Wait, the real work starts AFTER we get sober???
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Join Date: Feb 2018
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Not for me gravity; everything in my life is golden & remaining abstinent ensures that, but the latter – as doable as it’s been – has been trying my patience at times. Good luck on whatever it is that needs to be done.
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 269
Hey LG! The reality of all that I neglected to get drunk weighs heavily on me as well. In my case I've been overcompensating in an attempt to "catch up". Of course I can never get back all of the lost moments, opportunities, and memories that drinking took from me, but the awareness of all that I wasted to get wasted definitely motivates me to push myself to go the extra mile these days.
Another thing I've noticed is that the further away I get from my past drinking life the clearer the depths of how bad I actually was becomes, which in turn stirs up a strange new feeling in me. It's similar to what it might feel like to literally dodge a bullet, or to have successfully walked a tightrope across two tall buildings. I find myself thinking things like "I can't believe my husband didn't leave me, he must've been SO close..." or wondering how my kids put up with me, how my liver survived with so much booze, etc etc. They're not necessarily good feelings but they definitely strengthen the disgust I now feel at even the thought of ever getting drunk again.
Another thing I've noticed is that the further away I get from my past drinking life the clearer the depths of how bad I actually was becomes, which in turn stirs up a strange new feeling in me. It's similar to what it might feel like to literally dodge a bullet, or to have successfully walked a tightrope across two tall buildings. I find myself thinking things like "I can't believe my husband didn't leave me, he must've been SO close..." or wondering how my kids put up with me, how my liver survived with so much booze, etc etc. They're not necessarily good feelings but they definitely strengthen the disgust I now feel at even the thought of ever getting drunk again.
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
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Originally Posted by BrandNewDay11 
Hey LG! The reality of all that I neglected to get drunk weighs heavily on me as well. In my case I've been overcompensating in an attempt to "catch up". Of course I can never get back all of the lost moments, opportunities, and memories that drinking took from me, but the awareness of all that I wasted to get wasted definitely motivates me to push myself to go the extra mile these days.
Another thing I've noticed is that the further away I get from my past drinking life the clearer the depths of how bad I actually was becomes, which in turn stirs up a strange new feeling in me. It's similar to what it might feel like to literally dodge a bullet, or to have successfully walked a tightrope across two tall buildings. I find myself thinking things like "I can't believe my husband didn't leave me, he must've been SO close..." or wondering how my kids put up with me, how my liver survived with so much booze, etc etc. They're not necessarily good feelings but they definitely strengthen the disgust I now feel at even the thought of ever getting drunk again.
Another thing I've noticed is that the further away I get from my past drinking life the clearer the depths of how bad I actually was becomes, which in turn stirs up a strange new feeling in me. It's similar to what it might feel like to literally dodge a bullet, or to have successfully walked a tightrope across two tall buildings. I find myself thinking things like "I can't believe my husband didn't leave me, he must've been SO close..." or wondering how my kids put up with me, how my liver survived with so much booze, etc etc. They're not necessarily good feelings but they definitely strengthen the disgust I now feel at even the thought of ever getting drunk again.
As to the second sentiment, yes I find myself thinking that although I've saved myself from what was going to be certain loss, suffering and diminishment, that I still am that same "self" - with its same complexes and patterns which resulted from/led to/burnished my addiction to alcohol. But dealing with that "self" is the work of one's life in the end, right?
Really glad to see you around again, hope you find the time to post more.
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 269
Originally Posted by lessgravity
...But dealing with that "self" is the work of one's life in the end, right?
There's something in your original post confused me a bit. You said "Drinking is not an option...But confronting and dealing with the aspects of my life that I've neglected and avoided is also not an option".
At first I thought maybe you meant that NO LONGER confronting and dealing with life was not an option, but now I'm not sure if you meant it as it's written--that you are still avoiding dealing with some underlying issues in your life.
If the latter is true (or either way you meant it), I would like to offer my 2 cents, for whatever it's worth.
As we both know, all that time we spent being drunk in our past has stunted our spirits. Drinking to forget, avoid, or escape only works when we're drinking--and we all know where THAT kind of coping lands us--hence why we're here. But now, mercifully, we are sober, and we owe it to ourselves to do that "self work" you mention. Drinking prevented our growth spiritually, emotionally, and in many other ways, but we CAN catch up.
I had mentioned in another thread that around the same time I got sober in May I also made the commitment to address other issues I'd been completely neglecting, including taking my prescribed medications. I truly believe that finally addressing those issues has compounded the effects of also getting sober and given me tremendous momentum on my journey.
So in your case, my advice is that whatever issues you've been avoiding, now's the time to take that bull by the horns and deal with it. Whether it means seeking individual or marriage counseling, taking medication for underlying health or emotional issues, or something else completely, armed with your sobriety you are now equipped to deal with it. If you've attempted to deal with said issues in the past while drinking regularly I think you'll be shocked and awed at how different it is to do that "self work" while sober.
Of course we can't "fix" ourselves in a day, we spent decades in emotional limbo and it'll take time for our spirits to unfurl and truly shine. The important thing is that we are sober now. The tape is no longer on "pause" and we can get on with our true purpose in life. But we can only do so if we put the work in and get the help we need.
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Originally Posted by BrandNewDay11
Yes, I believe that's a big part of our work in life for sure!
