Hey sometimes life is just a pain in the ***
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Posts: 8,637
Hey sometimes life is just a pain in the ***
Stack of bills covering the table.
Not enough money to cover them. Probably not even half of them.
Five concurrent major renovation projects underway (doing the work myself).
Need a plumber urgently and an electrician as a fairly high priority at two separate houses and can't get one to call me back.
Boss is frustrated with me and I'm frustrated with him.
Trying to move to another house soon, while continuing to finish up and hopefully sell the other.
I feel exhausted.
I haven't had time to exercise in forever.
Even if I do get the time I don't have the energy.
So.... sobriety means accepting that this is all just how life is.... sometimes, it's a pain in the a**.
Despite those challenging facets - I also have a pretty good general level of health, I have a loving family, I have a job, I have sufficient credit to 'float' these repairs, I have faith the house will sell in time and for a price that will pay back the debt, I have friends and I have my awareness, my presence, my sobriety to help me keep on dealing with the challenges in good spirits. I'm not always upbeat. I sometimes feel pretty drained. I sometimes catch myself engaged in frustrated self-talk.
But sobriety grants me the ability to consistently re-frame the negativity and to be grateful for all I have. I wouldn't have these challenges without many of the blessings.
Wishing away these challenges would be to wish away the blessings.
Juggling four children is HARD....
But I am so grateful and blessed for having these four children and their love and smiles and warmth and curiosity and lessons are invaluable.
I wouldn't have to deal with these house repairs if I didn't have this house..... but then, I also wouldn't have had the experience of this home in a nice neighborhood as a base for my growing family these past 7 years.
Life is a pendulum of the difficult and the joyful - the two are interrelated.
So when I say to you that with sobriety gets "better and better and better...." - know that it's not about life becoming all roses. It's not that everything is cruisey and wonderful and there are no problems....
It's about the ability to take the 'good' with the 'bad' and to maintain a peaceful, present gratitude through it all.....
Hey, Happy Sober Monday everybody.
Not enough money to cover them. Probably not even half of them.
Five concurrent major renovation projects underway (doing the work myself).
Need a plumber urgently and an electrician as a fairly high priority at two separate houses and can't get one to call me back.
Boss is frustrated with me and I'm frustrated with him.
Trying to move to another house soon, while continuing to finish up and hopefully sell the other.
I feel exhausted.
I haven't had time to exercise in forever.
Even if I do get the time I don't have the energy.
So.... sobriety means accepting that this is all just how life is.... sometimes, it's a pain in the a**.
Despite those challenging facets - I also have a pretty good general level of health, I have a loving family, I have a job, I have sufficient credit to 'float' these repairs, I have faith the house will sell in time and for a price that will pay back the debt, I have friends and I have my awareness, my presence, my sobriety to help me keep on dealing with the challenges in good spirits. I'm not always upbeat. I sometimes feel pretty drained. I sometimes catch myself engaged in frustrated self-talk.
But sobriety grants me the ability to consistently re-frame the negativity and to be grateful for all I have. I wouldn't have these challenges without many of the blessings.
Wishing away these challenges would be to wish away the blessings.
Juggling four children is HARD....
But I am so grateful and blessed for having these four children and their love and smiles and warmth and curiosity and lessons are invaluable.
I wouldn't have to deal with these house repairs if I didn't have this house..... but then, I also wouldn't have had the experience of this home in a nice neighborhood as a base for my growing family these past 7 years.
Life is a pendulum of the difficult and the joyful - the two are interrelated.
So when I say to you that with sobriety gets "better and better and better...." - know that it's not about life becoming all roses. It's not that everything is cruisey and wonderful and there are no problems....
It's about the ability to take the 'good' with the 'bad' and to maintain a peaceful, present gratitude through it all.....
Hey, Happy Sober Monday everybody.
Last edited by Dee74; 08-20-2018 at 04:33 PM.
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Location: Big City
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Truer words.
That peace we get from staying, being, still staying sober is something I am still experiencing very deeply at various times. It almost comes down on me from above - in moments of anxiety at work which I'm dealing with today, in moments of calm - it's amazing and only through sobriety can it be felt.
The peace you describe I think is the converse of the random anxiety/pain/panic/suffering that would come on during my drinking days.
I like to say suffering is not an add-on in life - it's guaranteed. What we do with it is up to us.
Thank you for the post.
That peace we get from staying, being, still staying sober is something I am still experiencing very deeply at various times. It almost comes down on me from above - in moments of anxiety at work which I'm dealing with today, in moments of calm - it's amazing and only through sobriety can it be felt.
The peace you describe I think is the converse of the random anxiety/pain/panic/suffering that would come on during my drinking days.
I like to say suffering is not an add-on in life - it's guaranteed. What we do with it is up to us.
Thank you for the post.
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Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 1,137
I love your posts FreeOwl! 
Lately life has been tough for me too and I kept thinking "at least I don't make it worse by drinking and avoiding things". So I guess being sober doesn't make life itself better but it stops us from making it constantly worse.
Lately life has been tough for me too and I kept thinking "at least I don't make it worse by drinking and avoiding things". So I guess being sober doesn't make life itself better but it stops us from making it constantly worse.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Originally Posted by kevlarsjal2 
I love your posts FreeOwl!
Lately life has been tough for me too and I kept thinking "at least I don't make it worse by drinking and avoiding things". So I guess being sober doesn't make life itself better but it stops us from making it constantly worse.
