septembersun88

I have been five days sober after drinking again for the last 8months. I got in contact with my family or well they decided to call out of the blue after over 10 months of no contact. my mother is a drug user and my step father enables her. we have had a broken relationship for years. i have been struggling after having my son to be sober. ( i only drink when my husband is home and asleep with the baby) then my days are just waiting for everyone to be asleep to drink. I want to quit but it never happens or well life happens i was going strong 5 days and randomly my family calls after months of MIA there is alot of bad history and drove me to drink tonight i want to continue on for my husband and child but i always feel like he (husband) cant relate to how just hearing from my parents can break me I didnt want them to call or expect it....and it was a negative call my mom not wanting to talk and my step dad trying to hold conversation after months of no contact.....I just need support that tonight was bad but maybe i can get through this...5 days was more than i have done in months

Buckley3

Hey there. Kudos for reaching out. Takes courage.

A lot of us can relate... messed up relationships with family, that damn cycle of wanting to quit but just not able to find the mojo to do so, etc..

You aren't alone. Know that.

Quit for yourself first. There's a theme in some of what you wrote. You are very considerate of other people's needs. But what about your own? This is about you first. And it's ok that it is. We deserve to treat ourselves compassionately. In fact, many of us have to learn how to take care of ourselves first before we can really do anything else very well.

Start by quit for yourself. Set some boundaries while you do so (especially in the early days.) Protect your decision to get well and get sober.
If you need to block out your parents/ whoever do so, you can deal with them later and you don't owe them an explanation right now. Give yourself a week or so of just not drinking and then start figuring out where things stand. First things first. One day at a time. It adds up pretty quick if you just stick with it.

But most important, just don't drink. Do it for yourself, you deserve it.

Best-

B

Berrybean

You know, there is lots of support available. Here. AA. ACoA, to name but a few.

BUT, none of these will stop you taking a drink if you continue to hold on to the belief that alcohol helps you when these things happen. Life will continue tk happen. People will continue to happen. And drinking doesn't make us any better equipped to deal with it. We can (and do) rationalise every slip. But at the crux of it, rationalisation is just excuse-making. I didn't really drink because people hurt me. I drank because I held on to the belief that alcohol soothed me when people hurt me. But it was counterproductive, because while I drank I didn't learn new And better ways to deal with stuff (which is kinda what Recovery is about). Eventually it got bed enough that I got desperate enough to try recovery instead of the quick fix if drinking, but I did need the support of here, AA and a counsellor to do that. That support was there for me once I reached out for it, and it's there for all of us. My part of it was to listen and be ready to try to change the way I thought and did things, even when I didn't like the sound of it or didn't understand how or why something could help. Took a good while for me to be desperate enough to get that willing though.

In the meantime perhaps a better quick fix might be blocking your parents numbers from your phone so they can't just contact out of the blue. Another thing that might help is to accept that there is no reason why your partner would be able to understand how this stuff makes you feel, and perhaps give him some ideas of things he can do to help in that situation. Sometimes our expectations of those we live can be pretty skewed and it just leaves us with a heartful of resentment which does nothing for our peace and sobriety. Gratitude is another powerful tool. When the past threatens to steal away our peace we can adjust our perspective by looking instead at the wonderful things and people we have NOW. If you find that tough at the moment then Gratitude 365 is a great app to get on your phone that can help.

Recovery is possible. But not while you continue to drink. I hope you'll reach out for some more of that support and try some new and better ways of dealing with your pain. After all, if alcohol really worked you wouldn't be here on this forum.

BB

septembersun88

thank you so much.

septembersun88

I am scared of going to recovery because i had been places before and they werent very nice and blamed me for being a drunk and causing my own depression I went to a hospital once very drunk with my sister asking for help and he told me ( the doctor) it was my own fault and im just another dumb drunk and need to see my depression comes from booze not any real issue... i flipped out waited for the next doctors shift as they asked after i got mad and she cried ( the AM doctor) and said im sorry and i said i just want to go home and well they let me go after i made a big stink which was partly because i was afraid to go and partly because that doctor had no clue what emotions i was dealing with...

Dee74

Welcome septembersun
getting sober is scary but you'll find a ton of support and understanding here

D