Finalcall

2 periods of abstinence this calender year the latest being 28 days. I genuinely felt better and more sure of myself. Once again the drink has got a hold of me.
I have reduced consumption over the past 2 days with the full intention of not drinking for the foreseeable future. Atleast 3 months of zero.
It truly is poison to my mental wellbeing. Never delivers on expectations and only leaves me wanting more. Caught in its trap.
Straight up alcoholic.
Here is the beginning of change.

Wastinglife

I am trapped in the same cycle. In past 7 years, i have had sober periods of 8 months, 6 months, several 30 day periods and many 1 or 2 week periods. The booze always comes calling. I can't seem to deal with my problems without being overwhelmed and needing a respite. My mental health is reaching new lows however. I get fleeting thoughts of suicide after each binge. Something I never experienced before.
I am way too old for this BS now.

Finalcall

Some impressive time off there wastinglife. Its bad how a substance that we crave to make us feel better really does do the opposite.
A long week ahead for me.
Trying better ways to spend my time and eventually get more happiness from my time here.
First days literally hurt my brain.
We are both here with intentions for a better life.
Keep in touch

Gerard52

The important thing is you are still here and still trying. Be thankful you can still stop and work on that angst.

Dee74

I hope you guys can make this the turning point. Eventually even I had to roll my eyes at the idea that this time it might be different.

Its never different.
Alcohol and I have a toxic relationship - always have always will.

D

yinzer

Keep trying, guys. Add some more tools to you toolbox to cover the triggers that keep taking you back to the drink.

Wastinglife, those suicidal thoughts sound really scary.

Nonsensical

This was KEY for me in 'turning the corner'. I did many periods of not drinking, all the while daydreaming about drinking. It was when I finally made the extra effort to find things I wanted to do with my time that life without alcohol became preferable for me.

Best of Luck on Your Journey!

brighterday1234

Acceptance of my alcoholism was and is crucial.

Hawking22

I hope there's some comfort in knowing you're not alone (WastingLife and FinalCall <3); I've definitely been there, and every time I step back out, even if just for a few hours, there is certainly no emotional reprieve achieved. I may feel like I have nothing to show (or AV and my inner monologue may tell me that!) for X amount of sober time I have, but I certainly don't have anything to show for non-clean time. Just gratitude no other YETS occurred and learning more about myself and my addiction.

This journey does not lack in its mystique.

Helianthus

Hi FinalCall

I think you are very strong to keep trying, personally l never found it helpful to put a time frame on how long l was going to attempt to be sober for. For me it lead to an end point where l felt that l could reward myself for reaching it. One day at a time as the AA'rs say is a helpful concept.

Good luck

lessgravity

FC - whats up man. Failing and falling down and getting up - trite as it might sound I truly believe that is part of the process for getting sober.

I know your posts, the one about buying the beer and pouring it down the drain. I was where you are now.

Like you said - your intention, even just being here and checking in, demonstrates your desire, deep down, to finally rid your life if this evil demon. It's in you - this self that wants to be free. And you can give that self the peace and calm and opportunities it deserves.