Originally Posted by nez

In my early attempts at sobriety I focused on why. It drove me crazy. Why? Why? Why? Progress for me during this period was non-existent. When I started to focus on how. How to stay sober, changes started to occur that continue to this day some 15 years later. Why is about the past. How is about the present. I can't change the past. My present effects my future so I try to keep my focus on how.

Originally Posted by Gerard52

You are doing something about it now, so well done.

Originally Posted by Ben123

Hi Chung. So much of what you said is true for me.

All you can do is stay sober. You can’t make the past right today, you can’t become the perfect partner today, you can’t feel better all the time today.

Please stay sober for today. Listen to the people (not me!) who’ve done it and act on what they say.

One day your kids will say our dad is amazing because he was addicted to alcohol but stopped drinking because he loved us so much

Originally Posted by Mango212

Chung, sending good vibes. Recovery is possible. That in itself gives hope.

Getting mad at God can be a good starting point. Opening up new lines of communication.

Ben, good tips.

One thing important though, is loving our kids or anyone else is not enough to get into real recovery, whether from alcoholism, addictions or from other trauma. For all those kids out there who's dads or moms have relapsed or not found recovery, it isn't because there isn't love enough. This disease doesn't discriminate. It'll take down anyone. No one person better than another.

The great news is, recovery happens every day. As illogical as the disease is, getting into recovery doesn't fit any one mold, either. There are many paths. Keep trying.

Prayer:

God, please give me eyes to see and ears to hear your guidance in my life. Please give me signs. Please help me see and hear them.

Thank you, God, for this day.

Originally Posted by Chung

I am self loathing today. I am 4 days sober today and I am asking God why am I an alcoholic who put my family in financial distress, caused my children anxiety and anger and deprived them of a normal, stable home life. On the outside for example at work, I seem like a happy go lucky type of person and then when I used to go home and drink, and not every single night but more than enough times to count, I was an angry drunk who lashed out at my children and fiance and then would tell the kids don't tell anybody about my drinking and how I acted. I really hate myself today and to tell the kids to not say anything (a family dirty secret). I feel like such a bad person and want to know why alcoholics were created. It just doesn't seem fair for other people to be normal, mature, capable adults...nothing good comes out of being an addict. Everybody I work with are great very hands-on parents and have their whole retirement savings lined up, have enough money to send their kids to college without student loans. I could have done that too, except I am an alcoholic who made bad financial decisions because my mind was not clear.