Magnolia17

Confusion and fear, but no insane ruminating about how I will be hours before I can legally buy beer here.

Something happened last night after I posted and I became calm and I knew this particular binge cycle was over.

I'm fearing because I know there is something wrong with me.

I just know I don't want to suffer anymore in this life and that if I find myself suffering I will likely go back to drinking.

I think that's why I just relapsed. I didn't see an alternative.

Does anyone know the difference between an addiction and a compulsion? Is there one?

Will spend the day trying to not be afraid

Hope1989

I have the same problem with addiction and compulsion.

Magnolia17

I just read your post Hope and we have very similar problems.

My family is no longer here though and I'm kind of socially phobic so my interactions with the world are limited.

You said you needed a miracle and I don't know what happened after I posted last night but a total sense of calm came over me.

Thing is I don't want to take it for granted, because I know I could go back anytime I'm triggered.

The people here can help.

allishope73

Hi ... i m the same ...today i had silly thoughts go get beer ... but drank water it helped . Quickly i fought craving as it would not help me with life situation. So i m here posting . Drinking is a suicide ... nt even fast suicide but slow. I m here for you. X D

John65

Hi,

I'm glad that you're feeling a bit calmer now

And then in turn the drinking creates more suffering, it's a vicious circle!

Life really is much easier to deal with sober.

Good luck to you Magnolia.

John

entropy1964

Good job Magnolia. I am a very solitary person as well, but I chose that solitude. I know I can go to a meeting, a meet up group, a hiking group etc anytime I choose. I moved to get away from my family, which I somewhat regret now. But overall it was a good move for me.

Maybe when you are ready you open up about what happened with your family. It is somewhat unusual to read posts where someone is abandoned by their whole family when they didn't actually want some level of that separation. Just know you could probably share here and find folks that relate.

This may not sound that comforting, but it was a really important realization for me. I can be miserable and not drink. I know, crazy talk. But its true. I can 'get through' anything without a drink. I just have to choose to. It you think about this, its pretty important. It isn't easy quitting. And if I have an expectation that everything is going to be sunshine and sparkles early on, no doubt I'll go back to drinking. Its hard. And sometimes quitting requires getting through bad feelings, coming out the other side sober. You can do it. You really can. I have been right where you are.

Anna

Magnolia, you can do this and you can find peace in your life. I felt much the same as you do when I was drinking and felt there was no hope at all. But, there is and you will see here that many of us find peace.