D122y

Sr Ohana,

I have a family friend that is struggling with addiction.

He has been drinking a bit his whole life and started having balance issues, fainting spells etc.

I had similar symptoms that led me to quit drinking and get well.

He got diagnosed with ptsd and chronic depression recently and is now on prosaic etc.

He still drinks booze and he is losing his grasp on life.

I feel that if he gave pure sobriety, 100% clean, a try he could snap out of his spiral

I told him about SR, but I think he is too stubborn, addicted, to listen.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

We could save his life. He has a wife and 3 boys that love him dearly and need him around, physically and mentally, for a lot longer.

Thanks.

Jim1958

I have the exact same situation with a friend from college. His family did an intervention on him a few years back. He did 28 days in rehab, went to about 3 meetings when he got out and started drinking again. All of his friends have tried to help. He drinks constantly. I finally realized I was enabling him by not coming out and telling him he had a problem. Others were more blunt. I have not heard from him. I think people have to want to change. Without that, I don't know if there is a solution. If you can, try an intervention. It did not work with my friend but it might with yours. Sorry.

aasharon90

Intervention by my own family placed me
in the hands of those capable of helping me,
teaching me about my addiction and hand
me the tools to use in my everyday life.

That was 28 yrs ago.

I was a stay at home mom, married
with 2 little ones at the time of the
intervention. Once I was released
I did whatever I needed to do to remain
sober everyday moving forward.

Yes, I did want sobriety to save my
life and family.

Hawking22

Has your friend expressed an interest in wanting to stop?

D122y

Short answer....yes.

I felt like he is crying for help, although he didn't directly say he wants help.

He was explaining his story, his feelings, his actions...and he seemed to be searching for a solution.

I offered, as clearly and tactfully as I could, that booze might be the culprit of all his problems. He said he quit for 5 days and he still felt terrible. That told me he has little idea of what, we here believe, he is dealing with when it comes to booze.

I told him how it took me over a year to see big changes, really close to 3 years to break super free (considering my 2 slips).

I told him I crave daily still.

On another note....seeing him struggle with this pre sobriety state is a chilling reminder of what waits for me if I were ever to relapse.

Thanks.

thomas11

Sorry to hear about your friend, but you know as well as the rest of us that if HE doesn't want to get well, he won't. And that's sad, but true. I say just be as supportive as possible and try to gently persuade him that a better life awaits.

D122y

Thomas,

Good advice, I figure I should know this answer by now.

It has a different feel when i have ties to the family and am looking at the man, his wife, and kids.

It is like I see a train wreck coming and I can't stop it.

Hope my testimony lit a spark of awareness of what he is dealing with.

It is scary though, he is a strong willed man, he believes whole heartedly in the second amendment. He is probably still drinking and drugging.

It is anything can happen time.

Thanks.

August252015

I wish we could stop others' train wrecks, but we cannot. That can't is not any different when it is someone we care about very much.

I've had to let go of a friend, leave him at a distance, simply praying he quits and before it's too late. Nothing has gotten him to stop and I can't.

Loving and supporting your friends family might be all you can do, d122y.

saoutchik

Hi D122Y, the optimist in me hopes that the Prozac will help with the depression and PTSD (despite the alcohol) which in turn might mean your friend shows more willingness to get sober. I would hope that your friend could get some psychological help and not have to rely on chemicals alone as that does seem to be a factor in his drinking. You being a friend to him in a time of need must be helping too. I hope he can dig deep and escape the spiral.


BTW are you really still craving every day? That sounds tough. After 3 years and eight months I do get them too but no longer every day and not like they were in the first month.

D122y

I talked to my wife, who knows his wife etc., My wife used to pressure me to quit when I was a drunk. That pressure helped me kick the habit. Maybe his wife will get the message and he can break free like I did.

I just worry about him because of the mix of booze and anti depressants. That is a death cocktail...especially if he blacks out w weapons in the house.

Scary.

Btw....my crave comes and goes.....but yes it is daily. Sometimes in the morning, mid day, and early evening. I drank at all hours do to my work schedule and life style.

But the crave is nothing like the first 6 months clean for sure.

I drank for so long that the thought of booze is still a reflex for nearly every occasion.

I always emulate non drinkers like my wife and son, some coworkers, and other folks that are well known. E.g. jlo, joe Walsh, Robert Downey, steven Tyler, slash etc.
I tell myself that it was time to grow up.

What ever works.

Like Thomas and August reminded, the decision is his to make. I know he is a brilliant man, so I pray he makes the right, common sense, choice.

Thanks.

Cosima11

I have a similar situation with a childhood friend. As if the drinking weren't bad enough he's now also using meth, selling meth, living out of hotel rooms.. Along with other incidents such as falling asleep at the wheel, being arrested or forced into detox, etc.

His mom actually asked me if I would move back home so maybe we could "be roommates and be each other's strength". I then had to explain that no, I'm almost a year sober myself and not able or willing to uproot my stability at this time. It's a really heartbreaking situation but as others have said if they don't want to stop, there is not much you can really do. I think in my friends case he needs to be offered treatment, but talking to his mom about the reality of the situation has been just as frustrating as talking to him about it.

Good luck and I hope things turn around for your friend.

Hawking22

Yeah, that sounds like a reach out for sure. I'm glad they have you to trust to talk to and lean on. Since they haven't come right out and asked, it might be a good approach to ask THEM for help. I.e. I'm really struggling right now and could use a friend, could you please come to a meeting with me?
I'm also trying to think of how you can gently 12 step them? I have a three page log of extremely powerful quotes from the big book and other sources that inspired me this time around to really quit. Anyway you can slip something like that to them in an email or a printed letter? With a little note saying "thinking of you. I love you and know hate seeing you suffer, why don't we give this a try?"