Morning
 

8 days sober. When I first wake up in the morning, I feel so sad and depressed. I literally have to jump out of bed so I can get ready for work and get my youngest child ready for school or I would remain immobile. I always ask myself why is it other people that I know can handle working, taking care of children, etc like a normal adult and I have a difficult time juggling and acting like a responsible adult. I have poor coping skills. I think because and I don't want to use my childhood as an excuse but I never had any type of nurturing or feeling of unconditional love from my mom. If I got sick, it was an inconvenience and I couldn't express my feelings or emotions. My aunt who is my mom's sister was completely different to her daughters. So supportive, loving, and always there for them. I don't how I got the short end of the stick. Sorry for rambling and sounding so random, but I don't want to bottle my feelings/emotions up, this is what popped up in my head this morning.

Hi Chung I think a lot of us have bad things in our past. For what it's worth I don;t think it's ever too late to start a chapter 2 in the book of our life...and stopping drinking is like starting to put pen to paper :)

Things will get easier, I promise :)
D

Chung I am so sorry mornings are tough. Could you incorporate an incentive for yourself in the morning? Just to say to your self, hey we made it another day?? I allow myself to run two miles every morning but I think that’s not everyone’s cup of tea haha! Be gentle with your soul during this time. Nurture yourself.

No need to apologize for rambling here, Chung. Venting is better than drinking. I had a bad childhood too, and as a result I didn’t learn good coping skills and instead used alcohol as a coping mechanism. Now that I am older and wiser and know better, I am so grateful there are healthier alternatives. I am also trying to be a much better mom to my son than the mom I had. This is one of my big motivators for staying sober. Plus I want him to see me as a role model in regards to alcohol use. Hang in there. Things will keep getting better. Are you talking to anyone, maybe a counselor, about coping skills? Coming here is great. I needed more though, so I also have a therapist when I need someone neutral to talk to. I needed it a ton in the early sober days.

Day 8 Chung....hang in there. It took you, I'm guessing, at least a few years to get where you are....its gonna take some time to start to feel better. Could be 3-6 months.

I posted to you in another thread about the narrative that I see developing in your posts. I invite you to consider that you can actually write your narrative any way you want. If you want the past to define your present, it will. If you don't, it won't. No it's not simple, but the concept is easy.

I had a neglecting Mom too. Dad was a severe drunk, Mom just a garden variety heavy drinker. In my 20's and some of my 30's I blamed everything on my childhood or some other aspect of my life or person. And ya know, I'm sure I had a really good narrative. Sexual abuse, neglect, addiction....and so on. Got some good fuel to add to the narrative when I got cancer, then hub died of cancer, then I got cancer again. The problem with the narrative is the main character, ME, learned nothing but helplessness. Rationalization and denial.....2 supporting characters.

I guess what I'm saying is, try rewriting the narrative. Your Mom isn't the Mom anymore, you are. You don't ever have to abuse or neglect your children again. Re-write your story. Start today. I know I am my thoughts. Change doesn't happen overnight, but it starts with "I will not drink, no matter what. I will go through life's challenges sober. I will learn. I will forgive. I will grow."

First of all I am so sorry for everything that you have gone through. I also lost my husband years ago in a car accident and just went through breast cancer last year BUT you have endured so much more. I admire your strength and your honesty. I needed to hear that so I can stop repeating the same narrative. Your post really struck a chord with me. You are 100% correct about me starting to rewrite the narrative. I want to move forward and want to trust the process slowly. Thank you so much again.