Amends?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 573
Hi Bunchie. I get what you're saying. I've had some head scratching myself. I guess just like any other group of folks AA has people that really take it seriously and make the effort to follow thru with things as well as people who don't really care and are just going thru the motions. There are also those who don't really get it (or certain aspects of the program). I guess what I'm getting at is, don't let it alarm you. It's just humans being human. Hypocrisy isn't limited to any one group. Just focus on trying to make you the best version of you. The rest, just pray for once in a while. Don't let it derail your sobriety or your program.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 149
Originally Posted by Gottalife 
Bunchie, I also get your question about endless amends. The way it sounds, the people from our past must get mightily sick of us if we keep going back. But we don't.
One way to think of it is that step 9 is about clearing up the wreckage of the past. Done right, it is a oncer. Done wrong more problems are created and more amends needed later. Thai is why a sponsor is so important with this step.
The principle of amends is learned in this step and then applied as and when required in step ten as we continue in our sober life. In this respect I am making amends almost everday, everytime I make a mistake. My wife is the main beneficiary. It helps me a great deal to keep the decks clear.
Admitting when I am wrong is not an easy thing to do, it's uncomfortable and painful and it puts the offending defect of character in full view. I would rather not have to do it, but I think the constant facing of the defect has the effect of wearing it down, eventually almost making it redundant. Sooner or later the downside of the defect outweighs the upside.
One way to think of it is that step 9 is about clearing up the wreckage of the past. Done right, it is a oncer. Done wrong more problems are created and more amends needed later. Thai is why a sponsor is so important with this step.
The principle of amends is learned in this step and then applied as and when required in step ten as we continue in our sober life. In this respect I am making amends almost everday, everytime I make a mistake. My wife is the main beneficiary. It helps me a great deal to keep the decks clear.
Admitting when I am wrong is not an easy thing to do, it's uncomfortable and painful and it puts the offending defect of character in full view. I would rather not have to do it, but I think the constant facing of the defect has the effect of wearing it down, eventually almost making it redundant. Sooner or later the downside of the defect outweighs the upside.
I am understanding better now the responses have been great, I just have to take what I feel is good for me out of the meetings and I am glad we continue to make amends while sober, that is cleared up for me, for awhile I thought the program of AA was delivering a message of contrition that we will never to be able to overcome. I need positive reinforcement , I always have but I have to look back at my past and face it , just like I do at Sunday mass which I attend every week. I think some people interpreted my post as me being not contrite, that is the furthest thing from the truth. In my drunkenness I always apologized right away to whomever I felt I offended. I always have explained to my kids when I was drunk in front of them, which I tried to avoid at all situations, that I was wrong and I hope they never pick up a drink. I was never a mean drunk but I became out of control as the stress in my life mounted. I actually when first married hardly drank at all when my kids were young, when in my twenties I was drunk every weekend off to the races. I had kids settled down and after about 10 years of occasionally drinking on holidays and special occasions, I reverted back to my old ways , I always paid my bills, took care of my children and wife, but I look back now and know I could of done better, especially the last 5 years after kids went to college , I was an empty nester acting like I was in my twenties again. This was all my own doing , I did not have cravings during my time of occasionally drinking, but I slowly ramped it up to the point of cravings and withdrawal, and anxiety and all the other crap booze springs on us. I just have to settle in and figure out my plan, AA or some other program,I see a counselor now she is really explaining the disease to me , told me to take what I think is good for me out of AA , also said that my problem is psychological and she will bring out the causes and help me deal with them.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 149
Originally Posted by MantaLady
By being so concerned and bothered about someone else not following the steps as you believe they should be carried out, by default you are not following the steps yourself, pot calling the kettle do you not think?
Maybe you would benefit from the kiresentment step, look at why this is bothering you so much with a sponsor. Best of luck xx
Maybe you would benefit from the kiresentment step, look at why this is bothering you so much with a sponsor. Best of luck xx
Ocean Lover!
Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: You know nothing Jon Snow - UK
Posts: 2,604
Originally Posted by bunchie
You obviously interpreted my post wrong, I have a problem with hypocrites, no problem at all with the steps.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
