Wait, the real work starts AFTER we get sober???
 

Procrastination and neglect. Those are the two terms that I'm struck with, the two headed dragon of drunkenness, that I feel rearing its ugly head now.

The chickens are coming home to roost in other words. Drinking provided me with false protection from the debts I was accruing in life. Debts of finance, spirit, relationship, career. Drinking and all the planning, the recovering from hangovers, the total oblivion, it all allowed me to ignore the facts of my life. But, as Jung puts it, that which we resist, persists.

Drinking is not an option, I'm free that way. But confronting and dealing with the aspects of my life that I've neglected and avoided is also not an option.

Getting sober is the true gift I've given myself and I will reap the benefits for the rest of my life. But in my foolish, childish drinking life I've also given myself much pain and difficulties going forward.

As always, no one is coming to save me.

I hear ya, lessgravity. It's been so easy and natural to internally club myself for being so blind, neglectful and foolish. Too easy. But there's gotta be a reason we're here and sober to face it, right? There has to be.

And dare I ask, couldn't it be worse? As much debt we accumulated, as many relationships we've potentially ruined, as alone as we may feel at the moment, couldn't the mountain be WAY taller, scarier and more seemingly insurmountable?

I compare some people's bottom to mine, and they're much worse. They rebounded times ten. Of course we're overwhelmed and discouraged at the moment, but it can't mean it will always be this way? That we can't not only fix and undo some of the wreckage but rebuild an even bigger empire than what we had before? I feel your pain, I really do, and I see you. But we're not in a gutter right now making it worse. I'm going to attempt to stay positive today. Hopefully we can do this together.

I heard in a meeting the other night SOBER stands for "Son of a bitch, everything's real"

No doubt Hawk. Agree with you on all counts.

In fact I was using some of the techniques that helped me to get sober in order to ride through the negative feelings I have about my chickens and their coming home to roost. Besides the gratitude that you echo, I've found the mental trick of "urge surfing" helpful. ie I know that the negative/anxious/worried emotions and uncomfortable experiences I'm going through, as a result of my procrastination and years of drinking, will pass. They do pass, every time. Even the worst of them, for all of us. Knowing that urges would pass the way they would helps me to get through these tough times as well.

And there's no question you are right - we are finally making things better in our lives, and the lives we touch, all because we are sober. That's a big, very big thing. I am not losing sight of that. Thank you for the reminder though. Happy to be walking the path of sobriety with you.

Yes.

Yup.

Yes, it does.

I get the idea that the "real work" is what's known in some quarters as being alive and responsible as human beings, meeting basic obligations that we've often been shirking while being drunks.

I believe that being an active alcoholic is a lot of darn work. That being said, when I was actively drinking I dug myself a very big hole. When I quit, I got down to business to dig myself out of the hole I CREATED. And I succeeded. Never would have happened if I was a drunkard.

Slow and steady wins the race.

Here are 4 reminders as you go along your slow and steady journey to success in life and fitness.
1/ Don't obsess over the how or when, but focus on your 'why' ...
2/ Keep an open mind. ...
3/ Give doubt the cold shoulder and run away from the haters. ...
4/ Stay in your lane.

we help save each other by support, like this post to you...yes no one will solve our probs...but friends can walk beside us on our difficult path and help carry the load..

Yes, LG, this is when the really hard work begins. :)

Thank you for the reminder that they DO pass...I had the greatest day today and would not have guessed that this morning. So grateful for you too and our recovery family. We got this <3

I have had lifelong issues with procrastination, I totally agree. I think some of it came from underlying anxiety, the feeling that if things weren't perfect I would be thrown out with the trash that goes back to my parents, the terror of both success and failure.

Starting a new career has really dredged up a lot of these issues. The first week just ended and I was living in my fight-or-flight response. My shrink helped a bit, and I'm just plugging away. Sales is interesting but it is all very new, and the standards are different.

Definitely turned to alcohol to numb that anxiety and avoid avoid avoid. Now that I don't have that escape I have to face my fears and keep going. I think it's doable, and far better than retreating into booze and drugs to numb...with the problems still unsolved in the short intervals between hung over and drunk again.

I like what thomas11 said. Active alcoholism is a ton of work. Facing debts, demons, working on yourself, etc has got to be easier (and more productive) than the daily exhaustion/withdrawal/hangover/lying/hiding, etc.

Life in recovery is worthwhile effort, unlike the work that was my drinking. And I consider myself fortunate to have the peculiar gift of alcoholism, as I heard someone describe it - and the BB describes at the top of 418 ("...it's the best thing that's ever happened to me"). Because I GET to know what my problem is and problems are, and know what to do about them to live my best life.

What are you planning then if you are not going to deal with them?

Hide, ignore runaway?

Very interesting title to your thread Sassy. It kinda seems that the real work begins after we get sober, but it would depend on what you mean by the terms "real work" and "get sober"

I think my experience went along the lines that I managed to put the drink down for enough time (normally time between benders - 2-3 days) to get started in the real work (action on a program of recovery), and the end result was that I became sober.

I think for me its that being sober means I'm not constantly doing the hamster in the wheel thing.

I'm just now getting used to the idea that maybe, just maybe, no one (especially myself) is coming along to rip the carpet out from under my feet.

I mean, life is life and it's not without it's own setbacks but at least now I'm not smashing my face with a hammer repeatedly.

-B

It's a huge amount of effort everyday but it was a huge amount of effort just staying alive and hanging on for one more day when I was still using.

I have noticed that things aren't as chaotic now I'm sober. A month into sobriety i called up all my creditors, told them my situation and agreed a repayment plan. Sometimes i can only pay £20, other times if I've worked extra i can give £50, which is one hell of a big improvement to my life 7 months ago.

Your achievement is that you are sober today. I got to bed sober and bloody hell, that's one heck of an accomplishment.

You can do this. You won't fix it all in one day, just do little steps.

[QUOTE=Buckley3;6990223]

I'm just now getting used to the idea that maybe, just maybe, no one (especially myself) is coming along to rip the carpet out from under my feet.

/QUOTE]

Funny you say this Buck. I also have identified the ingrained and habitual feeling I have related to your comment as being present even in sobriety. It's the whole "waiting for the other shoe to drop" feeling. I think when one has lived for so long lying and hiding and drinking away their life, they become so used to that feeling - that someone is going to pull the rug out from under their feet. It's something I feel still in relationships, in my career, even if it's irrational. I'm looking forward to being able to identify that feeling as fading with time.

Yup. And it's scary how - over time - we come to normalize the feeling... that such dysfunction isn't regarded a bit by ourselves as dysfunction.

I definitely think it goes away with time... but also practice. Acknowledging even the smallest wins. Tentatively stepping out into territory that terrifies us, opening our hearts (without being naive) a little at a time....

Great topic.

-B