soberFitness

I am 25 and I started my recovery about a year ago

Most of my painful memories from drinking are from ages 17-24

They are still bright in my memory now
I even have a list of things that motivate me

How do those of you, especially those who started recovery when young or a long time ago, remember the events that drove you to quit? Obviously memory fades

I am working the steps but I don’t see how the steps and meetings will have the same effect on 10, 20 years

I’m just afraid I’ll “forget” the pain

Thanks
SF

ScottFromWI

For me it was all about not needing to remember all the bad stuff as much as knowing that the "good stuff" about being sober was an even better motivator. Having said that, I do spend time here on SR daily and one of the things that is certainly helpful is the stories from others - which does remind me why I'm here.

soberFitness

Thanks Scott

I was thinking similarly

Like maybe hearing a story about failed attempts for others to moderate will remind me how I had the same problem

Or someone’s story in a meeting about a relationship ruined by alcohol will remind me of my ruined relationships

I hope the same applies decades from now

Right now I’m obsessively making lists so I don’t forget the pain but it doesn’t feel healthy

kevlarsjal2

Hi SF! I was 26 when I got sober but I'm just approaching 2 years this autumn so I am asking myself the same question... I am very grateful I journalled a lot throughout my early-ish recovery which will always give me the chance to get a realistic view on how hard it was to stop drinking.

But I too ask myself how I will see things in 10 or 20 years from now and I worry that one day I will feel so far away from alcoholism, withdrawals, cravings and all of that, that I will start thinking I might not really have a problem and can have the occasional glass of wine or cocktail.

In the end it's pointless to worry about this because who knows what I will be thinking or doing in the future. There's nothing I can do now to prevent myself from relapsing in the future. All I can ever do is to not drink today.

August252015

I keep looking for the people who have want I want NOW, not who had what I had or worse THEN.

I have a beautiful life and ever drinking again would destroy it and kill me. The one searing memory I do keep in my minds eye was how deathly ill I was when I finally quit- and that even in my terrified, nearly dead state I chose to live.

I am best off thinking about what I need to do today, and keep busy with living steps 1,10,11 and 12. I do all that so that I have the best chances of turning my 2.5 years in recovery into many more.

doggonecarl

I love being sober. That helps. But I made a commitment to not drink. Ever. I may forget the "things" that prompted my decision to quit, but as long as I don't forget my commitment to recovery, I'm good.

Fearlessat50

Everyone is different but for me to stay sober, it is important for me to remember the terrible problems I created in my past drinking life and the incidents that led to finally quitting. I kept a journal and I do occasionally go back and review it. Because you are right - those memories will fade. I don’t want to forget how bad off I was and that I could have died. Of course I do reflect on why i love being sober too and I feel I have a second chance at life. I am approaching the two year mark. But it doesn’t matter how many years sober I wind up with, my sobriety is an ongoing journey for me for the rest of my life. I will keep coming here and seek out other support when I need it. I need to be around people who don’t drink or at least not excessively. Congrats on your sober journey!

Ghostlight1

Well, I've been sober nine and a half years, and it's not easy to forget twenty-five years of alcoholic drinking. Not for me, anyway.
I was , obviously, drunk for a very long time. It is ingrained in me and I know if I take a drink, I'll be right back where I was before I quit.

I, too, come here and read posts. It really helps me. And I can only pray that I've helped someone else.
For me, it's easy to remember the grief, fear, anxiety and self-loathing I lived for so long. And I pray I never go back to that life.

SnazzyDresser

I remember the misery of my drinking career by logging into SR every morning, updating my day count , then reading threads where positive happy sober people who've also quit are reminding me what this is all about, how vital it is to stay on this right track, literally life or death.

Dee74

reading and posting here everyday helps me remember.

D

Leana

I just celebrated 10 years sober. My mind is ingrained with that gawd awful feeling I got upon waking up after a night of drinking feeling like crap and panicking to figure out what i did and what I said said and to whom. I will literally never forget the feeling of going over and over in my mind what excuse I was going to have to make to (pick any name) about what I happen to say or do when I was drunk. I hated that feeling. Dreaded it that feeling. Was embarrassed by it. And never, ever what to repeat it. I will not allow myself to forget because as soon as I do I risk drinking again. Find your reason- I'm sure you've got one and vow never to put in the recesses of your mind.

least

I love my sober life and never want to drink again. The thought is abhorrent to me. I am happy sober and want to stay that way. Coming here helps me if I can help someone.

