Thoughts on 9 Months
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 125
Thoughts on 9 Months
Hello all. I haven't been posting lately but wanted to check in. Hard to believe, but I'm coming up on 9 months sober. This is by far the longest I've gone without a drink since I had my first one some 16 years ago, and if you'd told me 10 months ago where I'd be today, I'd have never believed you, I was just so, so stuck in this tiny little world I'd built for myself, binging every few days, managing - barely - to keep up appearances for family and work but with no life to speak of outside of that and that drinking.
I don't have any brilliant insights, other than to take it one day at a time and be kind to yourself in this process. Getting my anxiety and panic disorders under control with the help of a doctor and therapist has been huge, as I think self-medication is a large part of my alcoholism; my therapist is also helping me work through a host of things I've basically been ignoring for most of my adult life, including my generally addictive personality and the decade of my life that was basically sacrificed to my addiction (no romantic relationships, stagnant career, weight problems, etc).
I've lost 50 pounds so far through diet and moderate exercise, which I eased into and slowly have come to really enjoy. Binge eating went hand in hand with my binge drinking, and cooking and baking are two of my favorite hobbies - things I'm actually pursing again now! - and I'm still struggling a bit with "eating my feelings" sometimes. The weight loss also seems to have plateaued a bit, even though I'm still a good 50-60 pounds from my target, so that's been causing some frustration, but I'm just trying to be kind to myself and take it one day at a time.
I haven't felt the need to come out as an alcoholic to anyone aside from a couple of close friends and of course my doctors, but a few people have noticed that I'm not drinking, and I just tell them that booze isn't part of my life right now ("and never will be again" I think to myself), and that's been the end of it.
It's utterly remarkable to me what life is like booze-free, and how liberating it is to know that I. Do. Not. Drink. Period. I don't know how I did it to myself for so many years, not just the drinking itself but the thinking about drinking, worrying about drinking or if I could drink as much as I wanted, did I have enough to last the night, etc. Sometime last year I remember telling a friend that I didn't feel like a real person; I felt like a 2D drawing or something. Hobbies, interests, friendships, etc, that I'd had years before had gone by the wayside. But I'm here to tell you that it is possible to turn things around, no matter how dim things may seem. I feel alive again, and while I still have a lot of work to do on myself, I'm excited to do it - and excited that I feel excited about things again.
I don't have any brilliant insights, other than to take it one day at a time and be kind to yourself in this process. Getting my anxiety and panic disorders under control with the help of a doctor and therapist has been huge, as I think self-medication is a large part of my alcoholism; my therapist is also helping me work through a host of things I've basically been ignoring for most of my adult life, including my generally addictive personality and the decade of my life that was basically sacrificed to my addiction (no romantic relationships, stagnant career, weight problems, etc).
I've lost 50 pounds so far through diet and moderate exercise, which I eased into and slowly have come to really enjoy. Binge eating went hand in hand with my binge drinking, and cooking and baking are two of my favorite hobbies - things I'm actually pursing again now! - and I'm still struggling a bit with "eating my feelings" sometimes. The weight loss also seems to have plateaued a bit, even though I'm still a good 50-60 pounds from my target, so that's been causing some frustration, but I'm just trying to be kind to myself and take it one day at a time.
I haven't felt the need to come out as an alcoholic to anyone aside from a couple of close friends and of course my doctors, but a few people have noticed that I'm not drinking, and I just tell them that booze isn't part of my life right now ("and never will be again" I think to myself), and that's been the end of it.
It's utterly remarkable to me what life is like booze-free, and how liberating it is to know that I. Do. Not. Drink. Period. I don't know how I did it to myself for so many years, not just the drinking itself but the thinking about drinking, worrying about drinking or if I could drink as much as I wanted, did I have enough to last the night, etc. Sometime last year I remember telling a friend that I didn't feel like a real person; I felt like a 2D drawing or something. Hobbies, interests, friendships, etc, that I'd had years before had gone by the wayside. But I'm here to tell you that it is possible to turn things around, no matter how dim things may seem. I feel alive again, and while I still have a lot of work to do on myself, I'm excited to do it - and excited that I feel excited about things again.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Flower,
Congratulations on saving yourself.
I keep coming back to sr because it is something I enjoy.
TV etc are great, but so is sr.
Reading posts like yours makes my day.
At 10 months I felt better, but not like I feel now. I am heavily kindled.
Any relapse would send me straight into a living hell...again. I might not make.it out this far again.
I handle things that used to cause me to flip out like they are nothing.
I feel like a matue human, and not some fantasy party animal.
The desire and education got me here.
Thanks.
Congratulations on saving yourself.
I keep coming back to sr because it is something I enjoy.
TV etc are great, but so is sr.
Reading posts like yours makes my day.
At 10 months I felt better, but not like I feel now. I am heavily kindled.
Any relapse would send me straight into a living hell...again. I might not make.it out this far again.
I handle things that used to cause me to flip out like they are nothing.
I feel like a matue human, and not some fantasy party animal.
The desire and education got me here.
Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 13
Congrats on the awesome 9 months. A little tool I have is when I feel like drinking I remind myself what I'm giving up. You can see the benefits and that in itself is an awful lot to lose, keep it up, all the best to you.
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