New here
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 6
New here
Hi everyone. I'm trying recovery boards for the first time as hopefully a support to me as I try recover again. I know it might seem odd to say that I only drink once a week and have a problem, or at least that's what some have said to me but I do. I don't keep alcohol at home, I drink once a week, but I have serious trouble moderating and though I am sometimes successful, I am often deeply not successful at all...the total opposite. I've also tried to stop going out drinking and failed many times. I've had this issue for a few years now. I have refrained from drinking for a few months at a time but then gone back to doing it weekly and I don't have a lot of long sustained periods without. I don't understand how I can so deeply want to stop and also not want to stop but I do know that I have to stop. The time is now. I'm seeing a substance abuse counselor soon, it's scheduled. I'm nervous but ready.
welcome
Human
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Earth
Posts: 183
Addiction is that exact never ending mental loop. People who have never experienced it often argue against it being a disease, but that’s exactly what it is. All your logic says one thing and your brain flips that switch whenever it wants regardless. I’m sorry you are suffering from it, but you are already showing your strength in tackling the issue and seeking help! Welcome 
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Welcome recoverfae
I don;t think it's always how much you drink, or how often, it s what happens to you when you do.
If you have trouble stopping and there's a growing list of problems stemming from your drinking then you belong here as much as anyone else
Glad to have you join us
D
I don;t think it's always how much you drink, or how often, it s what happens to you when you do.
If you have trouble stopping and there's a growing list of problems stemming from your drinking then you belong here as much as anyone else
Glad to have you join us
D
Member
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 18
Welcome!
I’m new as well. I feel better when I review the posts from everyone and I think I learn something new each time I do. I’ve never experienced any real “pull” towards alcohol until this past year. (which has been awful) I think checking in here, with people that accept you and understand will help you stay strong. 🙂
QUOTE=recoverfae;6986682]Hi everyone. I'm trying recovery boards for the first time as hopefully a support to me as I try recover again. I know it might seem odd to say that I only drink once a week and have a problem, or at least that's what some have said to me but I do. I don't keep alcohol at home, I drink once a week, but I have serious trouble moderating and though I am sometimes successful, I am often deeply not successful at all...the total opposite. I've also tried to stop going out drinking and failed many times. I've had this issue for a few years now. I have refrained from drinking for a few months at a time but then gone back to doing it weekly and I don't have a lot of long sustained periods without. I don't understand how I can so deeply want to stop and also not want to stop but I do know that I have to stop. The time is now. I'm seeing a substance abuse counselor soon, it's scheduled. I'm nervous but ready.[/QUOTE]
QUOTE=recoverfae;6986682]Hi everyone. I'm trying recovery boards for the first time as hopefully a support to me as I try recover again. I know it might seem odd to say that I only drink once a week and have a problem, or at least that's what some have said to me but I do. I don't keep alcohol at home, I drink once a week, but I have serious trouble moderating and though I am sometimes successful, I am often deeply not successful at all...the total opposite. I've also tried to stop going out drinking and failed many times. I've had this issue for a few years now. I have refrained from drinking for a few months at a time but then gone back to doing it weekly and I don't have a lot of long sustained periods without. I don't understand how I can so deeply want to stop and also not want to stop but I do know that I have to stop. The time is now. I'm seeing a substance abuse counselor soon, it's scheduled. I'm nervous but ready.[/QUOTE]
I hope our support can help you get sober for good. Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 6
Originally Posted by Dee74 
Welcome recoverfae
I don;t think it's always how much you drink, or how often, it s what happens to you when you do.
If you have trouble stopping and there's a growing list of problems stemming from your drinking then you belong here as much as anyone else
Glad to have you join us
D
I don;t think it's always how much you drink, or how often, it s what happens to you when you do.
If you have trouble stopping and there's a growing list of problems stemming from your drinking then you belong here as much as anyone else
Glad to have you join us
D
Thanks, I was worried people wouldn’t understand why I’m here.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 6
Originally Posted by Purpleskye
Addiction is that exact never ending mental loop. People who have never experienced it often argue against it being a disease, but that’s exactly what it is. All your logic says one thing and your brain flips that switch whenever it wants regardless. I’m sorry you are suffering from it, but you are already showing your strength in tackling the issue and seeking help! Welcome
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Welcome.
