Sobriety connected to a life goal?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 543
Sobriety connected to a life goal?
I always had somewhat of an issue with drinking in my adult life... but the issue intensified a few years ago. After spending many years in the Chicago area, our family ultimately made plans in 2014 to seek refuge in a Southern Climate. Then, an opportunity came up in our home state of Wisconsin so we moved back to where we grew up.
That was the worst decision of my life. my alcoholism grew roots and I was in a deep, dark state. The job I took was painful... hated it with a passion! Ultimately, I was let go from my job last year (after almost three years of the writing being on the wall which I put off since I was self-medicating).
Now, I am back in the Chicago area because a past friend offered me a job... while my wife and my twin daughters are still in Wisconsin... and my oldest daughter is attending college in Arizona.
Bottom line, I am trying to escape my childhood and the Midwest. It has been a goal for 20+ years and the clock is ticking.
I am finding that my aspirations for sobriety are connected to a relocation to a Southern Climate (preferably California). This is something I have aspired to for a very long time.
Is this unhealthy? Is it OK to connect sobriety to a life goal?
That was the worst decision of my life. my alcoholism grew roots and I was in a deep, dark state. The job I took was painful... hated it with a passion! Ultimately, I was let go from my job last year (after almost three years of the writing being on the wall which I put off since I was self-medicating).
Now, I am back in the Chicago area because a past friend offered me a job... while my wife and my twin daughters are still in Wisconsin... and my oldest daughter is attending college in Arizona.
Bottom line, I am trying to escape my childhood and the Midwest. It has been a goal for 20+ years and the clock is ticking.
I am finding that my aspirations for sobriety are connected to a relocation to a Southern Climate (preferably California). This is something I have aspired to for a very long time.
Is this unhealthy? Is it OK to connect sobriety to a life goal?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
I can get drunk in any state or country I choose. The whole "where ever you go,there you are" sorta thing is a fact though. I needed to own my 'stuff' to get past the drinking actions and thoughts. I considered selling off a couple of investments and moving to the beach a few years ago,but it wouldn't have changed anything about my drinking/habits...except getting drunk somewhere else. I still shop around for an 'extended vacation' from time to time,but I know for a fact I'd now be doing it in the correct frame of mind.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Minnesota, USA
Posts: 1,468
I moved from the Midwest to the warm west coast and my problems. Still Followed me and my alcohol use surpassed all levels previously experienced, until I got pregnant, moved back to my home state to get away from the drinking life and sperm donor, to drink 10 month's later, this time a shoetwr stint, 2 years... Then I Realized deink8ng is toxic and taking me no where but down hill and quick. So, I started to recover and I haven't looked. Back. Moral of the story is fix yourself internally and you can do, go and be whatever you want, anything is possible with recovery /sobriety!
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
I tried a few moves and they worked out fine except or one small mistake. I took me and my untreated alcoholism with me, and my problems arrived soon after.
But I would say you make a good point about goals and sobriety. I don't know if satisfaction of personal desires is a viable goal but I do know that my sobriety is rooted in a deeply held sense of purpose. If you have a purpose, then your life can have meaning.
With no purpose my life degenerated into a self seeking self serving hell, pursuing things that I thought would make me happy only to find life generally empty of any real meaining.
But I would say you make a good point about goals and sobriety. I don't know if satisfaction of personal desires is a viable goal but I do know that my sobriety is rooted in a deeply held sense of purpose. If you have a purpose, then your life can have meaning.
With no purpose my life degenerated into a self seeking self serving hell, pursuing things that I thought would make me happy only to find life generally empty of any real meaining.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
I think it could be unhealthy if you subconsciously make a move to SoCal a pre requisite for getting sober.
The truth, as I found it, was that recovery is an internal thing, not an external one.
I couldn't stay sober when I was earning lots of money and in a loving and supportive relationship. I had every reason not to drink or smoke weed - but I did.
I've had the best and the worst of times over the last 11 years - lived in good places and bad, nice houses and houses that were condemned, been housebound and then not, being in fairly good health and then in some serious health scares......sober through it all.
D
The truth, as I found it, was that recovery is an internal thing, not an external one.
I couldn't stay sober when I was earning lots of money and in a loving and supportive relationship. I had every reason not to drink or smoke weed - but I did.
I've had the best and the worst of times over the last 11 years - lived in good places and bad, nice houses and houses that were condemned, been housebound and then not, being in fairly good health and then in some serious health scares......sober through it all.
D
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Scotland
Posts: 3,837
Yeah, I'm with all these guys...
I've been a nomad most of my adult life. Running away essentially, from drinking, bad relationships but mainly from myself. I almost did it again a few months ago. It doesn't help anything. The only thing that does is facing up to your issues. Once you do that and decide to relocate, you will give yourself such and strong and stable start, without the booze undermining what you want to achieve. xx
I've been a nomad most of my adult life. Running away essentially, from drinking, bad relationships but mainly from myself. I almost did it again a few months ago. It doesn't help anything. The only thing that does is facing up to your issues. Once you do that and decide to relocate, you will give yourself such and strong and stable start, without the booze undermining what you want to achieve. xx
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
I could be an alcoholic in any climate or location. I was also able to be an alcoholic after surpassing all my expectations for career and financial security. Nothing in my external circumstances could quench my thirst.
My sobriety had to come from within.
Best of Luck on Your Journey!
My sobriety had to come from within.
