A moment of silence for those still sick and suffering
 

My friend is still not sober and cannot seem to grasp that she needs to get sober. She is not at fault- she seems to have been born that way. She is naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. Her chances are less than average...

Over the years I have watched her drink more and more and lose more and more of herself with each drink. She used to have a lot of passions, a lot of hobbies - I don't see her doing them anymore. She used to have a wide circle of friends. She spends a lot of time alone now. She is more irritable and isolates. No, she hasn't ended up in jails, hospitals, or institutions, but I fear if she keeps drinking she will lose the great self she used to be. What can I do? Nothing of course. Nothing but continue to carry the message. So that's what I'll do.

You know more about her than I do, but this seems just a little pessimistic to me. Are you saying that she has tried to sober up and been unable to be honest with anyone? I mean you would need to work with someone who appears to be trying for quite a while before you could put them in the incapable of being honest group.

Having been in her position, my thought is that she simply cannot see the seriousness of her problem. By every form of self deception and experimentation she will try to prove herself an exception to the rule and therefore non alcoholic. They call it denial, though it is not a conscious decision to ignore the facts, it is a psychotic inability to see reality.

There is always hope, and she is lucky to have a friend like you. The book, in the section on working with others has some suggestions on how you might help her. The main thing is that at some point there will likely be a window of opportunity where she will catch a glimpse of reality and be open to your help. It might be a long time coming, but if you can be on hand at the right tme, you may be of real help. Don't despair, miracles happen, quite a lot in my experience.

The original poster is quoting AA text and one piece that I definitely don't agree with, basically saying their way or you are defective somehow.

I am sorry. I have a couple of friends like this also. It is hard to watch. I do believe there is hope though because I used to be one of them. It does take a lot of determination but people can change if they really want to. It is tough when you can’t fix our loved ones though. I totally get it.