PinnacleOR

For no particular reason I woke up today feeling down, depressed. I know it’s super early in recovery and that feelings go up and down, but I felt it was a good idea to post and share. I think I’ll need ways to get out of my own head today...

orderfororder

It is indeed helpful to write things out sometimes. Sometimes I can feel incredibly down in the dumps, but then I'll write it out or express it somewhere and the feeling seems to all but evaporate. Catharsis, I believe it's called.

And, yes, highs and lows are to be expected in early recovery. And sometimes you just get a string of cloudy days in a row and it makes things feel all the more bleak. But just as the clouds eventually pass on, so do the feelings. It's just a matter of staying strong.

Maybe you could try a new recipe? Something a little more complicated or beyond your usual scope? Or try and look into something you've always wanted to build or make or learn? That's what's been helping me lately.

D122y

Pinn,

It gets better every day for me. Booze jacked my ability to have fun naturally. I work out about 4 to 7 days a week. I watch lots of comedy on TV and in real life.
I do nice things for people. I forgive and don't expect forgiveness.

I made my bed today and had steak and eggs for breakfast. On my second and last cup of coffee.

I am sober well over 12 months, 26 of I don't count the 1/2 shot back in 2017, 39 months if I don't count the shot in 2016. But....who is counting...

I am better off now than when I was an active drunk...and that is likely similar to everyone here.

It takes years to normalize after being a drunk.

Thanks.

FreedomCA

I get depressed a lot at 6 days

Dee74

how are you feeling now Pinnacle?

D

PhoenixJ

Perhaps go 'humaning'? Just walk around a shopping centre- or just walk. Get out of your home space. Even something as pedestrian as going to the local library or community centre.
Support to you.

Gottalife

Ups and downs are quite normal as the body tries to find equilibrium once we stop using the depressant alcohol. "It will pass" I was constantly assured, and it did, at least in the very early days.

A little way into sobriety was a bit different as I started getting lows from what I later found was selfish behaviour. It's hard to be selfish and happy at the same time I found. This was the type of low that would get me drinking, but I found a way to deal with that too.

yinzer

I actually find that being out in nature helps. A walk in the park always lifts my spirits. However, it’s been raining for days where I’m at so maybe you could do what PhoenixJ suggests if it’s lousy weather where you are.
Hope you are feeling better today.

PinnacleOR

Thanks for the ideas everyone. I love nature, and I definitely would welcome more people in my life!

My main trigger is feeling alone and disconnected- which I am. I was an isolating drinker, taking bottles home and drinking alone until I passed out. I've disconnected myself from many past friends, and I haven't had a relationship in, well, almost forever. I worry about dying old and alone. It seems to be worst in the evenings when I get home to my solo apartment after work, and tired.

I completely own my loneliness, it's a bed I created all myself. As I've gotten older and gained weight, I've also developed body self esteem issues. So for me to recover I'm going to need to dig in to issues around connection with others. For the immediate term, I need to deploy recovery tools, including posting here. And really, my loneliness is me being self absorbed, isn't it? There are billions of people in this world - if I am able to, in the moment of loneliness, recognize it as self seeking and turn to another, won't that help?


I once read that, "loneliness is an invitation to respond to the world." Seems about right...

PhoenixJ

Thus my invented word'humaning'. I seldom speak to people out in the world- but making an effort helps me a little.
Support to you.

TeeJayVerm

I'm having my "moment" today (Day 8) as we speak. I seem to have that moment daily. Hang in there... we both will know eventually that our feelings of depression are fleeting and will pass. Typing this is helping me already.

LoveHateWhine

Hi Pinnacle -

Like TeeJay, I am also having a "moment". Came home from my yoga class just now and started to get upset. I too only drink when isolated and lonely at home. I can go out with others and be just fine, no issues. I have been seeing a therapist and also recently saw a holistic practitioner - both told me the same thing. That I need to be connected to others.

I joined a couple of Meet Up groups and am going to a dinner on Wednesday night with one of them. If you haven't checked out Meet Up groups, go to their webiste and put in your zip code and you will find hundreds of differnt groups with various interests. So far I have joined a group for people who like Italian Foods and two groups for Hiking and Walking. There is another one I am contemplating joining and it is just called City Socials, for people who want to get out and explore the City I live in. There are Meet Ups all over the US.

Hang in there. It will get better and usually does after a few weeks of being alcohol free. I have recently started over myself. Keep at it.

PinnacleOR

Thanks Love, I’ve joined some meetup groups here, now I just need to get out and get over my self esteem issues!

D122y

Pinn,

When folks that work out or are trying to exercise see a heavier person working on their fitness, there is total support.

I love seeing this when I go to the gym or am driving in my car.

Just going for a short walk starts the ball rolling. I remember not being able to run 100 feet without stopping. Now I can make it 1 mile in about 9 minutes.

But, then I walk for .3 miles, run .6, walk .3, run .6, walk .3. This takes about 33 minutes or so.

I am working on getting up to 3 miles without stopping and getting the time down to about 21 minutes or less.

It is a dream, but definitely gives me a goal and a reason to not drink and to take care of myself.

The endorphins are amazing.

Thanks.