Primativo

Well I've slipped up both weekends since my initial relapse.

I drank the Saturday before last, and I drank again last Friday.

Again, both times I had no intention of drinking. Thankfully no major harm done, both times I managed to refrain from drinking the very next day, but it has made my cravings and the obsessing return a bit.

The Saturday before last, that woman came over, and I planned to tell her straight away that I wasn't drinking. She basically shoved a gin and tonic in my hand as soon as she walked through the door, and I drank it, and then we shared a bottle of wine. She stayed over, and the next day she left and then in the week, she ended it with me. I felt gutted because I genuinely liked her, but she said she felt there wasn't enough of a connection. I was upset that I'd ruined my sobriety over a woman that was now no longer interested. It was a harsh lesson to learn.

But we move on. Then last Friday, I had a friend over from the other side of the world, we hadn't seen each other in over two years. I drove to the bar, and I think deep down I knew I may end up drinking, everyone was downing champagne, I lasted about an hour before I caved in. I then got home and did a whole bottle of wine to myself. I felt awful on saturday.

I am going to throw myself back into AA, and am going to lay low for the next month. No social engagements or visits to bars. No need to put myself at risk until I am feeling more resolute in my sobriety.

I don't want to drink, all 3 relapses have been social pressure I guess. Which means I need to avoid those situations for a month at least.

Day 4 tomorrow. Back on the horse.

D122y

Way back in Jun 2016 I was in Mexico at an all inclusive resort. Free food and booze all day and night.

My wife took all the water bottles in the room on an excursion. I got up, was thirsty and decided to drink some water out of the tap. I figured it was good water because it was a nice American style hotel.

After I drank a belly full, I decided to ask room service if the water was safe to drink. They said....oh no...don't drink it...you will get Montezuma's Revenge.

I remembered that alcohol can kill water born bactieria so I decided to drink a shot of whisky to kill the bacteria. It was a medicinal decision that SR folks advised I should reset my sobriety date.

I didn't take the advice, well sort of didn't. Anyway, when I did the shot, it was like a wave of evil passed through my body. I almost said...line em up. I saw these drunks staring at me smiling.

I left the bar and ate a bunch of food and worked out.

I made it through the relapse or whatever it is call when you intentionally do 1 shot for medicinal reasons. Either way a similar thing happended about a year later. Same sort of scenario. Same advise.

Bottom line is 140 days clean is a ton of clean time. Don't drink anymore and you can keep the date like I did.

Up to you.

Thanks.

Gerard52

That June 2016 shot or was it half shot. The most famous shot in the world.

Caralara144

Hey I think it's something we are all capable of doing ..each and every one of us !!!
That's why I find this site so very helpful in recovery...it brings us all together as a community .. through the good and the bad ..The highs and the lows..We learn from each other in ways we wouldn't if we were just doing this alone ....I tell myself I'm allergic to alcohol so therefore if I touch it I will become very ill ...(Which I will)
But I think your brilliant ...forget about your one night and keep on counting
We're all human ...We rise an fall !!!!
Cara x

August252015

You have gotten good comments....so I point this out gently. I highlighted this phrase because 140 days IS a great achievement.

It is not a huge period of abstinence, however.

Moreover, if it is just abstinence, which is the very first step, it might not be Recovery. That distinction is important to me because just not drinking wouldn't change me for the better.

It's just past four months. A time when focusing on ourselves vigilantly is so critical. If we plan on permanent sobriety, even if we help by phrasing that one day or situation or whatever at a time, you are very new.

Relationships sober took and take a lot of effort for me. Being responsible for someone else's emotions was not something I could do for awhile.

There are lots of thing we have to change and learn about ourselves first, before we are best suited to take on others.

Now you are at a new beginning that you can proceed from differently than before.

Committing to AA and rcovery program that will help you choose not to do things rather than not mean to do things, like you have shared, is a great plan. You can do it.

Hawking22

This is an awesome thread, thank you for sharing your stories and the others for your shares as well.

I didn't have quite as much time as you, but I recently went back out to do some research myself...thank goodness, like you, I came right back but I could already sense I was letting that beast out again and it could so stinking easily turn into a bloody nightmare.

It sucks sometimes, and I find myself conveniently leaving the part about me being in recovery out when I'm talking to a prospect, which bothers me. I want to give off the "I'm normal" impression so desperately. But as another poster mentioned, it's funny how in the past when I have drunk on dates to "fit in", I start noticing the raised eyebrow ("another shot? Hm, wow") it becomes quickly obvious I'm not normal, and I scare them away.

You inspired and the others have inspired me and reminded me that until I'm comfortable in my sobriety, maybe it's not the time for me to re-enter their world, and invite new people into my life. You sound in a very stable place though, and good luck with the lucky gal!