FreeOwl

I wonder if all of us who struggle with addiction and alcoholism share a challenge in discipline.

In sobriety I’ve come to see it much more clearly. Staying focused, on task, motivated and consistent with things like my diet, my exercise, my work and my chores seems like.... well, a chore.

Maybe it’s the depression. Maybe it’s the long established patterns of foregoing discipline for short term reward with substances.....

But whatever it is, I find that getting to a rhythm of discipline in everyday things is still hard and elusive for me.

Granted I’m a chronic over-committer with four r kids and a demanding career and two houses (one I’m renovating) and several volunteer efforts and I serve in public office......

Anyway. Felt like sharing that sometimes I really feel like the way I’m ‘wired’ as a person who has had addictive and abusive relationship with substances much of my life contributes to this a lot.

saoutchik

Same here FreeOwl and I have far rewer responsibilities than you.

I suffer from insomnia and if I don't rise early and exercise then as sure as eggs are eggs along will come the insomnia and following on from that are thoughts of drinking, so I really need to maintain discipline on all of those fronts but it is often a chore rather than something I actively look forward to. One of the drawbacks of being an arthritic 58 year old though I think rather than being institutionally lazy.

Andante

I don't think anyone can say there's a single definitive personality trait that "all of us" who have suffered from addiction share.

There may be some shading among addicts toward the lazy and undisciplined side of the bell curve (tendency to seek a quick and easy fix for any issue, and all that), but if I look around, I see plenty of people I can characterize only as stone idle who are not addicts, and plenty of ultra-high-functioning, motivated, disciplined people who become addicts nonetheless.

I struggle often with the feeling that I'm too lazy and undisciplined, especially if I compare myself to the ultra-high-achiever set, but I'm ever so slowly coming around to the realization that I'm just not one of those people -- and maybe that's OK?

Dee74

Sounds to me like you work pretty hard.

Sometimes I know I raise the bar too high and I pay for it. Balance is vital for me.

It took me a long time to find the discipline to simply do nothing, relax, recharge and not feel like it was a bad thing

D

thomas11

Discipline has been a cornerstone of my life. I wrestled in high school and college so diet was crazy. Then I got into bodybuilding, and again discipline in working out and diet was huge. My struggle is that I know I have been disciplined for most of my life and I deserve a break. My break now is french silk pie and not a stiff drink.

Gottalife

"We alcoholics are undisciplined. So we let God discipline us in the simple way we have just outlined." This is just at the end of the Big Book part about step 11.

I am undisciplined. I can maintain a certain amount of self imposed discipline for a time, but it never lasts. By discipline I mean making myself do things I may not want to do. It seems to happen a bit in meetings based sobriety, ultimately unrewarding, tiring, so we stop.

But, by working the steps i had a change in outlook. I try to maintain that 11 step discipline, but most other things that I might have found trying before, I now find interesting and enjoy doing. Something has changed where what was once achieved by discipline is now achieved by emotional reward.

plop

My experience is quite a bit different. When I was young, I was too disciplined, perfectionist almost. It lead to anxiety and it lead me to drink, because drinking allowed me to let go of my self-discipline.

For me the most important thing in recovery has been learning to relax. I'm much more undisciplined (but in a positive way, I like to think) than I was in my drinking days, but I still have those moments when I regret something like not doing my morning run even though I have a flu.

FreeOwl

Thank you all... great perspectives and input.

This morning I’m exercising the discipline to spend a little less time on the screen so I’ll be brief and leave it at my gratitude for each of you and your contributions here.

August252015

I was obsessively disciplined from a very young age. Looking back the most simple drive for that was actually anxiety. But discipline led me to academic, social, athletic gen career success...and it helped me cope with my insanely alcoholic family life along with the great privilege

Fast forward to my heaviest drinking days and I had become wildly undisciplined. Plenty of a story there.

Now, I find that balance Dee mentions is critical for me. For example I am extremely disciplined about my morning program work. No matter how early I need to be up before the first commitment of the day, I do my five program and spiritual items. I love doing them and the feeling of crossing the, off on my planner.

I also keep an exercise schedule- but due to the serious back injury I have mentioned around here, since spring have had to learn that discipline now means something different. I have also had waves In how meeting attendance discipline goes. I think I have been light lately and plan to do three (AA, plus my other recovery group so I Hess five!).

I'm with Gottalife ultimately- I have to go back to the "simple program outlined" often and when I question how I am doing.

lessgravity

For me its an bit different analysis - in a sense I had extreme discipline in my pursuit of alcohol. I razed cities, burned opportunities, my commitment to the poison was absolute. All aspects of my life were bent to its requirements, my ambition, my loves, my family, my health, my money. I was a ninja of discipline. I was a monk in the temple of my life's wreckage.

Now I finally have that ability, drive, energy and focus to spend on things that matter in life - all the same things I sacrificed on the altar of my addiction.

So it's not a matter of discipline for me, it's a matter of priorities.

D122y

Clean is clean ....by any standard.....whatever it takes, by any means necessary.

Staying clean is easier these days. But, I will always remember my hell of getting this clean. So help me God.

Plure

My issue for years driving me to drink was bad anxiety and OCD, neuroses I had since being a young teenager. I was fairly disciplined with school, at work and on a project but had a hard time letting go and saying “this is good enough”. I will say that along with that I had some impulsive actions so in that way I wasn’t disciplined at all. Like mentioned earlier in the thread it can be a number of different things that turn us to the bottle...I do like hearing everyone’s stories though as it helps me find perspective with my own sobriety journey.