LuluBread

Day 2 once again. I've been alone now going on 5 years. Literally isolated. I've been dealt some heavy blows and have had the rug pulled from under me several times. Just lost another job 2 weeks ago. Last year I got a job offer in California. Packed up all my things, uprooted myself and drove a 20ft truck all alone to Calabasas only to get there to hear they changed their mind. Had to drive all the way back to Texas. Got back here and looked for another job. Got it and lost it. Cannot collect unemployment it's too soon. I started drinking hard a few months ago and it got bad. I guess the only good thing about losing the job is that it has scared me so bad I stopped drinking. This being alone is maddening. I'll never get someone until I'm healed, clean, and sober. All it takes is one sip on a glass of wine to send me into a 6 week bender. I guess dating is out of the question and the loneliness will continue. I'm so tired of talking about myself it's so selfish. I'm really sick and disgusted in my weakness. All I have that's good is day 3. And that will still be bad. Physically and mentally not doing all that great. I listened to some podcasts this morning and didn't help....just made me feel worse. I don't want to be alone anymore. ---- Just read what I wrote. How utterly pathetic.

yinzer

Don’t call yourself pathetic. Your feelings are valid and real. It sounds like you’ve been having some tough times recently. I’m glad you are on day three,; stick close by and stay sober. Get yourself healed and on the right track before you think about dating. Learn to love yourself. Are there meetings or meet up groups where you can network with others?

lessgravity

Nothing sounds pathetic to me about all of that. What can you do to right your ship today?

Anna

Lulu, you are not pathetic at all.

Congratulations on Day 3. Stop for a moment and pat yourself on the back. You are aware that you need to heal yourself and you are beginning the process. Everyone has to begin somewhere. You can be the person you want to be. And, you're right, that you will need to heal yourself before you find someone to share your life with.

Hugs to you!

MissOverIt

Not pathetic, no way no how. 3 days is huge! Let’s get to day 4 now Until then, how about a walk? Job hunt online. Maybe schedule a volunteering day next week to get you out of the house and feel like your working to get that momentum going??

Mango212

Lulu, I'm glad you're here, at SR, in this life.

I've felt very alone, too.

What are you doing for nourishment today?

PhoenixJ

No pathetic, not alone.
I moved (with 2 sons and then- wife), then lost job after job..booze. Before, during adter work.
All grown up- sons moved out of home, as did ex- just me a booze. 10 years. Very, very bad end...literally,.
BUT I am here- supporting you. Keep posting, join some threads, make a plan, get support- meetings etc.
You are NOT ALONE, THERE IS ALWAYS HOPE WHERE THERE IS LIFE.

LuluBread

There are AA meetings here somewhere. I've got to look again at the times. To right my ship today? Took every ounce to sweep the floor and make a green smoothie, but did it. Going to the gym to try for an hr on the treadmill. No alcohol. Try and not think of all the interviewing I will have to go thru soon. I just did it 6 times in 5 years and lost every job. Can that be trying to balance it out? What else is there but this silence that sometimes can be miserably empty and makes things difficult to do. -- Just read this and again, ridiculous that I added in a negative to all of it. Losing a job plus alcohol withdrawals. Yay.

MantaLady

First and most imortant thing for you to do right now is show yourself some love and be kind to yourself. There is nothing pathetic in what you wrote or how you feel. Day 3 is nothing to be sniffed at, you should be very proud as all of us here know how hard the first few weeks are, but you've done it, you are doing it!

AA meetings are a good place to meet people who understand but if you're not ready for that or unsure maybe try some online SMART meetings. There are many of them in the US daily and you can even join the ones in the UK. You can be anonymous and talk if you want or just type in the main meeting chat, or even just listen in the background. Hearing others that are going through the same struggle really helps to not feel so alone and also see how hard we can be on ourselves when we should be giving ourselves a hug and a break.

Keep posting and hope you stick around, SR is a wonderful place and lots of very supporting wise heads here, no judgement and a community that really understands. xx

LuluBread

Just to clarify, today is day 2. Tomorrow is day 3. Yesterday was day ONE. I'm glad for that...(just trying to be positive for once). I'll check out SMART when I return from the gym. I have to force myself to go....

Michael2018

Lulu. As others have said, you are not pathetic. You are like everyone here - people who need, or have needed, healing.

2muchpain

There's nothing pathetic about you or what your're going through. Your dealing with a really tough time. Many people here can relate to it, so keep posting. Sounds like you really want to quit drinking and that's the most important thing. It also sounds like you are working hard to put a plan together. As far as doing things like going to AA meetings, going to the gym or checking out SMART, I think of the old Nike phrase, "just do it". Takes all the thinking and excuses out of the equation. Have a nice evening. John

lessgravity

These are good things. Keep it moving.

LuluBread

Thanks everyone. I was looking forward to coming back and checking in. Did hour treadmill and then some light weights for arms. I'm so out of shape.
Tomorrow seated bike and legs and abs. Maybe I will get out in the sun by the community pool? We'll see how things go. I'm trying and that's all I can do for now. Hope everyone else has a good Friday evening. LuLu

MissOverIt

So great to hear! Sounds like a Plan-Stan

LuluBread

3rd day. I don't know what to say at the moment.

StartAnew68

The main thing is you are here and you are sober. You don't have to say anything xx

I'm currently in an online meeting on the Intheroom website. I've never actively participated but just sitting here listening is very helpful

2muchpain

Made it to day 3. That says a lot. John

Ayers

Pat yourself on the shoulder, Lulu . Give yourself a hug .

Because guess what - you are DOING it !!! Well done on day 3!

Branches

For what it's worth, I don't think you're pathetic at all.
A) You may have lost jobs but you are still out there looking for work - Good on you.
B) In spite of not being in the best of circumstances, you are trying to become sober with all the challenges that process entails and not a hella lot of resources to comfort/distract yourself during said process. Again, I say, good for you!
C) You're now three days in and even went to the gym and did something healthy for yourself instead of doing a pout and feeling sorry for yourself. Congratulations!
So, looking at A, B, and C, I think we can all reasonably conclude that you are most not definitely a weak "pathetic" person, but someone who is stronger than they realize. I hope to see you often on here.