145 Days
 

I'm at a slump. A real slump. I've been craving alcohol a lot. I'm not going to drink- I know I'm not, I just am sick of constantly being in my head. Ever since my 5th step I've been so painfully aware of myself- aware of my breath, aware of my thoughts, aware of every action I do and how I'm harming myself or others. I don't feel that relief you're supposed to feel after the 5th step- I feel suffocated. A bottle of wine or two would knock me out and make me forget all this. Of course, I'd have to pick up a white chip in the morning and start the whole ******* thing over. Which would be EXTREMELY dissapointing. I'm just sick of feeling so.....sober.

Pretty raw there. Thank you for sharing.

The good news, you can get past all this, be better, know better, do better and feel so much better!

It sure isn't easy making changes especially when we lived that way we were for so long.

This too shall pass!

Good idea to not pick up sounds like you played that tape forward! Great strides you are taking :)

Blessings,
DC

Sorry things are a bit rough bringmeback - what does your sponsor say about how you're feeling?
D

I'm a couple of days behind you and have had a slump myself, I don't do AA and I don't know what step 5 is but are you pushing it too hard and going too fast maybe? I get a bit burned out sometimes trying to be the better, sober person I want to be. I'm at the stage now where I don't think about drinking every day anymore so I just take a few days off, I don't come here, I don't read sober lit or watch anything addiction related.

It sounds like you need to ease up a bit and give yourself a break, what's the point in AA /all this work if you get so frustrated it makes you want to drink?

Glad you shared. I can relate to feeling so raw after 4 and 5- I clearly remember falling apart completely on the phone with my sponsor then in the middle of the night. My boyfriend, now husband, woke up because of my overwhelming sobbing.

You are in the right path and for me, being gentle with myself in terms of making progress, not hurriedness to get on with 6 and beyond, was important- and OK.

Keep going, friend.

Helianthus, good points here. Step 4 is making a list of all people we have harmed, step 5 is becoming willing to make amends to them all. We don't actually make them yet, we accept that we are willing to(step 9 is making them). It is very emotional and getting to step 5 is huge because 4 can be so overwhelming for many of us that it is a common point of relapse.

But this stage doesn't have to be- like I said, I needed to trust the progress I had made and could keep making, and with my sponsor and other friends' help, keep going at a speed I could.

I don't get step 5 and why it is necessary to confess your short comings to another person. The big book even goes as far that you should confess even if you could go to jail. It is about control and hooking people in by making them feel guilty and then AA provides relief.

There isn't a person alive that hasn't done bad things. Forgive yourself and move on.

Step 8 is willingness to make amends to others.

Congrats on 145 days!

Hang in there, it was still awful for me at that point also. The whole first year was just not drinking for me.

How are you going bringmeback?

D

sounds like a good question for your sponsor.

D

No it isn't the question is rhetorical.

I don't have a sponsor thank you very much.