FreedomCA

I relapsed after getting 7 days sober. I’ve been drinking the past 2 days. I threw out the rest of my alcohol before midnight so today is my Day 1. I now have to go through the same panic and anxiety and depression that I somehow got through 9 days ago. It’s not going to be easy.

Meraviglioso

Get up and at it again, you can do this. It took a lot for me to get out of the regular relapse cycle, which in reality was just drinking with small breaks in between.
What helped me is adding something new to my recovery toolbox every single time. If it didn't work then something was obviously wrong or missing. You have to be willing to do anything, even things you previously said you wouldn't or couldn't do.
I believe in you.

FreedomCA

I’m just trying to get to bed and drink lots of water. I don’t have to work tomorrow so I can rest through the day. Should probably go to a meeting. My goal is to beat my 7 day mark. Day 1’s always suck!

Meraviglioso

They do suck. A meeting sounds good. So does water. I would highly recommend doing something mildly productive as well, it does a lot for your anxiety and depression to feel good about something you have done. Even something simple if you can't manage much- change the sheets on your bed, take out the trash, wipe down the kitchen...

FreedomCA

My husband and I are going to start couples therapy to get back together. We both feel so incomplete not being with one another. We were best friends and so happy when things were good. Both of us are struggling being single and unhappy.

FreedomCA

My husband just came over. He just left for work. He is agreeable to couples counseling. I don’t think either one of us was able to adjust to the divorce. We were so close. I’m beginning to think we are truly soulmates. We were slowly dying without each other.

Dee74

I hope you can work out what you need to add to what you've been doing to stay sober.

I know the temptation is to say I'll do better when x happens, be it a new job, a new place to live, or the resumption of a relationship...

but I really believe our recovery needs to be independent of any of the upheavals in our day to say month to month lives..

It really believe recovery needs to be a constant - no matter what else is happening, good or bad?

D

FreedomCA

I think you’re right Dee. For whatever reason I just can’t cope with being alone. I am so sad. I couldn’t adjust to a life of having someone always there to nothing. The shift was too great for me. Is this an excuse to drink? Absolutely not. But I have been drinking. I want back the life when my husband and I were happy. Something felt so unnatural about the dissolution of my marriage.

Delilah1

I'm glad you're back today Freedom. Hope things go well with counseling.

Tonymblue

Hang in there. You can do it.

Anna

I agree with Dee's comments.

I hope you make this your last Day 1.

lessgravity

You've been fighting this demon a long time FC. I've been through a divorce with someone who I still love, even though our marriage ended years ago. I wish I had been sober during those days. The clarity you will get from putting down the poison is so valuable, will help you so much during these days.

Hoping you can find the strength to do so.

FreedomCA

So far so good.

FreedomCA

Sucks that I’m having to go through the exhaustion today again. But I had no other choice other than to keep on drinking. So far what I’ve added to my plan is eliminating caffeine which makes my anxiety worse and deleting my online dating site accounts. I have also decided to put on hold getting back together with my ex.

FreedomCA

Almost done with Day 1. I’m going to ride out the rest of the day in bed. Go to sleep soon.