Are you a weekend binge drinker? Ie is tonight going to be an issue for you? If so, no doubt the lovely folk here could help you get started on a sobriety plan.
I would personally suggest staying away from slippery places and people (where you tend to drink and who you tend to drink with).
HALT is a powerful tool when dealing with cravings and the obsession to drink. Hungry. Angry. Lonely. Tired. All of these can affect us when we're trying to stay sober. So, a plan involving sitting in alone with no food in the house, or interest in getting any are likely to be troublesome as they're like an open invitation to half of the HALT triggers. Plans to meet up with friends for food and a catch up are likely to be better for sobriety. I had to get imaginative where this was concerned as I didn't have any sober pals left by the time I stopped drinking. I'd made a concerted effort to surround myself with other problem drinkers, as that kind of convinced me that perhaps I wasn't so bad, after all, look at Tom, Dick and Harry over there - they've got a far bigger problem! It can take time to build up sober friendships. If thats the case with you as well it's worth looking into clubs and societies near you, maybe reach out to some of those old friends (or family) that got left by the wayside when their weekend activities seemed a little dry and dull for you. No need to tell them what you're doing,you can just say you've missed then and wondered how they are.
If you're here, chances are that your drinking has been bringing some unpleasant consequences with it, and it's important not to lose sight of those, or by next week you're likely to be convincing yourself that you've reset yourself now and can drink safely (despite all the past evidence to the contrary). Doing a list of ways that drinking has affected your life negatively is very useful. Initially to remind yourself if the insanity of taking the first drink and inviting all those consequences to persist, and in the near future when the novelty of sober living wears off and you get around to thinking it's not all it's cracked up to be. Then when you read your own list you're likely to get some rekindled gratitude re those consequences no longer being there. If you do this there are some useful areas to focus on, such as how it affected...
Health (physical and mental)
(I always thought the fear was worse than the physical hangover myself, but both are a pretty horrendous waste of time and energy, esp it's every week or so (over 10% of your life). I also sustained regular small injuries - burns, bruises, twisted ankles, etc. I also put myself in risky situations and could have been really badly hurt by others, and was assaulted a few times over the years. I'm not saying the people who assaulted me were blameless, but going forward, I don't need to put myself at increased risk. And if it happened again I hope that I would at least be sober and able to go to the police and be able to report it, which I didn't feel able to do in past instances.)
Finances
(not only did I spend more than I could afford on drink, I'd often end up comfort shopping the next day, or having to replace things I'd damaged or broken while drunk. Drunk online shopping was also a thing for me. Not to mention extravagant takeaways).
Relationships.
(Not being emotionally available for people who love us / losing or hurting friends and poeple who love us by putting drinking first, or behaving badly or inconsiderately when drunk).
Work.
(Those hangovers and the fear takes its toll on our worklife, and our ambitions, esp when it has affected our integrity and self respect (see below). Also, as a teacher I was just waiting for something terrible to become public knowledge and embarrass myself and the school, and then I'd have been answerable.)
Integrity and Self Respect.
(Easy to overlook, but when we lose these, even if we manage to keep all kinds of other 'stuff', we still feel completely lost and bereft. Alcohol is a thief for those of us who are alcoholics / problem drinkers. )
Legal
(Many folk tended to get into regular trouble with the law. Drink driving, drunk and disorderly, fights, etc. Looking back I was pretty lucky. I did steal some stuff drunk - silly little things really. And I got into some scrapes and hurt some people - people who I was convinced at the time 'deserved it'. I rationalised those things away easily because i never got held to account, but there was a big invisible YET hanging over me there. If I'd carried on drinking no doubt I'd have got into bigger trouble eventually. Thankfully I stopped in time on that score).
I've given examples in brackets for each area, not because I think they're particularly interesting, but because at first I was in denial, and thought I needed to drink to give me relief from all of those things. They because my rationalisations for hitting it hard. I couldnt see that all that stuff was consequences OF drinking. Not reasons TO drink, or more bad luck. They were simply consequences of taking that first drink which would likely lead me to crazy drinking (like you, not every single time, but it was like Russian Roulette. I couldn't guarantee that if I went for just a couple that I would be willing or able to stop at that.) Once I'd got that initial buzz going on, maybe because I'd had a couple, or even was just in anticipation of a good session it was like being in a bubble. I could see all those consequences, but somehow none of them really mattered. That's why for me, the first drink is not an option. Next thing would be I'd be back in that bubble and who knows what'd happen.
