whatsgoingon

Thanks to everyone who has replied in the post. It really is humbling to think that you have taken time out to help me.

There is method to my madness with setting a date. As some of you know I’ve been posting on these forums for a number of years. I’ve had two fairly long periods of sobriety so I know I’m capable of doing it. My previous bouts sobriety came about because I embarked on ‘sober October’. I even did one for charity once. My wife and family really got behind me and the support I received really pushed me on. Once I’d got past October I just kept going. This year I’m not waiting for October, I’m going a month early. The fact I will have my wife encouraging me and constantly on my case if I even think about drink is huge. In normal day to day life like today I battle this addiction alone. No one knows that I have a drink problem. Support helps me but as I don’t want to admit or open up about my problem I’ll take support in any form it takes.

With regards to giving up today I already have but this happens on a weekly basis. I give up the booze every week and then after three or four days I’m back on it. I’ve been drinking on and off for thirty years, I’ve given up more times than I can remember and I’ve tried lots of different methods from cold turkey right away to reading the books and having a plan. Some methods work better than others. So what I’m saying is yes I will stop today, god knows what will happen tomorrow or the next day. I’ll concentrate on the now. The date in September is official, I can’t go back, it’s out there and everyone knows. If there is one thing I hate doing it’s letting people down. If I’ve told my wife I’m doing it then by hook or by crook I’ll do it. Between now and September I may slip, that’s not pessimistic that’s honest and realistic. My wife thinks I’m giving up booze to lose weight, she keeps reminding me I could do with shifting a few pounds. I also want to lose weight myself as it’s been slowly creeping up for years. I’m 44 years old and right now I feel old, tired, lethargic, unmotivated and fat. My dream is to be healthy and full of energy so I can run and have fun with my kids. I’d love to lose a stone so i can quit wearing baggy shirts to hide my fat gut. Im the kind of person that needs a ‘why?’. I think I’ve got a why now and that will help me with long term sobriety. Booze serves me no purpose in life. It make me tired, lazy and fat. I don’t want to be like that anymore. So I want to do this for me just as much as I want to do it for my wife and family. Being in my forties I’m conscious of my own mortality, I want to be here for my kids not a sad headline in the local paper.

Thanks so much for all your support, I will keep you updated on my progress. 🤞

ScottFromWI

A couple of thoughts on this post Whatsgoingoin.

1. You may think that there is a "method do your madness" but if you re-read your post you'll see that you are pretty much already giving yourself permission to drink between now and September. How is that date going to be any different than today? If you really want to quit, why not cut out all the BS and just quit?

2. For me, the most crucial part of quitting was being honest - first and foremost with myself, but also with those around me. Instead of trying to cover up the reason you are quitting why not just be honest with your wife and tell her why you are really quitting?

I know you've been coming here for years, and much of the advice you've been given here today has been given to you many times in the past. You've also admitted that you generally don't listen or follow it anyway. You asked for advice today - mine would be to cut out the BS and just quit - and be honest about why.

MrsLecter

You mentioned not wanting to let people down and that really struck me. I'm just over 7 months sober and I have moments where my fear of relapse isn't that I might do too much and die - it's that I will disappoint my husband. As soon as that gets in my head, I have to reframe it because that type of thinking causes me huge anxiety and I've shared about it in meetings about 20 times. The best advice I get is to get perspective, cut it down to size and look at it a different way.

If I tell myself that I don't ever need to drink again, that scares the crap out of me. If I rephrase it and tell myself that I don't need to drink today, because I didn't drink yesterday so I know it can be done - then that cuts down the level of fear in my head.

You mentioned the potential to slip between now and your planned stopping date - have you broken it down to events that lead up to you drinking? When I drank just over 7 months ago, I was all, "I don't know how or why it happened" but that wasn't true. I felt weird the day before, I had huge amounts of stress to deal with that I had partially brought upon myself, my brain chemistry was all messed up from the ongoing booze and drugs and instead of interrupting my routine to go to the corner shop and getting booze, I just floated along on auto-pilot like I was some kind of slave to it.

I certainly wouldn't tell you that a designated stopping date isn't a good thing, because I simply don't know what will happen. But I do think that this is a huge amount of pressure you are putting on yourself and that date is looming and probably getting bigger and bigger in your mind!

With regards to your wife not knowing about your motivations to stop drinking, that's entirely up to you too but for me, I have been entirely honest with my husband which has been *hard*. He has no background in addiction, he doesn't drink at all, he's never done any type of drug, he's never even had a cigarette! But being able to come home from a meeting or text him in the middle of the day and say, "good lord I feel extra sober today" or coming home and just talking about how much progress I've made physically, is a pretty great experience than we can both share. I was sick during active addiction for sure, but so was he in terms of his stress levels and having to cope with having a drunk at home all day.

I wish you the best and sending you lots of good vibes!

ChloeRose63

It is freeing to admit that you are an alcoholic. It is easier than digging up all those excuses.

lessgravity

Not sure how this is compatible with what you posted in another thread where you wrote:

"My work life is out of control. I have not paid a tax bill that is due. My health is deteriorating, I’m over weight, my anxiety is getting worse. "

I went through your posts and saw much of my struggle in them. You've been here for as long as I have. We are about the same age, wife, kids, job.

All that can be lost.

I know you know this. I just read this thread and I see someone who is giving themselves the chance to keep drinking, even for a few weeks, and it's clear that the shift hasn't happened within you yet that is going to get and keep you sober.

I came here and tried and failed as many times as anyone so I'm not judging in any way. I wish I got sober for my family and my self years earlier. Hoping you can put the poison down now, for good.

Dee74

Taking your logic, why not quit now and have almost 6 weeks under your belt when Sober October rolls around?

Thats pretty much two weeks 'better' than September 1?

D