direlyn

I just want to say my alcohol binges never have any fun for me. I got 2 months maybe off pretending I'm okay, then find myself in some way, literally on the street or luckily on some forniture. Hopefully out of the cold, but always a filthy mess likely his throat bleeding now. And what has this become, when 1 month ago I got a house, a job, things were looking up.

Yet every time seemingly according to season like clockwork, maybe more frequent, maybe minorly the other way I become a pool on the ground unaware of my surroundings. Functioning alcoholic? I never knew the word. I destroy everything with my drinking, mostly myself, and I don't care who knows.

direlyn

Tonight I almost lost a dear friend. All she wanted was my time for a week. I was completely wrecked to the needing a hospital visit. The type of drinking where IF you wake up in the morning, you're blacked out inchohesive by 8. Maybe you've vomited all over yourself.

AtomicBlue

Doesn’t sound good direlyn. What’s your plan?

direlyn

What I alwaysplan. Take all the right steps. Take and adhere to the medication I'm supposed to take. This last time I began working a program. I have a house, finally and very important when you've been on the street. I have work, very good, or so they tell you. And I do all the things they tell me to do and I feel like a ******* sham.

direlyn

There's only one person I care about hurting. Otherwise this world is ******* bunk.

AtomicBlue

Sounds like good things. I started feeling like you about the world at the end of my drinking days. My perspective is much better now. One thing I do know for sure is the world never gets better for me if I continue drinking.

Dee74

I'm sorry to read things are bad direlyn, but maybe coming back here can help you start again - a new beginning?

D