and started eating much more healthily. Lastly my mood and spirit improved as a consequence of the diet and exercise and I am now content with my own company but not adverse to friendship.
For you Kaily and you Wastinglife it might be worth trying something along similar lines as trying something similar, based around your own lifestyle, is unlikely to do you any harm (unless you get run over in the dark - I run or walk along the canal towpath to avoid traffic)
If that doesn't suit you do keep looking for something that does.
I wish you all the best.
I couldn't quit, I was 54 and had been drinking to much for decades and alcoholicaly for years. The cravings would build up and up every evening, no matter how ill I was feeling from the day before and before long I would trudge of out to buy more poison. Rinse repeat daily. Not being able to resist the cravings for ever is terrifying, my best ever was 49 days or seven weeks but in my last couple of years of drinking my best was only 23 days, I couldn't even hold out a month. I did use AA and indeed I did get some comfort from the fact that other people with similar background, experiences and drinking habits to mine had managed to quit. It wasn't enough though for when I was on my own and contemplating going to bed without drinking.
Ultimately, some time around the end of 2014, early 2015 I knew that the only way I was ever going to succeed was to reduce the cravings, white knuckling was not going to work (and I think I am strong willed) so I tried something born out of hope and desperation rather than a thought through plan.
I forced myself to overcome huge reluctance and to get up and out of bed at 5.45am, to go outside and walk or jog. Every day (almost) no matter what the weather, for a minimum of an hour. It was hard to begin with, I was starting in January and did not even have waterproofs. But set against that was the fact that this was the fight of my life, I could not carry on like I was for much longer.
The result - by 9pm in the evenings I was shattered but in a good way. Bedtime was now something to be savoured rather than feared and it took place at 10pm rather than blacking out at midnight. Craving time reduced by 80-90%. Another benefit that occurred after a while I felt fitter and started eating much more healthily. Lastly my mood and spirit improved as a consequence of the diet and exercise and I am now content with my own company but not adverse to friendship.
For you Kaily and you Wastinglife it might be worth trying something along similar lines as trying something similar, based around your own lifestyle, is unlikely to do you any harm (unless you get run over in the dark - I run or walk along the canal towpath to avoid traffic)
If that doesn't suit you do keep looking for something that does.
I wish you all the best.
I do go out walking with my dogs everyday, in the past I would power walk for fitness but now one of my dogs is over 17 so we just mooch along..that said I am no longer capable of walking miles at speed anymore. Fatness and lack of fitness plus constant hangovers don't help!
I will keep trying to find something to help me but often feel like I am sinking fast.
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,870
Kaliyah, it is so good to have you back with us.
I am so sorry to hear that you are struggling.
Try deliving back into AVRT. Get hold of a copy of Rational Revovery and read it cover to cover. Your power to beat that AV is still within you. Channel that power. You can do this.
I am so sorry to hear that you are struggling.
Try deliving back into AVRT. Get hold of a copy of Rational Revovery and read it cover to cover. Your power to beat that AV is still within you. Channel that power. You can do this.
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