5 months sober in a few days, on SR less and less
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
5 months sober in a few days, on SR less and less
I was just messaging with another member here about this - that although SR was such an integral and essential part of me finally getting sober, I'm having trouble staying an active member. I'm sure others who have been here a while have had the same experience?
I don't want lose this place and, though I know it will "always be here", my feelings about and experience posting and responding to posts has really changed over time. I want to be someone who supports others as I was supported. But it seems like the things that worked most for me - often tough talk or just plain, uncomfortable honesty - are both not effective and not encouraged.
Anyhow I'm going to be 5 months sober in a week or so, need to check my sober counter on my phone. For anyone struggling - there is a way out. You have it in you. It takes work and pain though. Embracing the pain and then allowing the gifts of sobriety to really take hold have cleared the path to a much, much better life for me.
I hope everyone here also finds the way. Thank you as always SR.
I don't want lose this place and, though I know it will "always be here", my feelings about and experience posting and responding to posts has really changed over time. I want to be someone who supports others as I was supported. But it seems like the things that worked most for me - often tough talk or just plain, uncomfortable honesty - are both not effective and not encouraged.
Anyhow I'm going to be 5 months sober in a week or so, need to check my sober counter on my phone. For anyone struggling - there is a way out. You have it in you. It takes work and pain though. Embracing the pain and then allowing the gifts of sobriety to really take hold have cleared the path to a much, much better life for me.
I hope everyone here also finds the way. Thank you as always SR.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: England
Posts: 645
I went through a similar feeling about SR at about the 6 months mark. I asked myself was I spending an unnecessary amount of time here. I brought it up at my SMART meeting and we all discussed it. The feeling I had was, I'm sober now so don't need to do SR anymore. There would be one way to test that theory. Stop SR and SMART and see if I remained non-drinking. Not an experiment I wanted to take so here I still am but my feelings towards being here have changed again. I really enjoy my SMART group - it's my socializing for the week and I'm happy with that. In the same way I like coming here to SR.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Congrats on almost 5 months!
So I don't really over think the whole participation thing. I drink my coffee with SR, sometimes eat my lunch with SR (like right now). Sometimes check SR while I watch the news. Its just kinda my thing. If I don't feel like it, I don't. If I just feel like reading that's what I do. I dunno. I have a don't overthink anything approach to life now which is pretty much a 180 from my norm.
As far as tough love, straight talk. Don't you feel like you have a sense for whether or not a poster can 'handle' or 'receive' that kind of communication? I mean, I've said lots of stupid stuff and probably will say lots more. But I hope I can adjust my style based on what I am responding to. I also find I do better when I post only to posts that 'resonate' for me. I never was good at the greeting thing, and I have posted some tougher talk with folks that keep having the exact same issues and seem unable to even try to accept some guidance. But mostly I try to share my personal experience. That makes tough talk less necessary. It just becomes about what has worked for me.
Anywho, I wouldn't worry about it. Folks come and go here. The fact that we are all so much alike makes it easy for others to fill the shoes of anyone who has left. We've all been there, done that, ya know?
Just don't stay away if you need SR. And the weird thing is, at least for me, I may or may not know what I actually need, until I really do.
I'm pretty sure this post makes zero sense!!
So I don't really over think the whole participation thing. I drink my coffee with SR, sometimes eat my lunch with SR (like right now). Sometimes check SR while I watch the news. Its just kinda my thing. If I don't feel like it, I don't. If I just feel like reading that's what I do. I dunno. I have a don't overthink anything approach to life now which is pretty much a 180 from my norm.
As far as tough love, straight talk. Don't you feel like you have a sense for whether or not a poster can 'handle' or 'receive' that kind of communication? I mean, I've said lots of stupid stuff and probably will say lots more. But I hope I can adjust my style based on what I am responding to. I also find I do better when I post only to posts that 'resonate' for me. I never was good at the greeting thing, and I have posted some tougher talk with folks that keep having the exact same issues and seem unable to even try to accept some guidance. But mostly I try to share my personal experience. That makes tough talk less necessary. It just becomes about what has worked for me.
