You Can't Change ANYTHING From The Past
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Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: East Midlands UK
Posts: 502
You Can't Change ANYTHING From The Past
I guess this is more a pondering out loud post.
Many a time we've said 'I can't change the fact I drank in the past but I can change what happens in the future'.
I had a Eureka moment over my first cup of tea of the day and it has been playing on my mind all the time I was wrestling with my broken washing machine!!
There is NOTHING in the past you can change. You can't change things that you've said and done. You also can't change what others have said and done to others or to you.
I may have turned 50 in May, intellectually my IQ is in the top 98% of the population but emotionally I am still stuck in early puberty.
I only realised this morning how much I still feel resentment about things that have happened in the past. And I'm sure over the years I've 'remembered' some of the events as being worse than they were. Throw away comments that I took as insults.
There have very much been a lot of 'rough' events (parent pressure, abusive relationships, widowed, bankruptcy, homelessness). And some of those are 'true' memories - but there are also a few that maybe have got hazy over the years.
The reason I say I am emotionally at the puberty stage is that I don't quite get how to deal with it. At that age I would slam the bedroom door, stamp around and generally be a PITA to get it out my system (while storing up the resentment for the next time).
In the past 5 years, my way of sulking has been alcohol. Drinking alcohol has got it out my system (as in blocking it out in an alcoholic fog) but the thoughts and resentments are still there.
BUT what on earth am I gaining by still stewing on things I can not change? Everyday I waste a good hour or two over the course of a day resenting things that have happened in the past - sometimes not even to me. Chuck in there the time then wasted drinking and that is a large amount of the day wasted.
So I am going to look forward. I am going to parcel up all these old resentments and file them away in some mental corner. I know I can't throw them away but I don't have to look at them everyday. Instead of looking at the old, dusty box - I am going to look at the panorama of future life spread out in front of me.
thank you for humouring my ramble!
Many a time we've said 'I can't change the fact I drank in the past but I can change what happens in the future'.
I had a Eureka moment over my first cup of tea of the day and it has been playing on my mind all the time I was wrestling with my broken washing machine!!
There is NOTHING in the past you can change. You can't change things that you've said and done. You also can't change what others have said and done to others or to you.
I may have turned 50 in May, intellectually my IQ is in the top 98% of the population but emotionally I am still stuck in early puberty.
I only realised this morning how much I still feel resentment about things that have happened in the past. And I'm sure over the years I've 'remembered' some of the events as being worse than they were. Throw away comments that I took as insults.
There have very much been a lot of 'rough' events (parent pressure, abusive relationships, widowed, bankruptcy, homelessness). And some of those are 'true' memories - but there are also a few that maybe have got hazy over the years.
The reason I say I am emotionally at the puberty stage is that I don't quite get how to deal with it. At that age I would slam the bedroom door, stamp around and generally be a PITA to get it out my system (while storing up the resentment for the next time).
In the past 5 years, my way of sulking has been alcohol. Drinking alcohol has got it out my system (as in blocking it out in an alcoholic fog) but the thoughts and resentments are still there.
BUT what on earth am I gaining by still stewing on things I can not change? Everyday I waste a good hour or two over the course of a day resenting things that have happened in the past - sometimes not even to me. Chuck in there the time then wasted drinking and that is a large amount of the day wasted.
So I am going to look forward. I am going to parcel up all these old resentments and file them away in some mental corner. I know I can't throw them away but I don't have to look at them everyday. Instead of looking at the old, dusty box - I am going to look at the panorama of future life spread out in front of me.
thank you for humouring my ramble!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 230
Great post. Whats done is done ... what we are doing now affects the future. You are right we cannot throw it all away but we can be aware not to let it affect our present and future life. I m personally more sadness over things than resentment but process is the same. Still learning acceptance ...very powerful word . 50 is still young age ...hope you achieve what planned. Big hugs x D
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Join Date: Sep 2018
Location: UK
Posts: 135
Great post!
Excessive rumination over the past can be a sign of clinical depression. I'm not saying everyone who finds themselves dwelling excessively over past events is depressed, but that it might be something a family doctor can help with.
Excessive rumination over the past can be a sign of clinical depression. I'm not saying everyone who finds themselves dwelling excessively over past events is depressed, but that it might be something a family doctor can help with.
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Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Minnesota, USA
Posts: 1,468
Good post, thank you for sharing your thoughts!
Resentments, they sure are a mood killer.
I forgave myself for everything I had ever done, check - I no longer think about what I did to me, or others.
People I have resentments towards- I don't think about them or what I did. I forgave them- I tossed all those thoughts out of my mind to never think about them again. Those thoughts do me no favors and do not better my life, so why would I want to sit and think about all that crap? Yes, I don't want to.
