Setting a stopping date
 

I've been on and off this forum for 4 months. I definitely want to stop alcohol completely, I don't enjoy it, it's expensive and I'm sure it's not doing my health any good.

I've been cutting down to twice a week and trying to be sensible with eating dinner and going to bed earlier rather than sitting up too late and not knowing when to stop. Monitoring my units etc so I'm aware of how much I'm having.

I keep coming on here saying day one but just gets to the weekend and I do the usual. So I've been reading up on addiction recently and it says some have the epiphany and just stop and some it's more of a slow process with many false starts.

I've been thinking and I've decided I'm going to set a date to stop. I am embarrassed to admit I have a problem which is strange as plenty of my friends openly admit they drink too much where as compared to them I don't drink as much but for me it's too much. The go sober for October is coming up so I can use the excuse I'm doing that so no one will really question it if I'm out and not drinking and after I can say I've decided to continue not drinking.

As Maxwell said there are two kind of people: on is waiting to feel the moment to act and the other one acts to feel like it afterwards.

I was someone who had to feel the moment, so I was drinking minimum quantities and when I could a wave I used it, for example being outside my routines on vacation od a different location.

What are you? Don't fool yourself. Deciding to go on a diet on an full stomach is easy.

Afterwards I would have better designed such occasions by planning of breaking routines. Also I would engage in as much sober behavior as it gets whenever possible, eg going to the gym, walking in the woods, park, etc.

If you catch a wave, why not sontanious go on a biking tour, city trip, whatever, on the first weekends?

Again, with cutting alcohol, to me it is to know yourself and to steer yourself or join AA and the like and use a pre designed program.

All the best!

LongLady

You know yourself best, but I used to find all sorts of excuses for not stopping now. Choosing the next start of month was a common one. And then I would slip and think "well, I'll do the next start of month".

Maybe what you are saying is best for you. But to me choosing 'start of the month' gave me one opportunity once a month, rather than the opportunity I actually had of every single day in a month.

I think today (12th September) is actually a fantastic day to embrace sobriety :)

I'm planning on this weekend being my last weekend so not October. I've been wondering if I should do it this way for a little while.

I like to be in control of situations, get prepared and it's easy to say "I'm never drinking again" when I'm hungover so I want to stop on my terms.

I suppose I have had the epiphany of sorts that I want to quit but the actual doing of it is much harder than I thought it would be. I've needed to process all this in my head to get to this point.

Ahhh yes, the one last "time" plan.

A plan to quit at some future date, is just a plan to keep drinking. I drank for ten years planning on quitting tomorrow. I got sober when I quit today.

One thing Rehab taught me was to live life on life’s terms, not my own terms as that is what got me into the mess in the first place. Trying to control everything is very tiring and often leads to lots of stress and disappointment or it did for me anyhow. If my way worked I would have already been sober, letting go of wanting to do it my way was really hard but absolutely necessary for success. It’s called surrender and until I surrendered I was not getting off the merry go round for any significant period of time.

If you still want to “set a date” then I would suggest you use this time to create a robust recovery plan. Understand what your triggers are and write out what actions and changes you can make so when they hit you have a way to get through it without alcohol. Take care of you HALT’s (hungry, angry, lonely, tired), exercise every day even if it’s just a 20 minute brisk walk a day, do gratitude every day also. I go to online SMART meetings in the weeks as there is no excuse for me not to go as I don’t even have to leave the house but it keeps me close to a positive recovery community and that is worth it’s weight in gold!

Best of luck xx

We don't know if we have even one more tomorrow. I gambled on having many till I finally heard it when (yet another) doctor told me I had very few left, maybe a year, 18 mo, if I kept going.

Now, I don't know if I have a to,or row but I do know that when I die it will be after using the last of my life as whole and well and happy as I could.

Taking a chance on that life- like said above, on how I would feel AFTER I quit, was the best thing I ever did.

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Hi LongLady

The one suggestion I would have if you are doing it this way is not to get caught in the trap of thinking "this will be my last time, so I'll make it a good one!". Planning "last time drinking" days, for me, contributed even more to my drinking (because I could give up very frequently!) and probably exposed me to the highest and most dangerous blood alcohol levels (though thankfully I didn't suffer more short term damage than lost wallets, phones, etc).

