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I am a loser

Old 09-21-2018, 11:39 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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You are not a loser. Not at all.

I see you putting up roadblocks to positive change though.

"I can't afford help" Check out what free help is available to you in the area
"I'm shy" You don't have to talk in AA, you can go and listen at first. Maybe talk privately with someone you feel you might connect with.
"I can't afford a treadmill" Go for a walk outside, it's free.

For cravings have you considered some of the medications that are available? I was on Campral for a while and found it to be very helpful in reducing the frequency and intensity of my cravings. They still came, sometimes, but were much more easy to manage. If paying for a doctor's appointment or the medication is an issue do some research and find out if there are any free or reduced cost addiction centres near you that can offer an appointment with a doctor and the medication at a price you can afford.

Oh and stay close to SR, we are here for you.
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Old 09-21-2018, 12:28 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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How's it going, Secretchord?
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Old 09-21-2018, 01:31 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Not to negate your feelings or the feelings of others, but one thing I've noticed about both alcoholics in the midst of it and those in early recovery is that there is a lot of shame and self contempt surrounding us. A lot of self imposed negative energy. The alcohol clearly exacerbates these feelings. What you need is some sober time to collect yourself and approach the source of these feelings head on.
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Old 09-21-2018, 01:46 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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You are not a loser, just stuck in the battle with addiction. I think an action plan is definitely needed to help get through the cravings. As for exercise, start at home. Chores are great exercise - they get you up and moving! I get most of my steps in doin laundry as I fold in one room and then take small piles to each room of the house. It’s a start, right? Do you have one friend or one family member you can confide in? Perhaps that could help with having someone to talk to??
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Old 09-21-2018, 04:22 PM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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Hope you feel a little better today secretchord?

D
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Old 09-21-2018, 08:19 PM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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Hey secretchord. You are not a loser, but I understand this feeling as I struggle with it myself. You are doing the right thing by posting here; there are people here 24/7 who will help. SR has been a vital part of my recovery.,
I never thought I could stop drinking--that I was helpless, that I was a 'loser.' I was wrong. I kept trying; it took a very traumatic event to initiate my current sobriety but I got deadly serious ( it was almost a fatal end with me) and currently have 2 years 9 months of remission from this terrible disease.
I hope you are doing well; I am thinking of you today. You can do this. We are here for you.
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Old 11-27-2018, 05:25 PM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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Not good. I'm still a loser. Hope everyone else is good. I can't understand this crap. I hate to start drama here and that's not why I post. I'm not sure why I'm here again. My best friend said she's upset with me for drinking again. I'm sorry I'm here bothering you sober people. I wish I were you. I wish I had your strength.
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Old 11-27-2018, 05:35 PM
  # 28 (permalink)  
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I don't have any secret strength, but what I do have is a desire to stay sober more than any desire to drink. It took me a while to get to the point where I wasn't thinking about drinking all the time, but I had to make it thru the rough times to get there.
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Old 11-27-2018, 05:40 PM
  # 29 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by secretchord View Post
I'm sorry I'm here bothering you sober people. I wish I were you. I wish I had your strength.
It takes a lot of strength to be a daily drunk. You can leverage that strength for sobriety. And I tend to think it's not weakness that keeps us drinking, but fear. But you have the strength to overcome that too.
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Old 11-27-2018, 05:42 PM
  # 30 (permalink)  
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Hi secret chord - I don;t think you're a loser or that you're bothering anyone here at all - if people struggling bothers anyone, SRs probably not a good site to be on

I struggled for a long time because what I really wanted to be was a 'normal drinker' - for me that meant drink as much as I like - have nothing bad happen and then have no cravings to continue the next day.

for me that was a fantasy because once I had that first drink everything changed:
and I could not. would not stop drinking until I was 'done' - sometimes that took weeks, month, or eventually even years.

I find it incredibly easier not to drink at all - so long as I don't take that first drink everything stays ok.

Its rough in the beginning - I used drinking as medicine as fun, as a social aid, and as a problem dealer... and not having drink there anymore was hard- but it gets easier.

I had to change my lifestyle quite a lot but it was worth it.
I wouldn't change my sober life for anything now.

I hope you'll decide to commit yourself fully to not drinking at all, ever - no matter what...

it really is the way to go

D
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Old 11-27-2018, 05:45 PM
  # 31 (permalink)  
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Why haven't you all given up on me yet is beyond me.

I envy each of you . I will get there someday. I will.
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Old 11-27-2018, 05:49 PM
  # 32 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by secretchord View Post
Why haven't you all given up on me yet is beyond me.

I envy each of you . I will get there someday. I will.
No one here will give up on you...ever. I'm actually glad your back, its nice to hear from you again. Take care of yourself tonight. I'm your neighbor to the west in MN, in fact 507 area code is no that far from me.
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Old 11-27-2018, 06:15 PM
  # 33 (permalink)  
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SC - forget about gym memberships and treadmills if those aren't in the cards right now financially. Get out and start walking. Brisk walking for 1-3 hours (of course be careful and build up to that) will yield enormous health benefits. Google exercise bands too. A few bucks for 3 or 4 large rubber bands and you have a kickass full body workout. Pushups and situps also free and amazing for your overall fitness. Finances do not stand in the way of fitness. Good luck. And you are not a loser at all.
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Old 11-27-2018, 06:21 PM
  # 34 (permalink)  
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We were all there once, secretchord. That's why we'd never give up on you. I'm sober because I was looking death in the eye, drinking all day. I had to break free of the trap I was in. You can do it.
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Old 11-27-2018, 07:33 PM
  # 35 (permalink)  
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Glad to hear from you. I agree with Carl. In many ways my life is actually much easier by NOT drinking. To think of the crap I’d put myself through to drink and to stay employed, keep up appearances, the mental anguish etc. Forget someday. You’ve heard that song “Someday Never Comes”? You can do this now. Just need to take some action.
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Old 11-27-2018, 08:16 PM
  # 36 (permalink)  
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Even-sough I still ruined and continue to do so. Yup it is addiction. I'm beyond sick and tired of it all. Again, I still drink!

Originally Posted by D122y View Post
Imo...that is addiction.

Until I had a reason to quit that motivated me enough to quit...I couldn't do it.

If they put me in jail for 10 years...technically I could not continue to drink. I would not die...I would dry out. When I got out I would drink again. That is addiction.

I crave still, but not as bad as the first 6 months. It was worse the first month than at 6 months.

I had to suffer through. It gets harder at first..then easier.

But, if there's not motivation..e.g. dieing or sick, DUI, fired, losing kids...it is very hard.

I was dieing.

Thanks.
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