take care and good bye

Old 09-03-2018, 01:46 AM
  # 41 (permalink)  
bexxed's Avatar
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: here, now.
Posts: 1,227
I wanna tell you about this tattoo I have. It says “nolite te bastardes carborundorum”. It’s not really Latin, it’s kind of Latin-ish, and it basically means “don’t let the bastards get you down”. I got it at about six months sober, in a spot on my body I can see anytime I want.

We let the bastards get us down. They get to us because we let them.

They are people, but they are also in our own minds. They are our memories, our habits, addictions, demons, inner voices, what have you. All of these wrapped into one.

Anyway SR is a tool. There are a few people here with good intentions (why would they not have good intentions?) who sometimes tend to point out things like Our join date, old posts, etc. I personally think that that can often not be helpful, but others disagree and we all have our own style. We’re also all struggling with a common affliction. All of us are one drink away from each other. If it’s not helpful, ignore it. Most people here don’t remind us of join dates or mine our old posts to poke holes in something we’re expressing.

Childhood defense mechanisms are brilliant for children, not so much for adults. Resilience as expressed here might be white knuckling. I’m not your shrink so I can’t say, but it sounds like a possibility.

Also, I have you beat. I joined in 2011 and didn’t get sober until 2016. Don’t try to beat me, though.

Who benefits when you walk away from a useful tool for recovery because some person reminded you of how long you’ve been trying to get sober? You? Us?

We come here to heal. All of us. We can only save ourselves, but we can help each other get - and stay - there. And you help more people than you know. Everyone here does.

The real bastard is addiction. It’s very resilient and ultimately for us it’s the one thing that really will get us down if we let it. So don’t let it. Ignore the stuff that doesn’t help. Maybe it would help on a different day or in a different time, so let it be. Don’t let the bastards get you down.

Last edited by bexxed; 09-03-2018 at 01:48 AM. Reason: Clarity
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Old 09-03-2018, 02:09 AM
  # 42 (permalink)  
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Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 1,465
Hi John,

Seems that extremely bad things have happened to you in your life? Same here. Things that would break most people in two.

My history is different to yours but there is no 'top trumps' in misery, grief, abuse, death, addiction and depression (to name but a few).

Leaving SR solves nothing as you are smart enough to know. The challenge sits right between our ears - and like it or not - that is coming stuff is with us wherever we go.

Stick around. I'm glad I did.

Best Regards,

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Old 09-03-2018, 04:58 AM
  # 43 (permalink)  
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Location: NY & FL
Posts: 3,049
I'm glad you've decided to stay, John. It gets discouraging sometimes, eh? But, all we can do is keep on keeping on.
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Old 09-03-2018, 05:57 AM
  # 44 (permalink)  
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: California
Posts: 182
Awesome, John! Thank you for keeping us updated. I can now tell what a presence you have here, and look at all of the wonderful discussion and people you have brought out into the conversation. I now regret saying good-bye so easily before and not putting up more of a fight for you to stay, so I'm glad you are

I completely relate to the rollercoaster ride feeling; I truly hope things get better soon and look forward to more updates from you.

One of my best friends I call mom and the other dad; I go to "mom" when I want a shoulder to cry on and to be a bit coddled. "Dad" typically has the "rub some dirt on it, pull yourself up, you need to do this, it could be worse" tough love attitude. Both are valuable and have a time and place. Unfortunately, on the internet we can't filter those out!

This is one of my favorite threads this week, so thank you.
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Old 09-03-2018, 07:58 AM
  # 45 (permalink)  
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Los Angeles, CA
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Glad you are staying. I'm sorry you're hurting.
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Old 09-03-2018, 08:36 AM
  # 46 (permalink)  
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Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 115,177
Really good to see you, John!
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Old 09-05-2018, 07:24 PM
  # 47 (permalink)  
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Donít go, John! Recovery is a life long journey. The path is unique and different for everyone. No one here is a failure. Whether we have relapsed once, twice, a million times or never, we are all in this together supporting each other through difficult times. We are all learning through every mistake. We are all survivors. I hope you will stay!
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