If you are going for a 'controlled exit' (though I think you can also do that by choosing not to drink from today), I would really make sure you go out with a whimper and not with a bang (not that I could ever have managed that myself, but you are not me).

Setting a date in the future never worked for me l either just didn't do it or drank more than normal the night before and the resulting hangover just set me up for a fail. I like be prepare aswell, l could have the perfect plan to quit l just liked the preparing part more than the quitting part lol.

If you are going to quit do it today, also you don't need to have a reason to tell your friends why you aren't drinking because you will have no business being anywhere near alcohol for a while.

Good luck.

mm.

The Bargaining stage.

I remember that. "Only drink on weekends. Do it my way. Limit myself to two. Quit next week."

I'm with Carl. That's not stopping, that's finding reasons and justification to keep drinking.

There's never an easy time or a harder time. When's the best time to plant a tree? Ten years ago. When's the second best time? Today.

The time to change is always Now.

I'm glad you're going to stop drinking, but, honestly, today is a good day to do that. And, I didn't tell anyone when I stopped drinking. I didn't want any questions, I just wanted to stop. I simply said, 'No, thanks' and offered no explanation. Remember you don't owe anyone an explanation as to why you are drinking or not.

I agree with the comments above - I remember this same stage. Although I hope you set a date and commit, the deeper truth is tomorrow never comes.

"Setting a date to quit" is something I did so many times. Spent more energy negotiating the terms with myself than I did realizing I actually had to just quit forever and for good.

It's funny (or sad) isn't it- that we somehow feel we need to explain or even excuse not drinking alcohol. We don't feel a need to to do that for tobacco or heroin.

Hi all setting a date sounds like you are going to get married and most of us know how that ends up.. badly....

the Doctor did that with my hubby and the morphine the Doc had him on for to many years.. set a date that is where you will end up no longer taking or needing the drug... know what kiddo .. I feared for my life for 3 months before that date.. I feared for my hubby's mind.. knowing that the body was going to try and kill him.. and on that last weekend.. I called ER had RN on phone with me I was hidden from hubby in the house. he was screaming mad... silence and I said call the EMT's he is down.. they got there just as his heart stopped.. he was on a special for floor at hospital for 11 days. I have it on tape.. he had no idea who he was where he was and most of the time had no idea who anyone around him was.. day 10 he looked at me and smiled Ah Ardy you are here. .my Eddie Lee and his I will control this and never can..

Dear Heart don't pick a day. clean out the house the car all your hiding places and then look at yourself in the mirror and say now right now not later RIGHT NOW and circle the date in the calendar in red this is the day you start to be a different person.. the Man in the Mirror you want a better world start with that person in the mirror first... love prayers and hopes for a better today right this very second.. a clown...

I agree with Carl as well. You are only fooling yourself, you still want to drink more than you want to quit. You're living in the Now every day just like the rest of us -you wake up only to postpone. You = determine your future. The bargaining in your mind is just the BS you are trying to talk yourself into. Get real: put it down and pour it out, or keep drinking. Life is about choices. If you need help, AA and a sponsor would be a great start.

Hello,

I'm in agreement with others about setting a date, it is so easy to bargain with yourself for just one more occasion/day, and I think most of us always found a reason to drink, I know I did. I attempted moderation in the past and failed miserable, but just to make sure I attempted it on numerous occasions, with the same results.

I finally just decided I am done, it was NYE 2015, and I said that's it, and I haven't had a drink since. Having a recoery plan was so important though. Start with today, what can you do today to help you stay sober.

Setting a date in the future to quit is just putting it off. You never know what might happen during your next drunk. :( I'd quit today.

I'm with a lot of folks here.

Tomorrow never comes. At least, that was my experience. I can't count how many plans I made to start something on a given date in the future and then didn't.

I've always been more capable of catching the wave in the moment and riding it's momentum through the early hours.

Good luck to you- regardless of all that I wrote, it comes down to whatever works.

-B

Longlady, it must seem a lot of us have been hard on you. It's only because the experience of many of us is that alcohol has controlled us, rather than us being in control of alcohol. So when you talk of carrying on drinking for a bit longer in order to try to have more control, it just sounds too much like the alcohol is still the one in control.