There's something in your original post confused me a bit. You said "Drinking is not an option...But confronting and dealing with the aspects of my life that I've neglected and avoided is also not an option".
At first I thought maybe you meant that NO LONGER confronting and dealing with life was not an option, but now I'm not sure if you meant it as it's written--that you are still avoiding dealing with some underlying issues in your life.
If the latter is true (or either way you meant it), I would like to offer my 2 cents, for whatever it's worth.
As we both know, all that time we spent being drunk in our past has stunted our spirits. Drinking to forget, avoid, or escape only works when we're drinking--and we all know where THAT kind of coping lands us--hence why we're here. But now, mercifully, we are sober, and we owe it to ourselves to do that "self work" you mention. Drinking prevented our growth spiritually, emotionally, and in many other ways, but we CAN catch up.
I had mentioned in another thread that around the same time I got sober in May I also made the commitment to address other issues I'd been completely neglecting, including taking my prescribed medications. I truly believe that finally addressing those issues has compounded the effects of also getting sober and given me tremendous momentum on my journey.
So in your case, my advice is that whatever issues you've been avoiding, now's the time to take that bull by the horns and deal with it. Whether it means seeking individual or marriage counseling, taking medication for underlying health or emotional issues, or something else completely, armed with your sobriety you are now equipped to deal with it. If you've attempted to deal with said issues in the past while drinking regularly I think you'll be shocked and awed at how different it is to do that "self work" while sober.
Of course we can't "fix" ourselves in a day, we spent decades in emotional limbo and it'll take time for our spirits to unfurl and truly shine. The important thing is that we are sober now. The tape is no longer on "pause" and we can get on with our true purpose in life. But we can only do so if we put the work in and get the help we need.
There's something in your original post confused me a bit. You said "Drinking is not an option...But confronting and dealing with the aspects of my life that I've neglected and avoided is also not an option".
At first I thought maybe you meant that NO LONGER confronting and dealing with life was not an option, but now I'm not sure if you meant it as it's written--that you are still avoiding dealing with some underlying issues in your life.
If the latter is true (or either way you meant it), I would like to offer my 2 cents, for whatever it's worth.
As we both know, all that time we spent being drunk in our past has stunted our spirits. Drinking to forget, avoid, or escape only works when we're drinking--and we all know where THAT kind of coping lands us--hence why we're here. But now, mercifully, we are sober, and we owe it to ourselves to do that "self work" you mention. Drinking prevented our growth spiritually, emotionally, and in many other ways, but we CAN catch up.
I had mentioned in another thread that around the same time I got sober in May I also made the commitment to address other issues I'd been completely neglecting, including taking my prescribed medications. I truly believe that finally addressing those issues has compounded the effects of also getting sober and given me tremendous momentum on my journey.
So in your case, my advice is that whatever issues you've been avoiding, now's the time to take that bull by the horns and deal with it. Whether it means seeking individual or marriage counseling, taking medication for underlying health or emotional issues, or something else completely, armed with your sobriety you are now equipped to deal with it. If you've attempted to deal with said issues in the past while drinking regularly I think you'll be shocked and awed at how different it is to do that "self work" while sober.
Of course we can't "fix" ourselves in a day, we spent decades in emotional limbo and it'll take time for our spirits to unfurl and truly shine. The important thing is that we are sober now. The tape is no longer on "pause" and we can get on with our true purpose in life. But we can only do so if we put the work in and get the help we need.
As beautifully put as your message is, my own post was poorly worded. I meant that NOT confronting life is NOT an option. Confrontation here we go!
Sobriety makes every single thing deal-withable. Ha.
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 269
Originally Posted by lessgravity
As beautifully put as your message is, my own post was poorly worded. I meant that NOT confronting life is NOT an option. Confrontation here we go!
Sobriety makes every single thing deal-withable. Ha.
Sobriety makes every single thing deal-withable. Ha.
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
Originally Posted by BrandNewDay11
Haha! LG's new motto is BRING IT ON! 
Along the thoughtful, self-work reflection of your last post - have you ever read Carl Jung? There's a podcast by a woman who is a Jungian analyst called Speaking of Jung that I really rec - it's insights and conversations have been elemental in my post-alcohol life.
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Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 674
Originally Posted by lessgravity
Ha, no one is coming to save me still floats my boat though.
Along the thoughtful, self-work reflection of your last post - have you ever read Carl Jung? There's a podcast by a woman who is a Jungian analyst called Speaking of Jung that I really rec - it's insights and conversations have been elemental in my post-alcohol life.
Along the thoughtful, self-work reflection of your last post - have you ever read Carl Jung? There's a podcast by a woman who is a Jungian analyst called Speaking of Jung that I really rec - it's insights and conversations have been elemental in my post-alcohol life.
"What you resist not only persists, but will grow in size."
Glad to hear you are on the brink of a significant career change. I hope it's challenging and rewarding. You deserve it.
Should you ever hear doubt creep in, recognize it as not unlike the AV. It's just a voice and a state of mind that clouds our ability to see what's right in front of us - which is where things get done.
-B
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 269
Originally Posted by lessgravity
Along the thoughtful, self-work reflection of your last post - have you ever read Carl Jung? There's a podcast by a woman who is a Jungian analyst called Speaking of Jung that I really rec - it's insights and conversations have been elemental in my post-alcohol life.
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