I don’t have to worry anymore
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Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 151
I don’t have to worry anymore
I am going to New York in about a month to visit my aunt. I am staying with her, in her very tiny studio apartment, which means I will be sleeping basically in the same room as her for 2 nights. 2 weekend nights, nonetheless. We will be sleeping, like, 10 feet apart between her bed and the couch sooooo.....no opportunities for the bottles of wine that i got used to stashing in my luggage when going out of town. That wine always got packed up with me like my toothpaste did...and I’d drink it in secret, late at night after everyone went to bed, in my own private room wherever I was staying. I did it at my dad’s, I did it at several aunts’ houses, I did it at 2 cousins’ houses, when i didn’t have power last year from one of the hurricanes. I’ve gone prepared to do it at friend’s houses, but ended up not staying over. I was always ready, and I always got away with it.
So my aunt booked this flight for me to NY to see her months ago, while i was still drinking. Yet i didn’t really think anything of it as far as drinking went. And by that, I mean of course i thought about it. But at the same time, what could i say? No, I’m not gonna come visit you cause I won’t be able to drink like a gallon of wine a night while I’m there? I knew I’d be able to snag drink or two here and there, with her, in normal settings like dinner and happy hour with her friends. But not nearly enough for me. This trip was all planned months ago, so I figured I had plenty of time to figure out a game plan. Sneaking mini bottles seemed to be my best and most feasible option, given the logistics. Yes, sadly, I was already plotting this 4 months in advance.
At the time, I had no idea I’d be where I am today. I’m no longer needing to worry about mini bottles or gallons of wine. I’m looking forward to this trip and time with my family so much....and not time plotting how to get my daily booze fix. I cant wait to enjoy my vacation without the obsession of....”did I get enough? Can i even bring all these bottles on the plane? How can I get more without her knowing? How can I down this bottle of wine that I somehow got onto the plane, while pretending to sleep in this box of an apartment I’m staying in with her?” I can actually relax instead, enjoy my family, and enjoy time away that won’t be drowned out by alcohol.....most liberating feeling and makes this so worth it!!!
So my aunt booked this flight for me to NY to see her months ago, while i was still drinking. Yet i didn’t really think anything of it as far as drinking went. And by that, I mean of course i thought about it. But at the same time, what could i say? No, I’m not gonna come visit you cause I won’t be able to drink like a gallon of wine a night while I’m there? I knew I’d be able to snag drink or two here and there, with her, in normal settings like dinner and happy hour with her friends. But not nearly enough for me. This trip was all planned months ago, so I figured I had plenty of time to figure out a game plan. Sneaking mini bottles seemed to be my best and most feasible option, given the logistics. Yes, sadly, I was already plotting this 4 months in advance.
At the time, I had no idea I’d be where I am today. I’m no longer needing to worry about mini bottles or gallons of wine. I’m looking forward to this trip and time with my family so much....and not time plotting how to get my daily booze fix. I cant wait to enjoy my vacation without the obsession of....”did I get enough? Can i even bring all these bottles on the plane? How can I get more without her knowing? How can I down this bottle of wine that I somehow got onto the plane, while pretending to sleep in this box of an apartment I’m staying in with her?” I can actually relax instead, enjoy my family, and enjoy time away that won’t be drowned out by alcohol.....most liberating feeling and makes this so worth it!!!
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Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Scotland
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Thanks Rayna, this is such an awesome post to read 
I still worry about managing holidays sober and I look forward to reaching the stage that you are at, where it just sounds like pure pleasure. Have a lovely time with your family.xx
I still worry about managing holidays sober and I look forward to reaching the stage that you are at, where it just sounds like pure pleasure. Have a lovely time with your family.xx
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
Such an important thing to remember as we move on through sobriety. Although I'd rather forget the pathetic, scary, desperate ways I would make sure to feed my demons, it's important that I don't forget how much cleaner, simpler, less anxious and worry-free life is without doing so.
Thank you for the post! A really good reminder.
Thank you for the post! A really good reminder.
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Originally Posted by Gabe1980 
Thanks Rayna, this is such an awesome post to read
I still worry about managing holidays sober and I look forward to reaching the stage that you are at, where it just sounds like pure pleasure. Have a lovely time with your family.xx
I still worry about managing holidays sober and I look forward to reaching the stage that you are at, where it just sounds like pure pleasure. Have a lovely time with your family.xx
thank you!
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Join Date: Jun 2018
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Originally Posted by lessgravity
Such an important thing to remember as we move on through sobriety. Although I'd rather forget the pathetic, scary, desperate ways I would make sure to feed my demons, it's important that I don't forget how much cleaner, simpler, less anxious and worry-free life is without doing so.
Thank you for the post! A really good reminder.
Thank you for the post! A really good reminder.
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Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 151
Originally Posted by Helianthus
That's brilliant Rayna! Your Aunt will get you instead of drunk you And it will be so much more fun (and easier) not drinking.
And it will be so much more fun (and easier) not drinking. 
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Originally Posted by MissPerfumado
Can truly identify ... I used to take a hotel room rather than stay with friends and family, so I could drink to my heart's desire.
You are doing SO well, rayna!
You are doing SO well, rayna!
Thank you!
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