I’m lost
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 1
I’m lost
I’m lost and found myself here.
I’m alone and in a relationship with an alcoholic.
I’ve found myself here, completely all out of compassion, and feeling guilty because he needs me and I’ve got nothing left to give.
So my ABF recently lost his dad to suicide.
Yeah, that was more than enough to knock a recovering drug addict (meth, cocaine) into some sort of addictive spiral and at first I was glad that it was “only” alcohol.
We’re currently amidst day 4 of a bourbon binge.
Belligerent BF has been spouting what stupid person I am for wanting to be with him.
Happy BF tries to make light of what he’s going through, cracking inappropriate jokes and playing class clown
Angry BF grabs and pushes me, he screams at the world for its injustice.
Sad BF sobs for all those his lost, especially his father.
Ashamed BF beats himself up for all his shameful acts.
Incomprehensible BF dribbles on about the significance of number 5 & 17, that “you should be able to read my....” “Babe, Babe, Babe...”
“Can I go now?” “No-one will hurt those boys” “they can’t hurt me now”
All of it seems like scene out of a B grade Tarantino flick and I’ve obviously lost the script because I’m buggered if I know my next line.
This last year has seen a lot of secrets, tragedy and Family skeletons come out of the closet.
I know why he does what he does. He knows he should stop but won’t.
Talking to him now is impossible. His glazed, crazy eyes are the tell tale sign that he won’t remember a thing he said or what has been said to him.
I’m living with a 100kg toddler.
Am I co-dependant?
Am I a narcissist for my lack of empathy?
Who do I ask for help?
Where do we go?
Would he go willingly?
When will this all end?
Is there anybody out there?
I’m alone and in a relationship with an alcoholic.
I’ve found myself here, completely all out of compassion, and feeling guilty because he needs me and I’ve got nothing left to give.
So my ABF recently lost his dad to suicide.
Yeah, that was more than enough to knock a recovering drug addict (meth, cocaine) into some sort of addictive spiral and at first I was glad that it was “only” alcohol.
We’re currently amidst day 4 of a bourbon binge.
Belligerent BF has been spouting what stupid person I am for wanting to be with him.
Happy BF tries to make light of what he’s going through, cracking inappropriate jokes and playing class clown
Angry BF grabs and pushes me, he screams at the world for its injustice.
Sad BF sobs for all those his lost, especially his father.
Ashamed BF beats himself up for all his shameful acts.
Incomprehensible BF dribbles on about the significance of number 5 & 17, that “you should be able to read my....” “Babe, Babe, Babe...”
“Can I go now?” “No-one will hurt those boys” “they can’t hurt me now”
All of it seems like scene out of a B grade Tarantino flick and I’ve obviously lost the script because I’m buggered if I know my next line.
This last year has seen a lot of secrets, tragedy and Family skeletons come out of the closet.
I know why he does what he does. He knows he should stop but won’t.
Talking to him now is impossible. His glazed, crazy eyes are the tell tale sign that he won’t remember a thing he said or what has been said to him.
I’m living with a 100kg toddler.
Am I co-dependant?
Am I a narcissist for my lack of empathy?
Who do I ask for help?
Where do we go?
Would he go willingly?
When will this all end?
Is there anybody out there?
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Sorry for what brings you here, but glad you found us.
When you've had enough and part ways with him...
...or he gets sober.
But the latter doesn't mean it will last.
Originally Posted by Kissl 
When will this all end?
...or he gets sober.
But the latter doesn't mean it will last.
I hope he decides to get sober for good.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 199
Sounds like you have the right perspective to me. You just have to figure out how long/if you want to ride this ride. Because it’s a long row to hoe. My husband will tell you that it was worth it for me/us. But that was his choice and we were 10 years into our marriage. Only you can decide if it’s worth it for you.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 1,281
No, you are not alone. I feel sad for what you are going through.
Us alcoholics cause so much pain to our loved ones and also to ourselves.
I would strongly suggest that you do whatever it takes to get your own life back - and only then , and only if you are up to it , can you help him (if he wants to be helped)
But for now, I would suggest that you also visit the "Friends and Family" section of the forum , you will find that you are absolutely not alone.
Is there any way that you can go and live with family /a friend for a while ?
Good luck and hope it helps in some way.
Us alcoholics cause so much pain to our loved ones and also to ourselves.
I would strongly suggest that you do whatever it takes to get your own life back - and only then , and only if you are up to it , can you help him (if he wants to be helped)
But for now, I would suggest that you also visit the "Friends and Family" section of the forum , you will find that you are absolutely not alone.
Is there any way that you can go and live with family /a friend for a while ?
Good luck and hope it helps in some way.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
Originally Posted by Kissl
Angry BF grabs and pushes me, he screams at the world for its injustice.
