allishope73

Hello kind people with sadness i have to announce i slipt again one day. Yesterday i was determined i made appointment to welfare came home felt very stressed but i made it and was getting ready to lawyer. I put on training clothes as planned straight away go to gym . Lawyer was late i missed the class. But why i slipt he said he did not know what to do .. and looked at letters and property and said i ll be homeless husband not cooperating. My anxiety went up to roof ... i remember moving to our house it was happiest time but transition was so stressfull it took me one year to adapt to new environment. Now i am facing homelessness .. even if i move to Paris Hilton hotel it is stress for me . I am attached to places i cannot cope with changes so rapidly . And telling this i have no idea if i get a council flat and no idea how to apply. I know that in uk homeless people are those intentionally homeless nobody can make homeless a person who is not intenntionally homeless. But it is another huge loss and transition i struggle with as i worked over years before burn out and have furniture marrocan lamps lots of staff . How i move it alone without car without money. I bought 8 beers and crying. I stop tonight and what ... how many times one can stop ...i am starting to hate my husband that he put me into situation knowing i am in recovery from couple of things. To add divorce he made in our national country and stated i am there permamently ? While since 2006 til now my work uni home all is in Scotland . I had to print my payslips , letters from doctors , diplomas , bills to delay the case . He knows i cannot afford to buy ticket living on 73 pounds a week . So in my dispair i bought ten pounds beer ... just to calm . And i am gutted as i was doing so well. Fear for me fear is a trigger. It puts my body into freeze not even fight or fly just total paralisis and constant panick attacks not one hour ..couple of hours. Maybe that doctor was right saying if would be stress o would be ill as its my genetics . I do not want to accept that . I want to recover. Stopping again awful .xD

lessgravity

I'm so sorry for your circumstances and I feel for your pain but you have to take a look at the objective way in which you are using money to buy alcohol and yet telling us about not being able to afford where you live etc.

It's just so clear. Hope you find the strength to right your ship.

gypsytears

I'm sorry you're going through difficult times. It does sound very stressful but drinking isn't helping change your situation or helping make sound decisions right now. Do you have a plan for recovery?

allishope73

i spent ten pounds not a daily drinker but in despair ten pounds would not improve or worse my situation .. its a bit harsh ... i punish myself enough no need more punishent

gypsytears

Have you seen this thread of Dee's? Someone just posted it on another thread and I thought it might help you here.

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ery-plans.html (Psst...wanna know why I'm always recommending recovery plans?)

allishope73

Yes ..i ve been doing it ...i involved anything ... is it true that if you are sensitive to stress you ll be ill i mean with or without drinking as i remember i was not drinking alcohol but when stressed i freezed for half a year

Dee74

hi allishope

all we can do here is recommend what we know is good advice...I would never spend that much daily on drinking either - $20 here and there but when you're on a low or fixed income it adds up.

If stress is getting to you there are ways to actively combat stress - I find exercise helps, or watching a favourite programme or movie, it making a lost of everything you have to do and crossing off an item or two a day.

Drinking won't ever help - we just push the problems aside.,..but they soon come back.

I'm glad you've been reading the plan links, thats a good start - the really important part is the next part tho - putting the plan ideas into action

D

allishope73

I know Dee. I stopped not continuing . Its awful only that i can say.. praying it was last slip. X D

Dee74

Praying is great but you can *make* it your last slip - why not try posting here before you drink allishope?

D

allishope73

Dee you seem to be a very wise person and i do follow your advice as i instinctively trust you. I am making it. I ll join September group tom . I am now making plan before 14 September when i meet my husband at court first time since a year. I am making relapse prevention plan now when sober. Another lesson ...i may think in early recovery its good to plan the day ahead and stick. Like a robot do this and that and rest ... small steps. Chaos i noticed is a trigger halts hungry angry lonely tired .... somebody posted at early recovery one needs to be selfish. I felt guilty i was not helping others enough as i m natural carer. I might think first to care for myself before swim in deep water saving others . Action x D

Dee74

sounds like a great start allishope

D