Active
OX
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Upper Left USA
Posts: 630
Active
Bit embarrassed of my join date in relation to my sobriety days but such is life. I tend to get some easy days under my belt and decide to drink either out of boredom or to ease tensions with my wife. She loves to drink and I finally realized that she likes getting blotto as much or more than I do.
Every adult relationship I have had has been with a heavy drinker because those were the circles that I found myself in. We have recently moved to a new town bought a house and have been looking for work. I got a job and she hasn’t really been looking too fiercely yet. Getting off work The last two days sparked the old feeling of wanting to drink again. I entertained those thoughts for far too long and almost caved. I realized I was tired and hungry and a nap and some food did the trick. The mrs who had about 18 days of sobriety wasn’t doing as well and wanted some wine. She refuses to think lifelong sobriety is necessary as she really just wants to lose weight she gained from drinking on the couch nightly for years. So I drove her to the store and she stocked up with 4 or 5 bottles. Some in preparation for a weekend camping trip with some friends. She drank a whole bottle last night and sipped on some rum and smoked some weed as well.
Not drinking I always forget how moods slowly change. I asked her if she was buzzed and she told me no that it wasn’t the buzz she was after but just the taste. Then she started explaining life to me and ended up in tears. So I think she was buzzed. Justified my position to drink seltzer for sure. These intense conversations usually start with me proclaiming my sleepiness and intent on going to bed.
I have been struggling lately with the desire for weed. My job is safety related and comes with drug testing so I really can’t smoke so that makes me want it. Plus the recent perception shift on the drug with so many people proclaiming the benefits of mj makes it interesting. But I have quit it so many times in the past due to problems of addiction and extreme laziness. Plus so many times I have smoked only to instantly regret it as it feels like I am losing my mind. No matter how casually it is talked about it is a powerful mind altering substance.
What helped me these last few days has been to come here to SR and read my fellow members’ struggles and successes. Also to play the tape forward. My tape has been edited down to my thoughts a few weeks ago waking up in hell “it ain’t worth it.” Sung by Lauren Hill off the fugues record from my college days. I don’t know what the song is about but those lyrics were on repeat in my head before I was even awake or cognizant. It ain’t worth it.
Thanks SR once again. I continue my journey to ever lasting sobriety. I feel the journey will get easier as I heal and finally return to the land of the living. My energy has been inconsistent with some days feeling victorious for doing minimal chores and staying sober. My moods have been all over the map as well as I feel like I am not really in control of much with my life always in some transition. With a new home I am a bit overwhelmed with the amount of things I need to do and I am always yearning for a creative life. I feel I was a super creative artist that was overshadowed by drink and drugs. But I was way weird before I discovered the easy way and I yearn for a return.
I don’t post much but I am here reading so thanks for putting your thoughts out here.
Every adult relationship I have had has been with a heavy drinker because those were the circles that I found myself in. We have recently moved to a new town bought a house and have been looking for work. I got a job and she hasn’t really been looking too fiercely yet. Getting off work The last two days sparked the old feeling of wanting to drink again. I entertained those thoughts for far too long and almost caved. I realized I was tired and hungry and a nap and some food did the trick. The mrs who had about 18 days of sobriety wasn’t doing as well and wanted some wine. She refuses to think lifelong sobriety is necessary as she really just wants to lose weight she gained from drinking on the couch nightly for years. So I drove her to the store and she stocked up with 4 or 5 bottles. Some in preparation for a weekend camping trip with some friends. She drank a whole bottle last night and sipped on some rum and smoked some weed as well.
Not drinking I always forget how moods slowly change. I asked her if she was buzzed and she told me no that it wasn’t the buzz she was after but just the taste. Then she started explaining life to me and ended up in tears. So I think she was buzzed. Justified my position to drink seltzer for sure. These intense conversations usually start with me proclaiming my sleepiness and intent on going to bed.
I have been struggling lately with the desire for weed. My job is safety related and comes with drug testing so I really can’t smoke so that makes me want it. Plus the recent perception shift on the drug with so many people proclaiming the benefits of mj makes it interesting. But I have quit it so many times in the past due to problems of addiction and extreme laziness. Plus so many times I have smoked only to instantly regret it as it feels like I am losing my mind. No matter how casually it is talked about it is a powerful mind altering substance.