Domestic Abuse Defined
http://www.thehotline.org/is-this-abuse/abuse-defined/
International Directory of Domestic Violence Agencies
Abuse information and support for every woman and every girl on Earth
Home « HotPeachPages International
National Domestic Abuse Hotline (US)
https://www.thehotline.org
Canada
Canada: domestic violence information « HotPeachPages International
UK: call Women’s Aid at 0808 2000 247.
https://www.qld.gov.au/community/get...-getting-help/
Life is good
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
https://al-anon.org/
Good info, good people. I highly suggest finding a meeting in your area.
Also check out the Friends and Family forum here.
Good info, good people. I highly suggest finding a meeting in your area.
Also check out the Friends and Family forum here.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 154
Originally Posted by Kissl
I’m lost and found myself here.
I’m alone and in a relationship with an alcoholic.
I’ve found myself here, completely all out of compassion, and feeling guilty because he needs me and I’ve got nothing left to give.
So my ABF recently lost his dad to suicide.
Yeah, that was more than enough to knock a recovering drug addict (meth, cocaine) into some sort of addictive spiral and at first I was glad that it was “only” alcohol.
We’re currently amidst day 4 of a bourbon binge.
Belligerent BF has been spouting what stupid person I am for wanting to be with him.
Happy BF tries to make light of what he’s going through, cracking inappropriate jokes and playing class clown
Angry BF grabs and pushes me, he screams at the world for its injustice.
Sad BF sobs for all those his lost, especially his father.
Ashamed BF beats himself up for all his shameful acts.
Incomprehensible BF dribbles on about the significance of number 5 & 17, that “you should be able to read my....” “Babe, Babe, Babe...”
“Can I go now?” “No-one will hurt those boys” “they can’t hurt me now”
All of it seems like scene out of a B grade Tarantino flick and I’ve obviously lost the script because I’m buggered if I know my next line.
This last year has seen a lot of secrets, tragedy and Family skeletons come out of the closet.
I know why he does what he does. He knows he should stop but won’t.
Talking to him now is impossible. His glazed, crazy eyes are the tell tale sign that he won’t remember a thing he said or what has been said to him.
I’m living with a 100kg toddler.
Am I co-dependant?
Am I a narcissist for my lack of empathy?
Who do I ask for help?
Where do we go?
Would he go willingly?
When will this all end?
Is there anybody out there?
I’m alone and in a relationship with an alcoholic.
I’ve found myself here, completely all out of compassion, and feeling guilty because he needs me and I’ve got nothing left to give.
So my ABF recently lost his dad to suicide.
Yeah, that was more than enough to knock a recovering drug addict (meth, cocaine) into some sort of addictive spiral and at first I was glad that it was “only” alcohol.
We’re currently amidst day 4 of a bourbon binge.
Belligerent BF has been spouting what stupid person I am for wanting to be with him.
Happy BF tries to make light of what he’s going through, cracking inappropriate jokes and playing class clown
Angry BF grabs and pushes me, he screams at the world for its injustice.
Sad BF sobs for all those his lost, especially his father.
Ashamed BF beats himself up for all his shameful acts.
Incomprehensible BF dribbles on about the significance of number 5 & 17, that “you should be able to read my....” “Babe, Babe, Babe...”
“Can I go now?” “No-one will hurt those boys” “they can’t hurt me now”
All of it seems like scene out of a B grade Tarantino flick and I’ve obviously lost the script because I’m buggered if I know my next line.
This last year has seen a lot of secrets, tragedy and Family skeletons come out of the closet.
I know why he does what he does. He knows he should stop but won’t.
Talking to him now is impossible. His glazed, crazy eyes are the tell tale sign that he won’t remember a thing he said or what has been said to him.
I’m living with a 100kg toddler.
Am I co-dependant?
Am I a narcissist for my lack of empathy?
Who do I ask for help?
Where do we go?
Would he go willingly?
When will this all end?
Is there anybody out there?
We are all in our own little worlds, we're kind of born that way, nobody can climb into you and help fix things, and you can't climb into someone else and fix things either.
For example, if a loved one is laying in a bed dying of cancer then all the family can do is stand around the bed holding their hand, stroking their face, telling them how much they love them, crying etc etc but in the end the cancer sufferer is still going to leave here on their own.
And this is my point, as blunt as it might sound, do you want to go through the rest of your life standing around the bed holding his hand?
I read once how somebody said they saved someone's life, I also read a reply how they didn't save somebody's life they just prolonged it!
What do you want for you? That's all you really need to think about, forget the rest, cuz it's only really you that is living in your skin!
Good luck finding your way, I wish you all the best!
inapickle
Life is good
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
We get to have different viewpoints, and mine changes constantly!
Lots of people out here, connected, healing, shining a light. Secrets, fear and hate thrive in dark places. In connecting with others who've been through similar things, survived and then thrive, I came to realize I can, too.
Lots of people out here, connected, healing, shining a light. Secrets, fear and hate thrive in dark places. In connecting with others who've been through similar things, survived and then thrive, I came to realize I can, too.
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