Gabe1980

Well.....not anything I can't handle but feeling a bit dejected.

Went to my third AA meeting tonight and one of my clients dropped her sister off. I know A LOT about her sister because of the support I have given her family and I was not at all comfortable about my client seeing me there either.

There was then a mix up with keys and we couldn't use the room, so someone contacted our local leisure centre to book a room there and everyone was going in together. It's the kids swim club on a Sunday and I just couldn't do it. Made my excuses and left. I don't feel too conflicted about it as I just had to make a judgement call about what I am comfortable with. I think I just need to stick to the two meetings I know already and keep going with the online meetings too.

I'm just disappointed. Disappointed that it matters to me and disappointed that I don't trust the local community here. I think I just have to get creative with accessing what I need.

Another weird thing was that everyone at the meetings were over fifty and almost all male. They have all been sober for 15+ years, which is really awesome but it's hard to identify with and I think that they maybe forget, when I made my apologies and left tonight, that it's still a very sensitive choice for newbies. I love that they are so proud to be an AA group but it seems soooo historical for them.

Anyway....just some thoughts. It's been a beautiful few days, where I feels touched by some the blessing of clarity and acceptance about my relationship with alcohol. I just have to accept that in a small island community I'm not going to have access to the variety of face to face support, or the anonymity I would ideally like to have.

Thanks everyone. Rach xx

soberista

You know Rach yesterday, for the first time, i had a sudden feeling of being very proud of my sobriety. And so should you! Sod the clients and be very darn proud of your splendiferous achievements. Your sober. Well done. I like Russell Brand for his outspoken acceptance of addiction and not being ashamed or afraid to stand up and be counted. I think there is more dis ease in this world than we know about. Well done for going to the meetings and big love and hugs to you. Xx

Gabe1980

Hey! Thanks Soberista. I know, there is a big part of me that just wants to go **** it! So what? And I think it will come. I've finally made it through the door and there is a definite movement in my thinking and general acceptance of what I need. I will too be proud one day!! I'm so glad you are, and you should be. Love and hugs back to you xxx

AnvilheadII

They have all been sober for 15+ years,

but that's a good thing right? to see real live people who have gone without alcohol for over 15 YEARS? seems they might be on to something....

however not every meeting is for every person. it is recommended one finds a home group, sort of base camp for recovery. a place where everybody knows your name. where you can learn and grow with other like minded individuals.

Gabe1980

I know, it's an amazing thing to have that length of time in recovery. I think I maybe just wanted to meet some younger women like me. People earlier in recovery too.

I've slept on this post now! Realised I've always made friends with people of all ages and this can be the same. So much experience there. I think maybe I was looking for someone to really connect with but I'm hoping that will come.

There are only 4 meetings and it's the same group at each. I'll go on Thursday and see what that's like. Thanks!

decchemist

A bump in the road but it has not stopped you moving foward, Rach. You are nailing this.

Gabe1980

Thanks Dec! I'm becoming tentatively more confident I think I am just realising that recovery is a life choice, not something that I just think about. I can make the right choices for myself and feel ok about that xx