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How bad of a drunk am I?

Old 09-21-2018, 05:56 AM
  # 61 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by darinissober38 View Post
I will be in a setting early this evening, that before would have had me drinking. I hope like hell I resist, because it will be offered to me. This will be my first time in a setting where I would normally drink since starting this, so wish me luck.
Sorry, but it's not about hoping, and it's not about luck.
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Old 09-21-2018, 07:09 AM
  # 62 (permalink)  
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I was advised to taper down before a scheduled detox.
I bought low alcohol lager by the 10 box.
I had to write down how I felt before I drank my first one,
How I felt while I was drinking them
And how I felt after.
Also how many units I had consumed

The things I wrote down were enough to stop me drinking.
I went through withdrawals etc.
I didn’t require the ‘Librium ‘ detox.

I had found a tiny speck of myself buried deep within the lies and tricks of my beast, broke free from my cage and clawed my way out of that hell pit.

Maybe keep a diary as part of your plan. Not much effort for for a lot of bang.
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Old 09-21-2018, 07:53 AM
  # 63 (permalink)  
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I hope you don't have a setback with tonight's challenge - in the early days we're so fragile. Congratulations on your 3 days sober. I know tapering isn't advisable, but it worked for me too. However, I was in a life threatening situation & knew I had to make it work.

Let us know how it goes, darin. We're with you.
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Old 09-21-2018, 08:18 AM
  # 64 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by courage2 View Post
I love your honesty darin. You're on this road and you'll find out what you find out, you know?
I agree. As I said earlier, it is a process. We all are on this road and we are at different stages of our journey but the stories are all similar. In the end, it is a personal choice.

In your case, you are coming into a self awareness process earlier than a lot of people, which you will find out is a good thing in the long run.

In my case, I made a post in 2011 and didn't revisit the forum in 2018 and only found I had only slid further down that slope. I wish I had started with and stuck with this process when I first posted in 2011. As it is, my process in 2018 has taken six months... and it definitely has not been an efficient one. I hope you get to where you need to be faster than I did... and I suspect many of the others have.

I think making sure you come back here regularly will help get you to a state of mind you need to be faster. Don't make the same mistake I did and wait 7 years then go a week or two without checking in. Even if it is not this forum, make sure you have a support network somewhere. My biggest mistake has been not relying on that network when I really needed it.
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Old 09-21-2018, 09:47 AM
  # 65 (permalink)  
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I'm a few hours away from going into a "meeting" where they will be a table of mixers and drinks and such. People there will assume and likely try handing me my old favorite drink when I walk in. I'm going to turn it down. I've already made up my mind.

I'm only three days (middle of 4th day now) in this and still feeling mild withdrawals, but in a strange way, I also feel good and different and I'd like to continue that direction to see what it about. I've noticed things about myself the past 24 hours I was likely numbing or drowning with alcohol. I'm still not stable or right physically, but feeling good. I managed to suck it up through another workout this morning and my mind feels clear. Or clearer, like a part of it is turning back on. I still feel a bit anxious at times, but I can maybe begin to see the beginnings of my body resetting and I like. I will not drink tonight. No matter what!
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Old 09-21-2018, 11:08 AM
  # 66 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Snowydelrico View Post
Maybe keep a diary as part of your plan. Not much effort for for a lot of bang.
This is an excellent idea. I have kept a journal since I started out on this journey and reading back through some of the things I have written have had a huge impact on keeping me on the right path. The memories of how bad it got, where you were when you started out and how tough it was, the fear, the anxiety fade and those are the times that you need to remember how bad it was to make sure you don't become complacent. Best of luck this evening, you can do this! xx
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Old 09-21-2018, 07:22 PM
  # 67 (permalink)  
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I wish I could tell everyone I did not drink tonight, but I did. I am going to brutally honest with myself and everyone through this. I Ubered it home tonight and thought, "what will I post to the forum about my night out." As I walked in, I realized I needed to just post the truth. I held out for the first few hours, then I thought, "Ive been tapering down with 1-2 drinks for the past four nights, I'll just have one. Well one? It turned into 6. Not that bad, but as I only got slightly buzzed, but 6 drinks, is still 5 more than I was supposed to have. I went out and drank, that is the reality. Tomorrow, I start over. Day one again. I sit here telling myself, I made it 4/5 days, but the reality is, I freaking failed.

That said, I will start over again tomorrow.
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Old 09-21-2018, 07:40 PM
  # 68 (permalink)  
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Happened to me a lot that.
Maybe have an escape plan in place next time.
Or better still, don’t attend these events for a while.

Keep trying, Rome wasn’t built in a day.
Just reenforces the fact of the hold it has on you.

Well done for reporting back.
Keep chipping away at it and you will be ship shape before long.
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Old 09-21-2018, 07:51 PM
  # 69 (permalink)  
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Yeah thats why cutting back, or tapering. or whatever you want to call it, never worked for me Darin.

To be able to do it requires a consistent level of control over my drinking that I just don't have.

Its going to be very very hard for you not to drink for any length of time unless you re-examine your ideas about social life and having fun.

No one needs to go to a bar to have a good time

D

ps I think 6 beers is actually 'that bad' - when your target is zero thats not a pass.