Best of Luck on Your Journey!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 1,065
I hated my old home and it was a reason I wallowed and drank. At least that is what I told myself. Now I see the two were not connected. I hated my house, it no longer served our family, but I drank because I am an alcoholic and once I start, I cannot stop.
So I quit drinking and we bought a new home. The two goals, while slightly intertwined, were mutually exclusive. Certainly they aided one another, sobriety meant I was much clearer, able to make a better decision and moving let me free myself of things, people and a place.
However I live on a lake, nothing says party in a summer like boreal forest and pristine water after 6 or 7 months of touques and wool socks. Certainly there is a drinking culture with the seasonal folk and some of the year round folk. I could stay sober in my old home, I did so for 5 months and had things not worked out for us to move, continued to do so.
The goals need to be separated. Sure they can help or influence one another, but if you cannot move for 6 months or a year, do you want to continue drinking? Similarly if you move and aren't sober, you won't be sober there. You can work on two goals at once, don't make them dependant on one another.
So I quit drinking and we bought a new home. The two goals, while slightly intertwined, were mutually exclusive. Certainly they aided one another, sobriety meant I was much clearer, able to make a better decision and moving let me free myself of things, people and a place.
However I live on a lake, nothing says party in a summer like boreal forest and pristine water after 6 or 7 months of touques and wool socks. Certainly there is a drinking culture with the seasonal folk and some of the year round folk. I could stay sober in my old home, I did so for 5 months and had things not worked out for us to move, continued to do so.
The goals need to be separated. Sure they can help or influence one another, but if you cannot move for 6 months or a year, do you want to continue drinking? Similarly if you move and aren't sober, you won't be sober there. You can work on two goals at once, don't make them dependant on one another.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
I call it 'pullin a geographical'. As everyone has said, untreated addiction will follow.
Nothing wrong with a goal tho. Start now, get sober and after some time make your plans to move if that's what you're wanting.
Nothing wrong with a goal tho. Start now, get sober and after some time make your plans to move if that's what you're wanting.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Sobriety was a life goal of mine, regardless of where I lived. Like many have said, moving geographically does not necessarily solve any of the problems you have to solve. Sure, a new start can help, but you mention trying to "escape your childhood" - what exactly do you mean by that? Escape in general is not the best mechnism to deal with our problems - that's what got many of us into trouble with alcohol in the first place, we wanted to escape something that we really should have been facing in the first place.
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
Tying sobriety to other valuable life goals is something I have certainly done. Unless you are using those other goals to postpone and prorcrastinate on your sobriety, I think they go hand in hand.
From my health and fitness to my career and family, everything benefits from my being sober - so having goals in those areas just furthers and deepens my commitment to never drinking another drop for all my days.
From my health and fitness to my career and family, everything benefits from my being sober - so having goals in those areas just furthers and deepens my commitment to never drinking another drop for all my days.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,669
I am VERY careful about this. Times too numerous to count where my goal for sobriety was for that person or this plan. MY goal- is life long sobriety..and everything else flows from that.
Support to you.
Support to you.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 543
Originally Posted by ScottFromWI 
]Sure, a new start can help, but you mention trying to "escape your childhood" - what exactly do you mean by that? Escape in general is not the best mechnism to deal with our problems - that's what got many of us into trouble with alcohol in the first place, we wanted to escape something that we really should have been facing in the first place.
Also, my childhood was not good. My brother and I recently came to the realization that we were sexually abused when we were children. Our mother left our family when I was 13. The bad stories from my childhood are too long to mention.
Finally, there is the Midwest Winter. I have been previously diagnosed with Seasonal Depression.
Environment matters... especially when the environment triggers a lot of negative memories from the past.
I hope that makes sense... thanks for your input!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 543
Originally Posted by TeeJayVerm
I know you are in Wisconsin (and I grew up in Wisconsin)... but it's Wisconsin where drinking and alcoholism seems to be part of the culture and taken way too lightly. (I have lived half of my life in WI and the other half in IL and I know that drinking is taken way more casually in WI.)
Also, my childhood was not good. My brother and I recently came to the realization that we were sexually abused when we were children. Our mother left our family when I was 13. The bad stories from my childhood are too long to mention.
Finally, there is the Midwest Winter. I have been previously diagnosed with Seasonal Depression.
Environment matters... especially when the environment triggers a lot of negative memories from the past.
I hope that makes sense... thanks for your input!
Also, my childhood was not good. My brother and I recently came to the realization that we were sexually abused when we were children. Our mother left our family when I was 13. The bad stories from my childhood are too long to mention.
Finally, there is the Midwest Winter. I have been previously diagnosed with Seasonal Depression.
Environment matters... especially when the environment triggers a lot of negative memories from the past.
I hope that makes sense... thanks for your input!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 1,287
[QUOTE=TeeJayVerm;6995748
Bottom line, I am trying to escape my childhood and the Midwest. It has been a goal for 20+ years
[/QUOTE]
TJ : I personally think here lies your answer to WHY you need to drink.
You are lucky , you have named your reason. Many of us have sooo much delving and searching to do , to find out why we drink.
Have you tried talking to someone about your childhood, and working through it?
Bottom line, I am trying to escape my childhood and the Midwest. It has been a goal for 20+ years
[/QUOTE]
TJ : I personally think here lies your answer to WHY you need to drink.
You are lucky , you have named your reason. Many of us have sooo much delving and searching to do , to find out why we drink.
Have you tried talking to someone about your childhood, and working through it?
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