90 Days - If I can do it so can you!
Ocean Lover!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: You know nothing Jon Snow - UK
Posts: 2,604
90 Days - If I can do it so can you!
Just wanted to post and officially celebrate 90 days sober! I never thought I would be where I am now and whilst life isn't all rainbows and unicorns it's a million times better than it ever was whilst drinking. SR is a big part of my recovery journey and the first time I admitted I was an alcoholic so posted here in desperation. I am so grateful to everyone that supported me and for anyone that is new, please stick around, post and let the community support you. It's hard to let people in but I am so glad I found this place and for the tons of advice and sometimes tough love 
To celebrate I booked and went on a map reading course in the english lake district which was amazing. Hopefully I won't get lost in the hills anymore!
I started problematic drinking around 10 years ago. At this point I already knew I was a bit of a problem drinker in the sense that once I started I didn't stop until I had blacked out. It lead me to lots of bad choices and behaviour in my early 20's so I rarely drank in the following 10 years. Instead I smoked weed which became a daily thing but at the time I seemed to be doing ok. Then I split up with my partner and I no longer had any contacts to get weed so I started drinking. Not much at first, just a few at the weekend and not in the week. It was a time of huge change for me, learning to be a single person and trying to build a new network of friends/interests was hard and I started to need more and more "dutch courage" as they say.
I didn't realise or even see that regardless of it being alcohol or weed or whatever mind altering substance I was using to self medicate that I was an addict and had been most of my life! Oblivious!
It started to become the thing I did to relax when I finished work most days, made me feel less lonely, gave me a break from the stress of everything (so I thought anyhow). Slowly but surely I began to need a drink to do most things. It had become my answer for every emotion, my rock and my friend when no-one else was around. I started working from home more so I could drink earlier, then started buying one of those single glass bottles alongside my big bottle of wine so I could drink the single one whilst driving home on the hours drive.
It wasn't long before I was out of control and my life became unmanageable. I frequently drunk dialed people, upset the few friends I had, ruined a good job and even rang my ex boss and many people I had worked with one friday afternoon the day after I left when I was smashed out of my face and ruined my reputation, the shame.
A few weeks later after drinking all day every day I decided to get in my car and drive to a friends house, got stopped, banged up and lost my licence. If anyone had said to me that I would get in a car drunk and attempt to drive I would have been really offended, I would never stoop this low! But I went there?? This was major for me as due to my job I have to be criminal checked and also work all over the country so a clean record was a must and I blew it. You would have thought that this was my rock bottom, but I had so much further down to go and I did. Over the next 5 years I became a proper drunk, I did work but left most places due to stress or arguing with people or some other bull$hit reason I had concocted in my head to validate my behaviour, drank more, got fat, fell out with almost everyone I knew. Did many things I am so ashamed of I cannot bring myself to share them here. I was a total mess.
The word "alcoholic" didn't even pass through my mind, not once?!? I had become a self centred, arrogant mess, blamed the world and everyone for my problems, took no responsibility for any of my behaviour "they made me do it", refused to reach out and it was an sad existence. I had lost hope, given up and mentally logged off!
For anyone just starting out on the road to sobriety all I can say is keep at it, it's not easy but the rewards are worth it. For me just not drinking was the easy bit, the hard bit was looking deep within and changing the way I think and react, being aware of my emotions and to understand them better, accepting help and support and hearing what I was being told not just listening. The hard part is looking in the mirror and seeing yourself for what you are and who you have become and deciding to change that reflection and put in the hard yards it takes to achieve that. If I can do it so can you xx
To celebrate I booked and went on a map reading course in the english lake district which was amazing. Hopefully I won't get lost in the hills anymore!
I started problematic drinking around 10 years ago. At this point I already knew I was a bit of a problem drinker in the sense that once I started I didn't stop until I had blacked out. It lead me to lots of bad choices and behaviour in my early 20's so I rarely drank in the following 10 years. Instead I smoked weed which became a daily thing but at the time I seemed to be doing ok. Then I split up with my partner and I no longer had any contacts to get weed so I started drinking. Not much at first, just a few at the weekend and not in the week. It was a time of huge change for me, learning to be a single person and trying to build a new network of friends/interests was hard and I started to need more and more "dutch courage" as they say.