MantaLady

I have made a little box of memories where I took time to write out many many embarrassing events in my drinking career. The notes are in full aweful detail about what happened, how I felt after, how it impacted others etc. I did this with as many as I could recall, some I am so ashamed of I haven’t yet told a soul! It has photos of me drunk, and of broken things and ruined carpets in my house too.

Whenever In the future I forget how bad it was or ever get that addict voice come knocking at my door saying maybe I could moderate now I can get this little shoebox and read through it all and I am sure it will get me back on track. Like you I don’t want to be going over all this negativity in my head for years to come so I find this is working for me so far. Best of luck xx

MythOfSisyphus

You're very astute, sF. In the beginning the burning sting of shame was motivation but shame fades with time and the Beast will rationalize all the things you did as being "a long time ago" and not relevant to the present. So just relying on fear and shame isn't enough, long term. For me it's been dwelling on the positives of sobriety along with just changing my habits. I suppose I can't say how this will work forever but so far I'm creeping up on six years sober so I can it's working so far.

fini

the step process is about getting to being recovered.
for me, being recoverd includes life without those obsessive thoughts about drinking/ not drinking, relying on memories or reminders of how bad it was, or being sober fearfully.
not saying i don't bring my own awful memories to mind....sometimes i do. but not in order not to drink; more in the way of wow! that was me, drinking, doing those things, living that life, reacting and behaving those ways, planning around drinking/ not drinking.
so the "effect" of the steps is a kind of foundational change for me...different orientation to life, so to speak.

tnman1967

Easy for me: DUI's twice, arrested, mugged twice, on and on. I didn't live before my sober date. I just existed as a miserable human being.

Zebra1275

How do you remember why you quit

Go to AA meetings and listen to other people.

axeman5971

Connect with others in early recovery, and reinforce the good! I breathe in deeply every morning when i first go outside and think to myself “this is awesome not hung over!” 1 year and change sober.

Gottalife

Gidday mate! your post was made for me. I got sober when I was 22, and have been continuously sober ever since. I am 61 now.
I did it the same way you have and it takes a long time to learn and understand what those steps are all about, and all the deeper wisdom in the book. I am still learning.

All I remeber about the early days is that I just wanted the misery to stop and I was willing to do anything to make that happen. I took the steps, firts time through in about three months, recovered and never looked back.

What the book tells me is that memory does not work to keep us sober, so stop worrying. It also promises on page 84/85 tenth step promioses, that the problem will be removed and you will be placed in a position of neutrality, safe and protected.

There was an old timer here who said "recovering = thinking about not drinking, recovered = not thinking about drinking.

That is it, When I have been in all three sides of the AA triangle, recovery- steps, unity - meetings, and service - working with the newcomer, it just never occurs to me to drink. I have been through many of th low spots that come to all of us, and not once have I even thought of a drink. Instead I react sanely and normally and deal with life.

The steps work like this. Steps one to nine, dealing with the past. Steps 10 and 11 are the AA 24 hour plan, and step 12 is the reward step.

Fear based sobriety does not last. That is to say meetings based, sponsor dependent sobriety has no guts to it. It becomes all about discipline and memory and sooner or later both will fail.

Sobriety based in our primary purpose can be permanent. Working with others is key, it is a whole reward system of its own. It's not discipline, it is as Dr Bob said, an absolute pleasure. Something I do because I want to, and I want to because I had a profound change in outlook through working the steps.

I rmeber my story to the extent that I might be able to use it to help another alcoholic identify. That is its real value. To help them relate. But as a tool for keeping me sober long term, it is completely useless. I have been in situations where the consequences of my drinking have been serious and fresh, and they failed to hold me in check for even a few minutes.

My advice would be to get the work done and finished, Youve had plenty of time. Then find yourself a newcomer and show them how to recover. That is the recipe for success. It's all in the book.

soberFitness

Thank you everyone

I think my overall takeaway from this is that I just need to continue doing the work and have faith
Also realizing the way I stay sober the first year will change and evolve versus how I stay sober in the future
Just like all things change

I’m also feeling better to know that I am far from alone with this fear