Now, there is a difference in resentment of one's self-compared to "what brought me here today to sobriety". I am not resentful for what I did. I was a crappy human being who did crappy things. But I am no longer that person, I get to better myself every single day that I am blessed to wake up.
I dont like "stinking thinking"
I don't dwell on the past
I don't sit in the crud and self-loathing aspect of my past
HOWEVER
I will not forget what I am like when I am drunk, I will not forget to play that tape forward if I feel like I am ever OK enough to stupidly have a drink.
Live in the now, the present and see the blessings around us, the reminders of how amazing life is, how happy we are
I love to be positive, while I get into funks on occasion, positivity goes a lot further in my book
Have a blessed day,
DC
Resentments, they sure are a mood killer.
I forgave myself for everything I had ever done, check - I no longer think about what I did to me, or others.
People I have resentments towards- I don't think about them or what I did. I forgave them- I tossed all those thoughts out of my mind to never think about them again. Those thoughts do me no favors and do not better my life, so why would I want to sit and think about all that crap? Yes, I don't want to.
Now, there is a difference in resentment of one's self-compared to "what brought me here today to sobriety". I am not resentful for what I did. I was a crappy human being who did crappy things. But I am no longer that person, I get to better myself every single day that I am blessed to wake up.
I dont like "stinking thinking"
I don't dwell on the past
I don't sit in the crud and self-loathing aspect of my past
HOWEVER
I will not forget what I am like when I am drunk, I will not forget to play that tape forward if I feel like I am ever OK enough to stupidly have a drink.
Live in the now, the present and see the blessings around us, the reminders of how amazing life is, how happy we are
I love to be positive, while I get into funks on occasion, positivity goes a lot further in my book
Have a blessed day,
DC
Member
Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 18
This post was very reltable to me and made my morning a bit better, thanks.
I realized much similar things and I'm constantly "forgetting" them. We need to trust our brains when we have these epiphany's and not forget them when we are emotionally down.
I realized much similar things and I'm constantly "forgetting" them. We need to trust our brains when we have these epiphany's and not forget them when we are emotionally down.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Darn straight! I know that marinating in my past did nothing but create a feeling of helplessness. And it allowed me to rationalize the BS I was pulling in the present. Acknowledging pain is one thing, becoming defined by it is another.
Onward and upward I say!
Onward and upward I say!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 462
Like you l have had to learn certain skills in life to avoid dealing with emotional issues like a cranky toddler, its hard work and a side effect of long term drinking that l was not aware of.
I struggled badly with negative thoughts about previous experiences when l first got sober and had a lot of intrusive thoughts during the first two months, they drove me mad and made me feel badly about myself. l had to forgive myself and move on which has mostly worked, l still get the odd thought now and then but not as bad.
Learning not to blow my top when something really bugs me is a different matter lol.
I struggled badly with negative thoughts about previous experiences when l first got sober and had a lot of intrusive thoughts during the first two months, they drove me mad and made me feel badly about myself. l had to forgive myself and move on which has mostly worked, l still get the odd thought now and then but not as bad.
Learning not to blow my top when something really bugs me is a different matter lol.
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Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: East Midlands UK
Posts: 502
Sorry I didn't return to this sooner to thank people for their thoughts and insight.
I was exhausted early yesterday evening and took a sleeping tablet. I can see from my computer history I posted SOMEWHERE on this site last night but I can't see where and I know what I'm like after a sleeping tablet - probably sounded totally wrecked!
Thank you all for your thoughts and comments.
I was exhausted early yesterday evening and took a sleeping tablet. I can see from my computer history I posted SOMEWHERE on this site last night but I can't see where and I know what I'm like after a sleeping tablet - probably sounded totally wrecked!
Thank you all for your thoughts and comments.
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Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 149
Great post start anew,
I love this post and the responses, I am trying to look forward , still have cravings seem like they are getting better, my counselor has really helped me by looking at past but not dwelling on it, and I myself just try to look at the bright side of sobriety. To tell you the Gods honest truth the best part of being sober is not being easily agitated or irritable; my mooods have really taken a 180.Drinkers live in the past telling old drinking stories and reliving them to the detriment of the future. I found this to be so true because the longer you drink the less fun it is, so we fall back on stories we kind amusing but in complete honesty , they are usually exaggerated lies.
I love this post and the responses, I am trying to look forward , still have cravings seem like they are getting better, my counselor has really helped me by looking at past but not dwelling on it, and I myself just try to look at the bright side of sobriety. To tell you the Gods honest truth the best part of being sober is not being easily agitated or irritable; my mooods have really taken a 180.Drinkers live in the past telling old drinking stories and reliving them to the detriment of the future. I found this to be so true because the longer you drink the less fun it is, so we fall back on stories we kind amusing but in complete honesty , they are usually exaggerated lies.
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