Lately life has been tough for me too and I kept thinking "at least I don't make it worse by drinking and avoiding things". So I guess being sober doesn't make life itself better but it stops us from making it constantly worse.
. I hope things get better for you soon.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
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things are fine.... things are the way they are and I am sober.
things will be smooth and cruisey....
things will be challenging, stressful and tiring....
things will be everywhere in between....
sobriety makes things a lot like the weather.
things will be smooth and cruisey....
things will be challenging, stressful and tiring....
things will be everywhere in between....
sobriety makes things a lot like the weather.
Rehydrating to Oblivion.
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 1,332
Hope things get better for you soon FreeOwl 
Always love your posts. I'll never forget reading something from you very early in my sobriety (coming up on two years ago now). You said something along the lines of that they key was to stop thinking of drinking as something we can't do, but instead think of it as something we don't want to do. Once I started thinking that way, the difference was night and day, and it started to become a choice and not a rule. As we all know, very little is as tempting as the forbidden fruit... So thank you!
Always love your posts. I'll never forget reading something from you very early in my sobriety (coming up on two years ago now). You said something along the lines of that they key was to stop thinking of drinking as something we can't do, but instead think of it as something we don't want to do. Once I started thinking that way, the difference was night and day, and it started to become a choice and not a rule. As we all know, very little is as tempting as the forbidden fruit... So thank you!
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Originally Posted by BringingBackB
Hope things get better for you soon FreeOwl
Always love your posts. I'll never forget reading something from you very early in my sobriety (coming up on two years ago now). You said something along the lines of that they key was to stop thinking of drinking as something we can't do, but instead think of it as something we don't want to do. Once I started thinking that way, the difference was night and day, and it started to become a choice and not a rule. As we all know, very little is as tempting as the forbidden fruit... So thank you!
Always love your posts. I'll never forget reading something from you very early in my sobriety (coming up on two years ago now). You said something along the lines of that they key was to stop thinking of drinking as something we can't do, but instead think of it as something we don't want to do. Once I started thinking that way, the difference was night and day, and it started to become a choice and not a rule. As we all know, very little is as tempting as the forbidden fruit... So thank you!
I'd long thought about not drinking as something I 'had to' do.....
I'd beat myself up about how 'I've GOT to QUIT!!'.
But when I began to tell myself another story, and to build a vision of how a SOBER life would be, how I WANTED that life, how being sober was admirable, cool and positive..... I stopped focusing on the loss, the powerlessness of not having choice, on the sense of 'missing out' and instead began to magnify all the goodness of being sober.
It worked.
I'm really glad it helped you a bit, too!
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Posts: 316
Originally Posted by FreeOwl
But sobriety grants me the ability to consistently re-frame the negativity and to be grateful for all I have. I wouldn't have these challenges without many of the blessings.
Life is a pendulum of the difficult and the joyful - the two are interrelated.
So when I say to you that with sobriety gets "better and better and better...." - know that it's not about life becoming all roses. It's not that everything is cruisey and wonderful and there are no problems....
It's about the ability to take the 'good' with the 'bad' and to maintain a peaceful, present gratitude through it all.
AMEN! The ability to reframe my thoughts is one of the biggest joys. Now that I'm not drinking and depressed, I'm not thinking depressed. And instead of thinking the worst case scenario when stuff happens, I can tell myself a new story. "It's not that bad. It will work out. I refuse to worry about this." Great post.
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
I was listening to a professor of psychology the other day, talking to a group f young people. He said that essentially "life was suffering". I have an idea there is a biblical element to that. But later he talked abotu purpose and worthwhile goals and that caught my interest. He said to forget happiness, it is transient at best, you may never find it. Instead aim for honor, humility, trust, purpose, commitment, responsibility, achievement, integrity, truth and a number of other qualities I admire in others..
Life will have its ups and downs, but I have the ffeling that if we try to live to these ideals, we will be ok, no matter what happens in our external world.
Life will have its ups and downs, but I have the ffeling that if we try to live to these ideals, we will be ok, no matter what happens in our external world.
Join Date: Aug 2011
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I love everything about this thread. <3
I mean I don't love that you are having some challenges, FreeOwl, but I do very much love your perspective on facing those challenges. It's all about mindset.
and Gottalife, thank you for this...I feel like so many of my worst problems in life were created by my quest for "happiness". The goals you mention below bring something so much larger and more solid than just happiness. Hard to put into words, but it seems once I stopped striving so hard to "be happy" is when I really began to find peace.
I mean I don't love that you are having some challenges, FreeOwl, but I do very much love your perspective on facing those challenges. It's all about mindset.
and Gottalife, thank you for this...I feel like so many of my worst problems in life were created by my quest for "happiness". The goals you mention below bring something so much larger and more solid than just happiness. Hard to put into words, but it seems once I stopped striving so hard to "be happy" is when I really began to find peace.
He said to forget happiness, it is transient at best, you may never find it. Instead aim for honor, humility, trust, purpose, commitment, responsibility, achievement, integrity, truth and a number of other qualities I admire in others..
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Originally Posted by soberlicious
and Gottalife, thank you for this...
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: "I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost ..."
Posts: 5,273
lol Gottalife, well I appreciate you sharing the ideas from the professor. Don't sweat them not being your ideas because, in all fairness, they weren't his original ideas either; he just expressed them very eloquently. <3
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