allishope73

Hello kind people. I am still walking thtough yhe tunnel without light. Sober. I know in my heart i never drink . Its done and dusted. But today feeling really depressed. At night i still have flashbacks of normal life ... having normal human needs met as anybody deserves. I still feel sadness not even anger thinking how being idolised over 14 years could ... giving my best years as he said ... contributing to his health , wealth love and happiness ... how a human can turn a psychopath that i loved once. Now i m reading posts i did not even drink long or commited crimes. Not being perfect and in grief was enough for him. I think he was not mature to handle my grief as it was my role to deliver emotional support. He delivered practical. I feel so depressed of this life at the moment. Posting as trying to move up my mood and take small steps today like go to gym even through tears, try to cook smthg healthy maybe not the choice of my own but what managed to get from shop reduced items, trying to do some housework and prepare for tomorrow have two difficult meetings with a lawyer and welfare officer. I m so low i can see my hair falling of stress .... tears coming to eyes but you know what i m sober ... i need to believe and have faith. I know i have you. I still have me . I carry on ... it will pass ...i know from posts first two years of recovery are very hard. I am not masking staff and sfaff is still hear just bearing to deal with this just sober and with integrity. I do not let myself to be angry as we talked about acceptance. So yes sometime i loose Faith and need to seed it back in my heart. As long as i m sober one day a time my life will change for better. I recover i might even be back to work . I might meet new people . God Bless needed to post and share feelings not only on good days. Today is hard. Hope all have good sober Tuesday x D

Dee74

I know better times are ahead allishope - sometimes we just have to keep going in the right direction....

D

allishope73

Thank you Dee. I always reapeated life of a human is worth itself. Suffering and crying when sober is part of not giving up on life. Drinking is suicide and giving up . So yes its the right direction . XD

John65

Sorry to hear that.

Hang on in there. The dark clouds with disperse and the sadness will ease.

John

Numblady

Hugs to you. You are strong and doing the right thing to feel rather than hide.

gypsytears

Feeling sad and posting is much better than the alternatives. I'm glad you're here .

allishope73

Thanks folks in the park pick up some brambles .... only alternatives alcohol free xD

Hawking22

It's okay, Hope. These dark days are normal and part of the process; they have a place. You are grieving. Be patient with yourself. I sincerely applaud you for pushing yourself to move along, and a CBT techniques tend to recommend that when we're feeling blue. If you need to, however, give yourself permission to lay around and do whatever you need or want to do (minus drinking!). Because you're right, you ARE sober! And that is an amazing feat in itself. One that will make this inner turmoil so worth it. I believe in you!

Jam13

Love to you allishope
❤️❤️🙏🙏

Jam13

Very wise words! Love this.

allishope73

Thanks Hawking . Yes i used to deliver CBT technigues to others and other therapeutic approaches as my work. Irony of life. I m still using some technigues to myself therefore i am leaving home. Today i walked three hours until was calmed my mind and heart. Though CBT would not heal nasty divorce and being caught in power trip. Only lawyers hah. Also autoimmune staff i need just be patient . Doctor said if there will be stress in your life you will be ill as your genetics .... sensitivity. However , i believe spiritual techniques , meditation , proper nutrition and resting vs self care might help . I am doing what i can control what means i do not drink or take any meds to sedate. This is what i can do. I pace the day. I m starting mindfulness course soon to practice more. Healing is not overnight and healing from couple of things at once . I m very positive person otherwise i would not survive. I cry , i rest , i stand up and carry on ... always been like this ... however aa aproach taught me the word surrender which i struggled with . Surrender means acceptance ... there are limitations not in my control. I just accept and have hope one day my energy will be back . I m happy i learnt to have days like today and not to drink... actually it gives me strenght and self respect . Thank you xD

teatreeoil007

Hi there. Sorry you are having a rough day friend. We are always here for you. Hope you start to feel better. We care about you. It sounds like you've got a lot going on right now and some stress as well. Stress can sure do a number on a person. Please take care and put your health at top priority....and hopefully the people in your life will understand. Sending healing thoughts, energy, positivity.

allishope73

Thank you pal . I did well. Each day like this and coping in a healthy way brings me back to my real self. I m proud today ... i was really so low but i planned to put one leg forward another and walked for three hours looking at trees , foraging , talking to random people... simple things that cost nothing. Life alone is unbearable but i m making the best of it. Good night family. Bring us another sober day whatever happens good or bad ... it always pass. X D