7 weeks today
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: Dublin
Posts: 78
7 weeks today
Wen't too a meeting on Sunday night, it was a step meeting and although I am only starting the book, I wanted too get it as with work I had not got one for 3 days.
They where on step 9. I left that meeting with knots in my stomach, not been able too put a sentence together, putting it down too anxiety and already trying too justify cutting out some meetings as I prefered others etc etc.It triggered something, brought back stuff unkownst. What I really was doing is what I have always done, running from the problem, sweeping it under the mat, doing anything possible too get away from as opposed too dealing or feeling stuff (some stuff you cannot fix) for the first time for real.
I did not nor think about drinking/using but I am also well aware the start of relapse was there and it was already grinding me down in my head. May have not happened but had I had left it and not spoke too somebody about it the next day, It would have been very dangerous.
I am glad I got this "wake up call" as I have sailed through things way too easy and its good too be reminded of the way our minds work, how quick and easy if we are not strong of have good coping mechanisms, foundations we can be back out at the blink of an eye!
Just wanted too share this as I hope somebody gets something from this and can know whats happening if this happens too you. Stay strong out there,
Glenn
They where on step 9. I left that meeting with knots in my stomach, not been able too put a sentence together, putting it down too anxiety and already trying too justify cutting out some meetings as I prefered others etc etc.It triggered something, brought back stuff unkownst. What I really was doing is what I have always done, running from the problem, sweeping it under the mat, doing anything possible too get away from as opposed too dealing or feeling stuff (some stuff you cannot fix) for the first time for real.
I did not nor think about drinking/using but I am also well aware the start of relapse was there and it was already grinding me down in my head. May have not happened but had I had left it and not spoke too somebody about it the next day, It would have been very dangerous.
I am glad I got this "wake up call" as I have sailed through things way too easy and its good too be reminded of the way our minds work, how quick and easy if we are not strong of have good coping mechanisms, foundations we can be back out at the blink of an eye!
Just wanted too share this as I hope somebody gets something from this and can know whats happening if this happens too you. Stay strong out there,
Glenn
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
For me,and I've never formally worked the steps, it was getting through those uncomfortable thoughts/feelings that protected me. I mean,say I had 3mo sober and life presented me with something that puts me in fight/flight mode..my only coping technique was to run/hide(drink) from it. Facing those 'fears' and learning how to handle them (like an adult) is a huge part of my recovery.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Madison, WI
Posts: 32
It's good you had the insight to stop and take a look at your reaction to that meeting instead of just automatically putting it down to anxiety or preference for different topics in meetings, etc. but to really look at how you were feeling and talk to someone about it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: Dublin
Posts: 78
14 months
Just looking back at old threads, posts from myself.
If anybody new looks at this post and keeps relapsing or wondering as too why you do it again and again, keep going, I and most of us do it also.
Wow, what a 14 months it has been! Was it all roses? Most certainly not. I lost a child in December of last year, my mother also got very sick around the same time and it hasnt been the kindest of years in that regards BUT the important part, I didn't have too drink or use drugs over any if it!
What did I do? What worked for me? I kept on going, trying and eventually fully surrendered. I got a sponsor and went through the 12 step program, went too meetings regularly, picked up service.
Do I stop now that I am 14 months clean and sober? Most certainly not! I do more now in means of bringing others through the work and put in more effort in meetings sharing the message.
Life on life's terms is not easy but my life today even with the troubles of the last year is a million miles away from what it used too be. I am reliable today, a father, a brother, a son, a partner. I no longer just exist and appreciate the little things, life has so much too offer.
Blessed too have a child 2 days ago now aswell so the year ended really bright. Just thought I'd pop in and hope somebody new or struggling reads this and gets some hope. There is a way out. Hope all is well,
Glenn
If anybody new looks at this post and keeps relapsing or wondering as too why you do it again and again, keep going, I and most of us do it also.
Wow, what a 14 months it has been! Was it all roses? Most certainly not. I lost a child in December of last year, my mother also got very sick around the same time and it hasnt been the kindest of years in that regards BUT the important part, I didn't have too drink or use drugs over any if it!
What did I do? What worked for me? I kept on going, trying and eventually fully surrendered. I got a sponsor and went through the 12 step program, went too meetings regularly, picked up service.
Do I stop now that I am 14 months clean and sober? Most certainly not! I do more now in means of bringing others through the work and put in more effort in meetings sharing the message.
Life on life's terms is not easy but my life today even with the troubles of the last year is a million miles away from what it used too be. I am reliable today, a father, a brother, a son, a partner. I no longer just exist and appreciate the little things, life has so much too offer.
Blessed too have a child 2 days ago now aswell so the year ended really bright. Just thought I'd pop in and hope somebody new or struggling reads this and gets some hope. There is a way out. Hope all is well,
Glenn
Glad you didn't drink. 
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,670
me- you were very perceptive making the connection to behavior and dangerous thinking and the need to keep on fighting the good fight. To me- my recovery is everything, self respect- making the bed, showering, eating well (mostly)-any lapses for me is dangerous. A sign of my depression, to isolate, then maybe become complicit- then relapse- and if that happens, I would die.
Support to you.
Support to you.
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