Lots to learn

Old 08-29-2018, 02:36 PM
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Lots to learn

Day 4 here. I was rude to my husband last night and I feel bad. I don't want to harp on it to him (he doesn't want me to), so I'll share here. A couple colleagues of mine were going out last minute to happy hour near our office. One is super pregnant and the other isn't a big drinker, so I asked my husband if we could stop by. I don't have a problem with weeknight temptations as I rarely ever drink during the week and have always been content going to happy hours simply for food. Even so, I knew that it was a little early for me to put myself in that situation, safe as I might have felt. There were work-related networking reasons I wanted to join these particular people and it's rare that the opportunity comes up.

He came, begrudgingly, but he was clearly annoyed about it and rightfully so. He's also trying not to drink (though I don't how much is to be in solidarity with me or because he truly doesn't want to drink any more) and perhaps I underestimated that HE doesn't have the same apathy toward weeknight drinking that I do and it might have been more difficult for him to sit there with his seltzer. We had no drinks and I tried to make it up to him by agreeing to go for a run when we got home despite the awful heat we're currently experiencing (I'm a cold weather runner!). The run settled him more, but I still feel bad. It was wrong of me to put that on him and the work stuff was ultimately not that important to do that.

Part of my drinking problem, which is a greater life problem, is FOMO, or Fear of Missing Out. I guess I used to be a really lonely kid and as an adult I've always kind of feared being left out, so I have a hard time saying no to events, especially if I think people will have bonding opportunities during them. Drinking has felt like it's encouraged bonding in the past, even though I know much of that is not real. I'm going to have to become more ok with passing up invites to things, not just for my sobriety, but for my sanity, as sometimes I overbook myself and it's stressful.

Anyway, sorry for the rambling. I feel bad, but I'm trying to learn from it. No drink cravings and I'm trying to remind myself that my "cravings" come later, when I feel ok, and I need to find a way to feel ok AND remember the reasons I want to stay sober. Not upsetting my husband who I love is one of them!
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Old 08-29-2018, 02:44 PM
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It did take me a while but I eventually figured out I wasn’t actually missing out on anything.
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Old 08-29-2018, 11:40 PM
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Writing helps- yes writing helps me. I often find that just by the process of putting words down- my thoughts and thus feelings and so- behavior changes to a more positive slant. I choose what to do instead of just react.
Great post.
Support to you.
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Old 08-30-2018, 12:00 AM
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I've found much more bonding over recovery (here and at AA meetings) than I ever had while drinking. Why? Because I drank so that I didn't have to be boring, quiet, shy, sensitive me. I could become someone else. Lots of other people in the bar were probably doing the same. Is wasn't the real me or them that was bonding, just our projected personas. Mneugh. Hapoy to give that big play act a miss nowadays. Actually, nowadays I prefer that quiet, shy, sensitive me. I don't find her boring now I've given her a chance to flourish.

Besides, further into your recovery you'll be safer in those situations (if you really still want to go, which is unlikely). If there are people you want to bond with, why not suggest going for coffee and cake some time? Cake makes for good bonding.

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Old 08-30-2018, 04:06 AM
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Echo what BB said....I realized over time that I have the clarity to choose what, where and with whom I give my time...and sober me makes way better choices in every part of life.

Early days were especially fitted to focus on my recovery not my social life.

Keep going, writing and learning!
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