Update and Sleep/fear of death
 

Hey guys,

So on day 12 - had to just work that out.

Actually doing really well. Cravings have decreased, mood is much better. Basically from waking up till i get in bed is good 90% of the time.

But when i get in bed the thought of death brings a huge way of anxeity over me. Ive been through phases in the past with this. But i think sobriety has triggered this period.

It's the thought of dying and there being no afterlife. And also how quick life seems to be going. I'm 33 now.

Any thoughts on how to deal with this will be much appreciated :-)

The best way I found to get over health concerns was to go get a complete physical.

You'll find there's very little reason for you to worry about dying just yet, Al :)

D

First, congratulations on 12 days of sobriety, it is great that you are feeling better.

Forgive me if I have misunderstood but what you describe sounds more like an existential crisis rather than a fear over lingering health issues.

Having read your words that way I immediately thought of the wonderful, wonderful psychologist and author Irvin D. Yalom. He is a specialist in existential psychotherapy.

Here is a short paragraph from one of my all-time favorite books (by anyone) "Love's Executioner"

"I have found that four givens are particularly relevant to psychotherapy: the inevitability of death for each of us and for those we love; the freedom to make our lives as we will; our ultimate aloneness; and, finally, the absence of any obvious meaning or sense to life. However grim these givens may seem, they contain the seeds of wisdom and redemption. I hope to demonstrate, in these ten tales of psychotherapy, that it is possible t confront the truths of existence and harness their power in the service of personal change and growth"

I gained an immense amount from reading this book, although for reasons unrelated to fear of death, and would highly recommend it to absolutely anyone. I think that anyone could gain something from reading it, but your comments made me think it would be particularly of interest- and hope and help- to you.

My mind was all over the place for a couple months. I'd have good and bad days,but the bad lessened the more distance I put between myself and my last drink.

That was one of the biggest things for me when I stopped drinking, too. I've always a been a secular/atheist/existentialist. It's hard to imagine not existing when I've existed my whole life.:lmao Those thoughts of dissolution were buried by alcohol but being sober I'm forced to confront them.

Research has shown that acetominophen actually reduces existential dread. Seems like kicking the can down the road but it could help. Humanity has been grappling with the concepts of death and mortality for hundreds of thousands of years so I doubt I can offer anything novel. But I just try to dwell on living in the moment and living my best life. Also I try to be a good person, even when no one is looking. If I can leave the world better than I found it then I've made my mark.

I’ve never told anyone this before.

I think about this existential stuff a lot, too, and I’m a little obsessive about dates and numbers and stuff. And I know that I will die. I don’t know when or how, but for sure that I will. I often wonder, what will my death day be? Well it won’t matter because I will be dead, but still, it’s an important day, because it’s the one that marks the end of days for my life. My birthday marked the beginning. So there’s no way of knowing the (inverse of anniversary) of my death day. It could be today, Sept. 24. I won’t know. One of these days in 365 (or 366 on leap year) will be the day. My birthday is special. My death day is also special. So I should observe every day as special, because it could be the (inverse of anniversary) of my future death.

Please don’t make fun of me lol. It’s one of the quirky things that helps me deal and keep my chin up, and my life in perspective. It works for me.

33 is a great age. Keep at it, the living, the musing, and the sobriety.

bexxed