Oregongirlsite

I am going to be faithful to posting. It’s one thing I can do. Today would have been day 4. But went grocery shopping and it was like automatic pilot to buy wine. Had 3 glasses poured the rest out. Tomorrow is another Day One but I will still suit up and show up here. Thanks for always being so welcoming.

Gerard52

A small victory only drinking 3 glasses before throwing the wine away. From your other posts you 20 years sober, what did that feel like was it a constant struggle not to drink those 20 years? Did you enjoy doing things not drinking, what did it feel like?

Dee74

Welcome back Oregonsitegirl
Are you working to any kind of a plan ?

D

PhoenixJ

You slipped
YOU ARE HUMAN
You came right back and shared
You are doing good.

Support to you, OS

mns1

Pouring out the rest especially after already having a few glasses takes some guts and an iron will OGS. Carry that determination into day 1 and beyond and you can absolutely do this.

We have your back 100% count on it

ChloeRose63

You were very strong to pour the rest of the wine out!
That should tell you that you are getting strong! I won't go shopping if I have the feeling that my auto (zombie) piIot might buy a bottle of wine even though my sober self is screaming "NO"!
I am still working on that part. It comes and goes. Some days I don't even think about drinking...but, then there are those other days, too, usually in the morning when I think that having a drink would make it a more tolerable day. Like today...I have been fighting all morning with my AV. (And I really need to run some errands.)Thankful I have SR.
Glad you posted.

Oregongirlsite

Haven’t really shared (I don’t think) about the 25 years then relapse. I never really thought about being an alcoholic. I stopped drinking and didn’t know I wasn’t going to drink again for 25 years. Had 3 close calls early on but didn’t so the non drinking days continued and I didn’t even think about it anymore. BUT then we went to Mexico once upon a time and I drank those little drinks at the pool. I call them foofie drinks because they aren’t Manhattans or other whiskey varieties. So here’s another fact that built the lie...We flew home and I didn’t touch another adult beverage for 2 years. Nuther vaca. So I was convinced that I didn’t have a problem. I was a non drinker.
But then came an anniversary and I thought...I can have a fun drink just to be sociable. So my progression began very slowly but it began and it grew. As it does. Only in this last year have I really owned that I am an alcoholic. I CANNOT BE MODERATE. And as I look at my life I was not a normal drinker when I started as a teen. The 25 years were beyond great but also a trick to help me think I really didn’t have THE PROBLEM.
So my friends here are helping me get personal with my addiction. And I thank you. And thanks for letting me share. So one thing to note. I hate having alcohol consume my thinking. Since SR I have lessened the amount. I have a good part time job, walk 25-30 miles faithfully each week and have lost 9 pounds. All part of my “plan”.
I will be faithful to myself and SR to post here and learn the ways of staying sober. I loved sobriety. I will again.

Hevyn

I'm really glad you wanted to talk about what happened. Be proud of yourself for owning it & being determined to move forward. You learned something.

Ladysadie

Hey Oregon, good decision to pour the rest of that wine out! I can't tell you how many half drank bottles of (expensive!) wine or vodka I have poured out, and saved myself further damage. Oh the waste. I've also done the "all-inclusive" Mexico trips (they called me Bodka doble) and I have been pulled out of a hot tub or pool several times, much to my shame. I've been an embarrassment to my family and friends, as well as myself. I found it was time to hang it up for good and with it came my self respect. I hope you continue to share here, I hope we can encourage each other to be present and our best selves for those we love and care about. Good for you for laying it out so honestly! Appreciate your real-ness.

Oregongirlsite

Why, thank YOU Lady!! am in that place you speak of...loss of self respect and my heavy drinking is seen by others for what it is. A problem.

August252015

Oregon girl- really glad to see you back. Appreciate your bravery and honesty in sharing your story. Hope you stay with us- take care of yourself.

Branches

Oregongirl,

Thank you for sharing your story and being so open and honest. Big high five on pouring the wine out. It's easy to slip, but to catch yourself mid-slip and turn around and own it is awesome.

fini

Oregongirl,
great that you know what he problem is that you have. without knowing what the problem is, one is unlikely to find a fitting solution.

so you are in a good spot!

Delilah1

Welcome back!

Rar

Thank you for sharing your story Oregongirl. Glad you're back and posting. Great job on pouring the rest of the drink out. Looking forward to your posts.

Oregongirlsite

r On my promise to be honest. Yesterday I made a conscious decision (I’d been fighting this urge for hours) to go to the store to buy wine. Bought 2 bottles. I had 2 glasses and poured the other half out. I still have one unopened bottle not chilled. Since I love to drink and do anything...clean house, work in my flowers, read...you will say what can you do differently?? Maybe I’ll not clean and not read and let my flowers die...👈🏻 that’s a little joke. So I will do this...I will face the music that the craving for alcohol is part of the giving it up. I don’t have anxiety or any of the bad things associated with the desire. But my AV takes over and it becomes my focus. So I will walk my 3-4 miles, eat well, drink lots of water, maybe go for another walk later, check in here again and KNOW THAT YOU FOLKS HAVE GOTTEN PAST THE CRAVING. and I WILL CRAVE TODAY. I won’t slide by thinking it won’t happen. Thanks for being here for me. #iwillnotgiveup #ipromisetostayconnected
Because my MO has been to hide from SR.
I will add, the depression piece of alcohol has been growing.

badgerden

Hello from a fellow Oregonian!

Since I love to drink and do anything...clean house, work in my flowers, read...you will say what can you do differently?? Maybe I’ll not clean and not read and let my flowers die. yup that was my MO also, vacuum in one hand, glass in the other, and I avoided going to the store like the plague for the first few months. Wine aisle was like a nasty sink hole with a magnet in the middle, drew me in every time.

I know I cannot stray far from SR, my av is just waiting for me to become complacent than bang down the rabbit hole I go.

Keep posting!

badge

Ladysadie

Oregon girls: Hang in there! maybe mix things up a little? Vacuuming could very well be detrimental to your health. Stop vacuuming and maybe get yourself to town? Get your bath, go for a pedicure, meet a friend for lunch? Be more social? Have someone you check in with daily until you can safely vacuum without wine!!

Badgerden has this quote. I love it!!

“You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.” ―Bob Marley

kevlarsjal2

Hi Oregon! I'm sorry to hear you're struggling with finding your way back into sobriety
But also I wanted to thank you for sharing your story. My drinking history is a lot shorter than most people's (started at 13, got sober at 26) and although I was a daily drinker in the end (but not until I blacked out) and it was incredibly hard to get sober I often worry that over time those memories will fade, seem less real and like I "was just in a tough spot" then or "overreacting". My therapist even suggests that there might be a time when I will drink again and can do so "normally". Those things also push me a bit into thoughts like "I don't really have the problem"... Hearing how we can't escape what we are, not even after many many sober years is a valued and appreciated reminder. I hope this doesn't come across the wrong way, I'm very sorry you relapsed of course.

Sending you lots of strength!

Oregongirlsite

Sadly I am drinking a glass of wine as I read here. 😔 I guess I must have some days and effort under my belt before posting again. I don’t want to waste your time with my bs. Went for my walk, have gotten lots done today, now am resting before working outside. sigh...so tiresome. But you remain very dear to me. I will watch and read every day. The next time you hear from me I will have some progress to report. Not just wishful thinking.