Why do I say that?
Not to beat you up - but now you've unconsciously set up 6 beers as a sort of forgivable slip, you've moved the goalposts for next time..
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Old 09-21-2018, 08:09 PM
  # 70 (permalink)  
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Hi Darin, I think it is great you are being honest with yourself and this forum and not try to hide anything. It will help you along in your recovery. But why taper? Unless you need medical detox in which case it’s best to work with your doctor, why not just quit altogether and forever? We now know alcohol is no good for anyone, not even in moderation. This is what the recent studies show. As for alcoholism, it just gets worse. Yeah, there are people who continue drinking moderately (or claim to) but it’s a slippery slope. I also question folks who claim they are in control. Many lie to themselves and it’s plain to see for those of us sober. Why risk it? I went until my mid forties until I had a real out of control problem that got worse because of a very stressful period in my life. After that happened, I could never get back my former drinking pattern. Nor do I want to. Life is so much better without it.
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Old 09-21-2018, 10:57 PM
  # 71 (permalink)  
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Hi Darin, I don't post too much here but I wanted to share that I see myself in you. In many ways we think the same. I tried to do what you are trying to do for years. I am not saying that it will not work for you but it never worked for me.

I could cut down sure, but I never could reach zero. No matter how much I wanted to, I never could do it. I always had an excuse or told myself some story about why I needed or could have more than my plan called for.

No matter how easy or slow I made my taper, it didn't matter. I spent I don't know how many hours or nights creating new plans that I would never stick to.

Eventually I wasted too much time and one night I suddenly and very unexpectedly found myself physically addicted. It took a few days to figure out what was happening to me but as soon as I figured it out, I took myself to a hospital. They admitted me for a stay and helped me break that addiction.

I am not saying my answer is your answer but your posts in this thread could easily be mine. My answer is I can no longer drink alcohol.

I am not going to lie to you and tell you that answer was or is super easy but it's been just over a year now and it's working for me so far. None at all is the only thing that has worked for me.

I looked at it as stepping over a large gap. It was very scary but once I had done it, as long as I choose to stay on the other side, I never have to do it again.

You can do it too man.
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Old 09-22-2018, 12:13 AM
  # 72 (permalink)  
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Congratulations Gaddenn - good to hear from you
D
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Old 09-22-2018, 12:35 AM
  # 73 (permalink)  
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Darin

Don't beat yourself up too much. Many of us have been there - wanting to be able to drink in a controlled way.

From what you've written it sounds like you like your more social persona after drinking. I think perhaps you might need to find a way of getting comfortable with, and liking, your quieter sober self.
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Old 09-22-2018, 02:32 PM
  # 74 (permalink)  
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Darin - It was really good that you wanted to talk about what happened. You're learning a lot through all this. No one tried harder than me to turn myself from an alcoholic into a social drinker. It simply was not possible, or I would have found a way.

Keep going. You will get this.
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Old 09-22-2018, 08:12 PM
  # 75 (permalink)  
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I guess this thread is turning into my daily journal. So be it. So today I was pretty harshly kicking myself for my slip last night. About 6pm, I poured a glass of wine, took two sips, then poured it out. The I poured the whole box out and went for a long walk. I have not drank anything tonight, so hopefully I can pick where I left off. This makes it 5/6 nights sober.

I've decided I'm not going to dwell on last night. Nothing I can do now but learn from it. I've decided for at least the next month I'm going to avoid all drinking situation. Tomorrow I was supposed to watch football with friends and yes, they all drink. I canceled that.

Thank you everyone for the continued support. Stone cold sober as I type this. Almost slipped into a second day, but for whatever reason, I just said no and poured it out. I now have no alcohol in my home.
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Old 09-22-2018, 08:18 PM
  # 76 (permalink)  
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I'm glad you poured it out.
I couldn't have alcohol near me or in my house in the early days cos I'd drink it.

D
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Old 09-22-2018, 09:42 PM
  # 77 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by darinissober38 View Post
I know everyone here will likely say I'll just slide right back, so I ask, has anyone managed to get control of their drinking and then just truly drink for pleasure once in a while? Is it possible?
You are unlikely to get an answer here that says it is possible as this is all about being sober. Do other people manage to bring it under control yes some do but most don't. The easiest is to check celebrities you can find many who had drink problems but now drink moderately Michael Caine and Paul Macartney are two.
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Old 09-22-2018, 10:42 PM
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Originally Posted by darinissober38 View Post

I've decided I'm not going to dwell on last night. Nothing I can do now but learn from it. I've decided for at least the next month I'm going to avoid all drinking situation. Tomorrow I was supposed to watch football with friends and yes, they all drink. I canceled that.

Thank you everyone for the continued support. Stone cold sober as I type this.


Good plan Darin ,...straightforward ,..and progressive !
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Old 09-22-2018, 11:05 PM
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Originally Posted by Gerard52 View Post
You are unlikely to get an answer here that says it is possible as this is all about being sober. Do other people manage to bring it under control yes some do but most don't. The easiest is to check celebrities you can find many who had drink problems but now drink moderately Michael Caine and Paul Macartney are two.
Not sure this post is very helpful.
But we are all allowed a say.
I wonder how drinking is helping their health now they are in their 70ís?
Iím sure if you try and get an answer you want from the internet you will get it. Doesnít mean itís the right answer for you.
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Old 09-22-2018, 11:16 PM
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Well done for pouring it down the sink.
A walk is a good way to get your mind straight.
Try separating yourself from your addictive thoughts.
This way you can be prepared when they enter your head.
Cravings last around 9 mins. They will fade as time goes by.

Keep at it
As Dee would say, keep working on your sober muscles.
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