Anywho, I wouldn't worry about it. Folks come and go here. The fact that we are all so much alike makes it easy for others to fill the shoes of anyone who has left. We've all been there, done that, ya know?
Just don't stay away if you need SR. And the weird thing is, at least for me, I may or may not know what I actually need, until I really do.
I'm pretty sure this post makes zero sense!!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: North Yorkshire UK
Posts: 765
Congrats on 5 months. Im like Frick. Click onto SR at random times...eating lunch, half an eye on the tv, travelling etc. I always say what i feel and if i dont think the OP can handle it then i dont say anything. I did feel the same at about 5 months though and i think even said on the 24 hour recovery thread I wont be around much more....and then was! Whatever you decide well done and stay sober. Xx
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 1,068
Originally Posted by lessgravity 
But it seems like the things that worked most for me - often tough talk or just plain, uncomfortable honesty - are both not effective and not encouraged.
"tough talk or just plain, uncomfortable honesty... worked most for me"
then why would you say they are not effective? I do agree that they are not encouraged.
If you are busy and don't have the time or inclination to keep posting here why not just read some and like posts that resonate with you? At least that works for me. YMMV.
Whatever you decide to do I wish you the best.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 108
Congrats on five months. I’m at five and a half. In the beginning, I never thought I’d get here. I’m new here and I’m sure this has been asked at nauseum, but has it gotten any easier for you? I find myself pleasantly bored out of my mind occasionally.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Lakeside, Arizona
Posts: 1,138
Originally Posted by Frickaflip233
But mostly I try to share my personal experience. That makes tough talk less necessary. It just becomes about what has worked for me.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 446
Congrats on 5 months! I wouldn’t worry so much about saying the wrong things here, sometimes it’s hard to find the right balance between straight talk and sugarcoating. We fix it and move on. Please stick around, I’ve always enjoyed your contributions.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
Congratulations on 5 months.
Well done!
Like, Frick, I tend to respond to posts that speak to me , those that I feel I have the experience to address.
And I understand the urge to talk tough or use straight talk. Some posts almost beg for that.
I resist the urge, tho, at least most of the time, and one way I use to do this is to wait a period of time before responding.
Anyway, thanks for posting and congrats again, less.
Well done!
Like, Frick, I tend to respond to posts that speak to me , those that I feel I have the experience to address.
And I understand the urge to talk tough or use straight talk. Some posts almost beg for that.
I resist the urge, tho, at least most of the time, and one way I use to do this is to wait a period of time before responding.
Anyway, thanks for posting and congrats again, less.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,414
I'm not going to get into another argument with anyone who says that honesty or straight shooting is discouraged here 
It's pretty much assured that you have a place here at SR for as long as you want it, less
D
It's pretty much assured that you have a place here at SR for as long as you want it, less
D
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Texas
Posts: 138
Just as you are changing in sobriety, your needs change. We learn to handle our triggers....I am coming up on three years. I read posts...contemplate...listen to others. When it's really hard, when that drink is screaming my name...I come here.
Re-Tread
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Meditation
Posts: 1,300
5 months is awesome, congrats.
I dont get too much time to post but I do read here quite a bit. I read here some even when I drank.
I mostly post on my phone and I dislike typing on it so I post less than I want. It makes sense you would drift away once you feel that solid foundation though. I think like me you have a busy life to tend.
As far as straight talk I prefer it but I have a mostly thick skin. The things that straight talkers have said in the past is usually what comes to my mind when I am struggling but thats just me.
I dont get too much time to post but I do read here quite a bit. I read here some even when I drank.
I mostly post on my phone and I dislike typing on it so I post less than I want. It makes sense you would drift away once you feel that solid foundation though. I think like me you have a busy life to tend.
