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Old 08-29-2018, 03:10 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Dear Snufkin,

It is so difficult to pull out of a hole of anxiety,feeling alone,depressed and hopeless. I was in that hole just over 5 weeks ago and not for the first time either.

It can be done, it's not easy. But I was sick and tired of feeling that way permanently. I go to meetings (not easy with anxiety), I have a sponsor, I stick around here and I am kind to myself by eating properly and drinking lots of lovely water. I use anything I can to stay away from alcohol. This all sounds a bit blah and trite Snufkin but it's working so far and I shall add to my armoury as I go along.

Sending much Love dear Snufs and praying that you can get out off your personal hell and back to recovery. Baby steps and maybe rehab would help, just a thought.

SP
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Old 08-29-2018, 03:10 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Thank you Andy... I can barely walk, but I have to go to the ER now to get my cuts stitched (third time this month, great...). Hopefully I feel better soon and I can start thinking of what to do with myself...
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Old 08-29-2018, 03:35 AM
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((((Snuf))))

I agree with Berrybean. Work the steps with a sponsor.
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Old 08-29-2018, 03:44 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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We're here for you Snuff.
Start by loving yourself.
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Old 08-29-2018, 03:50 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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Hi snufkin, things can definately get better. Sending hugs and my support
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Old 08-29-2018, 04:33 AM
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((((Snuf)))

I hope that you look into AVRT and Rational Recovery.

Also, the Salvation Army offers free rehab.

Sending love.
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Old 08-29-2018, 04:52 AM
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Sending you support and hope Snuff.

For me one key things was detachment / removal from toxic people ASAP.

I would get out of your living situation early, even if you are couch-surfing and have to leave some stuff behind.

You are a gift to the world. Please don't forget that in your pain
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Old 08-29-2018, 06:31 AM
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I’m feeling slightly better... less anxious. Got my injuries taken care of, I really hope it was my last trip to the ER... I’m such a waste of their time...

I’m trying to understand what happened and I think all the uncertainty drove me a little crazy, living and constantly fighting with my ex-partner (it’s not easy to hear that I’m ‘******* useless’ from someone I used to be in love with for 9 years), not having a clue what to do next and where I’m gonna live after I’m back from Poland... I feel stuck - like I’m waiting for something to happen, when I should probably start taking action...

Anyway... I need to think, I need to organise my thoughts coz I’m still panicking... Thank you for all your help. I hope I can break this cycle for good this time.
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Old 08-29-2018, 06:43 AM
  # 29 (permalink)  
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Snuf, I'm sorry that you're going through this. It's good that you're feeling a bit better. Is there any way that you can get away from your ex now, rather than waiting till Tuesday? Try to stay in the moment and just do what you can do each day to stay sober.
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Old 08-29-2018, 11:59 AM
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Hey Snufkin. There is hope, I promise--but it's hard to see it from the depths of a personal hell. I needed inpatient rehab to get better--it was the best decision, although I was extremely resistant to the idea. If that is at all an option, please consider it, or at least detox to get you feeling better in order to effectively work a program of recovery. Getting away from the stressors in life and being able to concentrate only on myself was essential to me.
Wishing you a safe journey. Prayers and best thoughts that you will find peace and lasting sobriety, dear Snuf. People really do care.
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Old 08-29-2018, 12:20 PM
  # 31 (permalink)  
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I can read the pain in your words Snufkin. Hopefully your time in Poland will give you that break from the relationship with your ex as well as the stresses of day to day living. Those two changes might make life a bit easier and give you a chance to regain some control.
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Old 08-29-2018, 12:46 PM
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Originally Posted by lunar View Post
Thank you. I just made the commitment and it's all over now. I feel wonderful and for once, I have no regrets or reservations. It's time and I'm ready to live my best life. No more wasted time. Literally.

Thank you.
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Old 08-29-2018, 01:26 PM
  # 33 (permalink)  
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Snufkin- sending you light and love.
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Old 08-30-2018, 12:10 AM
  # 34 (permalink)  
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How are you feeling today Snufs? Did you manage to sleep? I've been thinking about you xxx
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Old 08-30-2018, 12:39 AM
  # 35 (permalink)  
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Oh thank you Rach... you are so kind...

I’m not doing great. I guess that’s to be expected for withdrawal part 2, but I’m feeling really bad... physically destroyed. Couldn’t sleep at all. I’m nauseous, shaking, sweating, dehydrated and my intestines are on fire. At some point I thought I’m having a heart attack. I don’t know how I managed at work yesterday. It was my last shift... what a great way of saying goodbye to my colleagues... puking in the toilet in between serving tables.

I’m haunted by awful flashbacks of what I’ve been doing in the past three days and I’m terrified and so ashamed. It helps to think that I don’t have to go through this ever again, but how many times I said that...

I’m fuelled by self-hatred today and the only thing that stops me from hurting myself is I really don’t want to go to the hospital again... too embarrassing.

Anyway... enough complaining. I have to do something before I drop dead. I’m gonna drag my sorry ass to the meeting today... try to eat something... pack some of my stuff. Baby steps...
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Old 08-30-2018, 01:00 AM
  # 36 (permalink)  
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Oh Snufs, that sounds really hard and I know that heart attack feeling all to well. Just remember that every day will get a bit better and you'll get through. A meeting sounds like a good idea. Try and rest too. I get wicked heartburn after drinking. Do you anything from the chemist? Antacids? Also, maybe think about phoning a helpline to talk. I've done it before. Mindspace or breathing space are both good. Sorry Snufs. I not trying to tell you what to do, I'm just worried about you being alone. I've got internet on and off today but will check in when I can. Remember you are part of a family here. Lots of love xx
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Old 08-30-2018, 02:28 AM
  # 37 (permalink)  
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Thank you Rach... you are so loving and kind to me. I’m gonna be fine. I just need to rest for a bit... I made myself really sick.
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Old 08-30-2018, 02:51 AM
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hang in there Snufs. I'm sorry you're feeling rough, but you don't have to feel like this ever again if you choose not to.

there's a lot of support here for you - & at meetings - you just have to reach out to it instead of listening to your AV when it starts whispering in your ear.
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Old 08-30-2018, 02:59 AM
  # 39 (permalink)  
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Morning Snufkin, been following along too and sending empathy and support to you. I didn't terrible things to myself in every way too.

I had to be completely done with that life. It took years and pain and damage to relationships and....but I truly believe that once I wanted to be sober ,ore than I wanted to drink and take what I saw as a risk on a different life, everything started to change.

Please keep talking to us. Really reallllly good suggestions above for immediate and practical stuff, and longer term recovery.
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Old 08-30-2018, 07:01 AM
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Thank you so much for your support Andy & August. I really need it. I feel so alone.

I’m in so much pain I can’t move and it’s unbelievable that I still have thoughts about crawling to the shop for more drinks. I’m so sick of it... sick of wanting to numb my feelings, sick of trying to escape myself, sick of my mood swings and sick of feeling like I’m in chains. Sometimes I really think there’s no other way but to kill myself. All this brokenness... nobody needs that. I’m sorry. I’m just really tired. I want to believe that change is possible. I hope I’m gonna feel a tiny bit better tomorrow.
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