I didn't realise or even see that regardless of it being alcohol or weed or whatever mind altering substance I was using to self medicate that I was an addict and had been most of my life! Oblivious!
It started to become the thing I did to relax when I finished work most days, made me feel less lonely, gave me a break from the stress of everything (so I thought anyhow). Slowly but surely I began to need a drink to do most things. It had become my answer for every emotion, my rock and my friend when no-one else was around. I started working from home more so I could drink earlier, then started buying one of those single glass bottles alongside my big bottle of wine so I could drink the single one whilst driving home on the hours drive.
It wasn't long before I was out of control and my life became unmanageable. I frequently drunk dialed people, upset the few friends I had, ruined a good job and even rang my ex boss and many people I had worked with one friday afternoon the day after I left when I was smashed out of my face and ruined my reputation, the shame.
A few weeks later after drinking all day every day I decided to get in my car and drive to a friends house, got stopped, banged up and lost my licence. If anyone had said to me that I would get in a car drunk and attempt to drive I would have been really offended, I would never stoop this low! But I went there?? This was major for me as due to my job I have to be criminal checked and also work all over the country so a clean record was a must and I blew it. You would have thought that this was my rock bottom, but I had so much further down to go and I did. Over the next 5 years I became a proper drunk, I did work but left most places due to stress or arguing with people or some other bull$hit reason I had concocted in my head to validate my behaviour, drank more, got fat, fell out with almost everyone I knew. Did many things I am so ashamed of I cannot bring myself to share them here. I was a total mess.
The word "alcoholic" didn't even pass through my mind, not once?!? I had become a self centred, arrogant mess, blamed the world and everyone for my problems, took no responsibility for any of my behaviour "they made me do it", refused to reach out and it was an sad existence. I had lost hope, given up and mentally logged off!
For anyone just starting out on the road to sobriety all I can say is keep at it, it's not easy but the rewards are worth it. For me just not drinking was the easy bit, the hard bit was looking deep within and changing the way I think and react, being aware of my emotions and to understand them better, accepting help and support and hearing what I was being told not just listening. The hard part is looking in the mirror and seeing yourself for what you are and who you have become and deciding to change that reflection and put in the hard yards it takes to achieve that. If I can do it so can you xx
keep up the good work - life only gets better 
Ocean Lover!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: You know nothing Jon Snow - UK
Posts: 2,604
Thanks everyone!
Bexxed, that is the view from just below Loughrigg Tarn in the Southern Part of the Lake District, North U.K. It’s an awe inspiring place and the picture really doesn’t do it justice. To be stood up there looking at that view and thinking about where I had come from only 3 months ago, it was a wee bit emotional and I was so proud of myself. The furthest I walked 3 months ago was from the car to the wine shop!
I am by not means “fixed” now and I still have to work at my recovery daily but I now have hope. I am thankful for my addiction as without it I would never had the opportunity to soul search the way I have and try to become the best version of me I can be. Many “normies” live their whole lives never looking so deeply at themselves to become the best version of themselves they can be, we are the lucky ones, the warriors, the brave hearted and we should never forget that! xx
Bexxed, that is the view from just below Loughrigg Tarn in the Southern Part of the Lake District, North U.K. It’s an awe inspiring place and the picture really doesn’t do it justice. To be stood up there looking at that view and thinking about where I had come from only 3 months ago, it was a wee bit emotional and I was so proud of myself. The furthest I walked 3 months ago was from the car to the wine shop!
I am by not means “fixed” now and I still have to work at my recovery daily but I now have hope. I am thankful for my addiction as without it I would never had the opportunity to soul search the way I have and try to become the best version of me I can be. Many “normies” live their whole lives never looking so deeply at themselves to become the best version of themselves they can be, we are the lucky ones, the warriors, the brave hearted and we should never forget that! xx
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