As far as straight talk I prefer it but I have a mostly thick skin. The things that straight talkers have said in the past is usually what comes to my mind when I am struggling but thats just me.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,040
Congrats on five months. I have two years and 8 months, and enjoy checking in with friends I've made on SR. I also enjoy supporting people who are starting out, or starting back. It helps me stay grounded in recovery. The nice thing as others have mentioned you can respond to posts that resonate with you.
Whether it is SR, or SMART I think remaining active in recovery is important, complacency can be a dangerous place.
Whether it is SR, or SMART I think remaining active in recovery is important, complacency can be a dangerous place.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 674
As you know, I get the straight talk stuff. I'm glad you noted that it's not effective - or doesn't seem to be much of the time. Man can I relate to that feeling. I sometimes feel that not only is my straight talk not effective at times, but the price paid for the feathers it ruffles just feels too damn high.
And then I also remember that it wasn't any kind of talk that sobered me up. It was some heavy duty utility pole that I met at 60 mph and all the carnage as a result. Part of me thinks straight talk would have been a better option to get my attention. A bigger part of me knows hitting that pole was damn near the only thing that could have gotten my attention.
So as frustrated as I get when I'm standing on the outside of someone's life looking in and just dying inside for them to just wake the hell up and take a look around at what's right in front of them - or those times that I see people building in all the self-defeat in the world in the narrative they are spinning without even giving themselves a real chance - well, it's right about then I am quick to find that I can't really offer much of an explanation for my own inability to see what was right in front of me for all those years. The irony and hypocrisy of it all never fails to stun and perplex me in the most uncomfortable of ways.
It's usually at that point I decide it's time for some space and I stay away and just try to do some good living.
We all have our boundaries & thresholds. I've very much appreciated your point of view over the last several months. Heck, it feels like years already.
Whatever the future holds, let's just keep our eyes open ok? There's a lot of living to do out there. There's so much more to life than booze and the topic of booze. So much more. Mostly more. It feels good to be free to go live it eh? For the record, I'd die a little on the inside if I ever thought it got it's claws into you again and then *poof* all that possibility just goes away...
Catch you around bud. 'Grats on 5 months. Keep building! If ever in doubt of which way to go... point up!
-B
And then I also remember that it wasn't any kind of talk that sobered me up. It was some heavy duty utility pole that I met at 60 mph and all the carnage as a result. Part of me thinks straight talk would have been a better option to get my attention. A bigger part of me knows hitting that pole was damn near the only thing that could have gotten my attention.
So as frustrated as I get when I'm standing on the outside of someone's life looking in and just dying inside for them to just wake the hell up and take a look around at what's right in front of them - or those times that I see people building in all the self-defeat in the world in the narrative they are spinning without even giving themselves a real chance - well, it's right about then I am quick to find that I can't really offer much of an explanation for my own inability to see what was right in front of me for all those years. The irony and hypocrisy of it all never fails to stun and perplex me in the most uncomfortable of ways.
It's usually at that point I decide it's time for some space and I stay away and just try to do some good living.
We all have our boundaries & thresholds. I've very much appreciated your point of view over the last several months. Heck, it feels like years already.
Whatever the future holds, let's just keep our eyes open ok? There's a lot of living to do out there. There's so much more to life than booze and the topic of booze. So much more. Mostly more. It feels good to be free to go live it eh? For the record, I'd die a little on the inside if I ever thought it got it's claws into you again and then *poof* all that possibility just goes away...
Catch you around bud. 'Grats on 5 months. Keep building! If ever in doubt of which way to go... point up!
-B
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 604
Oh Less, you've been one of my fav's here. I just hope as you go through life you log on and let us know how you are doing. It feels like home to me to read your posts and I will miss hearing your words of encouragement should you NOT post. You've said before in other posts that you wondered how "so-and-so" was doing, and we shall wonder how you are as well. Please touch base from now and then. Wishing you the many blessings in life! Glad you are doing so well. xoxo
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