ulfr

am quiting AA had enough my sponsor dont give a dam about me it was evident from her post back to me on my facebook when i said i was feeling down she can **** off for all i care i the fact she trans i thought she'd be understanding because i am trans too i have friends who give a dam about me i dont need people like her and i dont need AA

nez

Why give that much power to one person? Why allow one person to sour you on the multitudes of other AA members and an entire fellowship?

Anna

Wolfschild, it would be good to remember that she is just one person and does not represent all of AA. I think you have found AA helpful in the past, so perhaps you could consider going to meetings but avoiding your old sponsor?

August252015

Anna has a really good thought there....and I ask gently, are you drinking? I definitely could have made unclear decisions at best if I had started drinking again or kept on when I tried to start AA.

Berrybean

Why would you be posting on each others facebook? Sounds like skewed boundaries to me.

A sponsor is someone who guides us through our step work, not our new best mate. If you reconsider please do read the AA leaflet about sponsorship and what to expect, and have a calm and open conversation with your sponsor about boundaries and expectations.

I'm using the word expectations a lot here. In early recovery we tend to have unrealistic ones. One of the reasons we get better is that we learn to adjust them.

Many folkhave found that it's best to stay away from Facebook and social media in early recovery.

If you're not using AA any more it's probably worth thinking about a new plan...
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...y-plans-1.html (Psst...wanna know why I'm always recommending recovery plans?)

Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery.
BB

gypsytears

If AA isn't working for you there are other ways to get sober. Check out that link BB posted for some.

ulfr

Am not drinking .... feel like it......but am not going to ...she said something harsh that was uncalled for to do with grief my husband said it was uncalled for i texted her she not got back to me or said anything about it too me
AA is hard for me i dont like talking in front of a lot of people am a very nervous most of the time ...unsure what am doing ....

August252015

AA isn't for everyone, truth- but jumping tò no plan is far riskier, IME.....we all need support, especially when we are in crisis. What other options have you considered for right now?

brandilynncd

i am trans too and have a drinking problem.

Gottalife

Alcoholism is an equal opportunities destroyer. It doesn't care what else is going on in anyone's life, it'll kill them just the same. What it really likes is for people to seperate themselves from positive groups and even better, to bring the mantle of victimhood into play when ever anything gets remotely uncomfortable. "You don't understand, my case is different" is the catchcry of every victim heading for relapse. Victims don't recover.

AA is good for alcoholism but not much else. There are a wealth of therapists and other professionals to help with other problems. Use both but don't muddle the two, and don't blame one for the other, they are not related.

This is why AAs thrird tradition is so explicit that our membership ought to include all who suffer from alcoholism. That is the common problem to which we have a common solution.

The gender of a sponsor is irrelavent. I am straight, my sponsor was gay. I chose him because of his ability to transmit the life saving message of AA in a way I could understand. That was the primary thing. It would have been suicide to choose a straight sponsor because I was straight, based in some crazy idea that I ought to only hear the message from a straight person. My sponsor did a great job with me. He saved my life, he got me to a point where I could have my own relationship with God, and he put me in a position where I could survive life's low spots after he had left this world. And he set a tremendous example of what AA recovery is all about.

I don't know the first thing about your sponsor. Maybe they are a good person and the problem is with you. And maybe it isn't. Perhaps you could think about why you chose this particular sponsor. Was it because They had had a spiritual experience through working all 12 steps of AA and had recovered from aloholism, were now living principled life and could teach you how to do the same, or was it some other reason.

MindfulMan

AA wasn't a good fit for me after early sobriety. So I turned to other resources.

Just leaving AA, which can be a perfectly legitimate choice, isn't a good idea. Sobriety happens when a plan is in place and followed.

Check out the secular recovery forums.

Dee74

I'm sorry whatever this woman said hurt you Wolfschild.

I agree with everyone else tho - its a tightrope walk to leave AA without something else to go to.

D

Berrybean

I know what you mean about talking in front of lots of people. Maybe you could try smaller meetings to go to and see if you feel more comfortable sharing in those, or just talk to others one to one in the break and while you help set up and clear up (now, that IS a great way to get to know people better isn't it?) Thing is, we don't have to share with the whole room. Not everyone shares. We learn more through listening anyway.

Does it seem in character to you that she would post something hurtful on Facebook at you? If yes, perhaps it's worth reconsidering what kind of person you want as your sponsor. After all, she's not your TG sponsor, she's your 12-step recovery sponsor for drinking.

If it doesn't seem in character for her, perhaps reread it and see if there's a chance that you could have taken her comment in a way that wasn't intended. Social media can be a disaster area as far as misunderstandings are concerned.

Regarding her not texting you back yet, if you texted her in a similar vein to your OP for this thread then chances are that she won't contact you. She'll just take you at your word and back off. If one of my sponsees texted to say they wanted nothing more to do with me or the program I would back off and leave them to it, and just hope they change their mind and do still continue with AA and that their next choice of sponsor would be a better fit. Or perhaps she just hasn't had a chance to think and respond yet. I've learned in sobriety that often I'm better off sleeping on something rather than responding impulsively when emotions are running high.

How are YOU feeling today anyway?

BB