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Old 08-29-2018, 12:42 AM
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Iím coming off a 3-day bender. Total blackout. I have no idea what Iíve been doing since Monday morning... Please help. I just want to know that itís possible to stop this madness... I canít take it anymore. I really think itís better to die than to Ďliveí like this. Iím so sick now, I canít stop shaking.

I know whatever Iíve been doing so far for my recovery is not working. Iím in hell... I need to know thereís hope.
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Old 08-29-2018, 12:57 AM
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Old 08-29-2018, 12:58 AM
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Hello Snuf

What caused you to do this to yourself?

It's not better to die by the way because it IS possible to get sober.
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Old 08-29-2018, 12:59 AM
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There's always hope, have a big hug from me x
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Old 08-29-2018, 01:10 AM
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Hi Snufkin! There's definitely hope and a way out of the hell and madness you're in now.
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Old 08-29-2018, 01:12 AM
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I had a look in your 'Snufkin thread' to see what has been going on.

Snuf - you are early recovery - very early again now. You must not go to pubs, especially with Mark. You two, you said, are beyond broken and the fact you are still living together seems triggering, especially as you argue so much. That's just not a healthy way to live. I know you are looking to move to Glasgow.

Drink lots of water today.

It is possible to get sober but I think the further down you go, the harder it is on the journey back up. Please love yourself enough to help yourself. You have so many supporters and friends at SR.
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Old 08-29-2018, 01:19 AM
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Thank you, thank you, thank you All...

You’re right Dec, it’s a toxic relationship and we’ve become so hateful towards each other and I don’t know how to cope.

I’m sorry I can’t say much, I think I’m gonna pass out.
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Old 08-29-2018, 01:21 AM
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Can you stay with that friend for a while before your trip to Poland?
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Old 08-29-2018, 01:23 AM
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Hi Snuff

Read this- then read it again.

Rational Recovery from alcoholism, drug addiction, non AA, crank, meth
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Old 08-29-2018, 01:24 AM
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I could stay with a friend, yes... I’m leaving next Tuesday, not so long now.

Lunar - thank you
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Old 08-29-2018, 01:31 AM
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I think it could be good to stay with that friend to get out of the triggering toxic environment.

I hope you feel better later today, Snuf.
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Old 08-29-2018, 01:40 AM
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Hello Snufkin,

Sorry that you're feeling this way, change really is possible though.

I've found AVRT to be very beneficial alongside posting on here. 



99 days ago I was on the verge of suicide, ready to throw the towel in and had a real killer hangover after a 4 day bender. I was in a personal hell but today I sit here feeling so much better and I’m looking forward to a future without alcohol. The Big Plan of Rational Recovery, which is a pledge of permanent abstinence, has made a huge and surprising difference to my life.

I received a copy of the Rational Recovery book where the back cover was a bit damaged. I expect new books to be mint so they are sending me another and told me to keep the damaged one. I have no use for 2 copies so would you like it? If so I'd be happy to post it today, free of charge.

Let me know and as someone has already said, drink plenty of water.

So, there is hope and I hope that you’re feeling better soon.

Take care,

John
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Old 08-29-2018, 01:45 AM
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Hi Snufs. Aw I feel for you so much. I really think that you need more help than you are getting right now. I know that counselling and group stuff has really started to help me but it's by no means consistent.
Staying with a friend sounds good - does he/she know that you shouldn't drink? Also, when you go home, are there people you can talk to there?

I had a similar type bender not that long ago. Blackout, bruises, panic, the works. Baths helped, phoning AA helped and breathing exercises helped too but it was still really hard. Try and take your mind off how bad you feel, comedies, SR, company. I'm around today. Please get in touch if you want too. I here for you. Rach
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Old 08-29-2018, 02:22 AM
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Originally Posted by Snufkin View Post
I know whatever Iíve been doing so far for my recovery is not working. Iím in hell... I need to know thereís hope.
Sorry Snuf.

Can you just remind me / us, what was your recovery plan? And try to think about it in the last week of so.... we're you doing what was on the pkan, or did some of it slip? I know that I've bit busy, or complacent, or just not appreciated what a difference some of the little things on my recovery plan made, and let things slip. For me it wasn't so much that my recovery plan didn't work, more that I'd gradually stopped working on the things I'd started off with. Only you can say if that's the case for you, but maybe decide if that's a possibility before chucking the baby out with the bath water.

BB
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Old 08-29-2018, 02:26 AM
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Sending you prayers of hope and help.♡
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Old 08-29-2018, 02:29 AM
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Yes, there is hope.

Maybe you ought to consider a treatment facility / rehab.....

Maybe you ought to consider skipping Poland and all its Vodka, and going to AA three times a day for three months and getting a counselor.....

Maybe you need to do whatever it takes to get free....

But.... you CAN.
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Old 08-29-2018, 02:36 AM
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Meetings, posting here, meds for my depression and anxiety, regular contact with my GP, I’m on the waiting list to see a psychiatrist...

My problem is, I’m very emotional and easily triggered and I’m not coping well with all the challenges in my life at the moment. I don’t ask for help when I need it... I convince myself that nobody cares, I’m suicidal and then I drink, even if I’m well aware that it’s gonna make everything worse.
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Old 08-29-2018, 02:42 AM
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Originally Posted by FreeOwl View Post
Yes, there is hope.

Maybe you ought to consider a treatment facility / rehab.....

Maybe you ought to consider skipping Poland and all its Vodka, and going to AA three times a day for three months and getting a counselor.....

Maybe you need to do whatever it takes to get free....

But.... you CAN.
Thank you Owl. Iím visiting family in Poland. Itís hard to explain, but itís been the crappiest year of my life and Iím so alone. I really need to spend some time with people Iím close to.
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Old 08-29-2018, 02:51 AM
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You know that meetings are just one leg on the stool right? They're useful, but they aren't the program of recovery. Working the steps with a sponsor is the program of recovery. When we read 'How it works' it tells us quite clearly how AA works. (Took me months of unnecessary extended pain before I really HEARD How it Works properly). How about getting back tgere today and having a think about who might be a potential sponsor and giving the step work a go?

BB

'Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program , usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average.
There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.'

BB page 58
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Old 08-29-2018, 03:05 AM
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Originally Posted by Snufkin View Post
My problem is, Iím very emotional and easily triggered and Iím not coping well with all the challenges in my life at the moment. I donít ask for help when I need it... I convince myself that nobody cares, Iím suicidal and then I drink, even if Iím well aware that itís gonna make everything worse.
sorry you're have a tough time Snufs. people do care. there is hope. do whatever you need to to keep safe. is there's someone who you can be with til you're feeling a bit better? stay close & post when you can
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