What helped me these last few days has been to come here to SR and read my fellow members’ struggles and successes. Also to play the tape forward. My tape has been edited down to my thoughts a few weeks ago waking up in hell “it ain’t worth it.” Sung by Lauren Hill off the fugues record from my college days. I don’t know what the song is about but those lyrics were on repeat in my head before I was even awake or cognizant. It ain’t worth it.
Thanks SR once again. I continue my journey to ever lasting sobriety. I feel the journey will get easier as I heal and finally return to the land of the living. My energy has been inconsistent with some days feeling victorious for doing minimal chores and staying sober. My moods have been all over the map as well as I feel like I am not really in control of much with my life always in some transition. With a new home I am a bit overwhelmed with the amount of things I need to do and I am always yearning for a creative life. I feel I was a super creative artist that was overshadowed by drink and drugs. But I was way weird before I discovered the easy way and I yearn for a return.
I don’t post much but I am here reading so thanks for putting your thoughts out here.
Last edited by BigShoe; 08-24-2018 at 08:53 AM. Reason: Sp
not a greeter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: padmasana
Posts: 13,927
Glad you're here and posting. I've been a member for just a short 
time myself. Posting & even just reading here helps especially with an actively drinking partner. Stick around and stay strong.
time myself. Posting & even just reading here helps especially with an actively drinking partner. Stick around and stay strong.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 462
Hi BigShoe
I'm glad you are posting again, l am very impressed you are changing your drinking habits whilst living with a active partner. I would find that a great challenge, stay strong and maybe she will follow your great example
See you around!
I'm glad you are posting again, l am very impressed you are changing your drinking habits whilst living with a active partner. I would find that a great challenge, stay strong and maybe she will follow your great example
See you around!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 514
Glad you are here! I really enjoyed reading your post, as I can very much relate to it. That had been my pattern for a long time: getting a few days under my belt, followed by a sudden "selective memory" of just how bad my drinking was, not to mention the days following. Binge drinking really is a slippery slope... I found myself sliding past all of my former boundaries until I frankly had no boundaries at all when it came to alcohol. It is good that you are recognizing this now before things get out of hand.
Hopefully your wife will come to this point as well, but as you know, she has to come to that realization herself. Otherwise she will resent you for being "controlling" or "policing her drinking". I was formerly in a relationship like this, and I had myself convinced that he was just a controlling ass. I realized in retrospect that I was the ass without a shred of clarity or perspective, much less accountability for my actions.
Have you had a frank discussion with her regarding your newfound sobriety and how her binge drinking affects you? To me, drinking an entire bottle of wine in one night just screams binge. If she doesn't want to pursue total sobriety, she could just try to limit herself at first... if she is unable to do that, she should know that is a big warning sign of terrible things to come.
I wish you the best, and good luck with your new job and home!
Hopefully your wife will come to this point as well, but as you know, she has to come to that realization herself. Otherwise she will resent you for being "controlling" or "policing her drinking". I was formerly in a relationship like this, and I had myself convinced that he was just a controlling ass. I realized in retrospect that I was the ass without a shred of clarity or perspective, much less accountability for my actions.
Have you had a frank discussion with her regarding your newfound sobriety and how her binge drinking affects you? To me, drinking an entire bottle of wine in one night just screams binge. If she doesn't want to pursue total sobriety, she could just try to limit herself at first... if she is unable to do that, she should know that is a big warning sign of terrible things to come.
I wish you the best, and good luck with your new job and home!
OX
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Upper Left USA
Posts: 630
Yes we have talked of our drinking. We have done the whole only weekend/ or special occasion or 24 hours a week. Always ends up down the same dark hole. I am more prone to depression and probably dislike the booze for that reason.
It was quite the realization that others don’t drink in the same manner.
It was quite the realization that others don’t drink in the same manner.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,246
Wishing you well on your recovery. I can relate to so much of your post......I am trying to quit for good this time but it is a challenge when your partner drinks. I find it very lonely. I am so very grateful to SR where I can read posts like yours and know that I am not alone. Thank you.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,367
Welcome back BigShoe
I destroyed my life as completely on pot as I did later with alcohol, so no matter how many people tell me how good it is for them, it's no good for me.
Alcohol is legal too and look where that got us.
I hope you'll stick around - sounds like you could use some support?
D
I destroyed my life as completely on pot as I did later with alcohol, so no matter how many people tell me how good it is for them, it's no good for me.
Alcohol is legal too and look where that got us.
I hope you'll stick around - sounds like you could use some support?
D
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