Anyway. I wish you all the best for your sobriety and recovery.
BB
Are you a weekend binge drinker? Ie is tonight going to be an issue for you? If so, no doubt the lovely folk here could help you get started on a sobriety plan.
I would personally suggest staying away from slippery places and people (where you tend to drink and who you tend to drink with).
HALT is a powerful tool when dealing with cravings and the obsession to drink. Hungry. Angry. Lonely. Tired. All of these can affect us when we're trying to stay sober. So, a plan involving sitting in alone with no food in the house, or interest in getting any are likely to be troublesome as they're like an open invitation to half of the HALT triggers. Plans to meet up with friends for food and a catch up are likely to be better for sobriety. I had to get imaginative where this was concerned as I didn't have any sober pals left by the time I stopped drinking. I'd made a concerted effort to surround myself with other problem drinkers, as that kind of convinced me that perhaps I wasn't so bad, after all, look at Tom, Dick and Harry over there - they've got a far bigger problem! It can take time to build up sober friendships. If thats the case with you as well it's worth looking into clubs and societies near you, maybe reach out to some of those old friends (or family) that got left by the wayside when their weekend activities seemed a little dry and dull for you. No need to tell them what you're doing,you can just say you've missed then and wondered how they are.
If you're here, chances are that your drinking has been bringing some unpleasant consequences with it, and it's important not to lose sight of those, or by next week you're likely to be convincing yourself that you've reset yourself now and can drink safely (despite all the past evidence to the contrary). Doing a list of ways that drinking has affected your life negatively is very useful. Initially to remind yourself if the insanity of taking the first drink and inviting all those consequences to persist, and in the near future when the novelty of sober living wears off and you get around to thinking it's not all it's cracked up to be. Then when you read your own list you're likely to get some rekindled gratitude re those consequences no longer being there. If you do this there are some useful areas to focus on, such as how it affected...
Health (physical and mental)
(I always thought the fear was worse than the physical hangover myself, but both are a pretty horrendous waste of time and energy, esp it's every week or so (over 10% of your life). I also sustained regular small injuries - burns, bruises, twisted ankles, etc. I also put myself in risky situations and could have been really badly hurt by others, and was assaulted a few times over the years. I'm not saying the people who assaulted me were blameless, but going forward, I don't need to put myself at increased risk. And if it happened again I hope that I would at least be sober and able to go to the police and be able to report it, which I didn't feel able to do in past instances.)
Finances
(not only did I spend more than I could afford on drink, I'd often end up comfort shopping the next day, or having to replace things I'd damaged or broken while drunk. Drunk online shopping was also a thing for me. Not to mention extravagant takeaways).
Relationships.
(Not being emotionally available for people who love us / losing or hurting friends and poeple who love us by putting drinking first, or behaving badly or inconsiderately when drunk).
Work.
(Those hangovers and the fear takes its toll on our worklife, and our ambitions, esp when it has affected our integrity and self respect (see below). Also, as a teacher I was just waiting for something terrible to become public knowledge and embarrass myself and the school, and then I'd have been answerable.)
Integrity and Self Respect.
(Easy to overlook, but when we lose these, even if we manage to keep all kinds of other 'stuff', we still feel completely lost and bereft. Alcohol is a thief for those of us who are alcoholics / problem drinkers. )
Legal
(Many folk tended to get into regular trouble with the law. Drink driving, drunk and disorderly, fights, etc. Looking back I was pretty lucky. I did steal some stuff drunk - silly little things really. And I got into some scrapes and hurt some people - people who I was convinced at the time 'deserved it'. I rationalised those things away easily because i never got held to account, but there was a big invisible YET hanging over me there. If I'd carried on drinking no doubt I'd have got into bigger trouble eventually. Thankfully I stopped in time on that score).
I've given examples in brackets for each area, not because I think they're particularly interesting, but because at first I was in denial, and thought I needed to drink to give me relief from all of those things. They because my rationalisations for hitting it hard. I couldnt see that all that stuff was consequences OF drinking. Not reasons TO drink, or more bad luck. They were simply consequences of taking that first drink which would likely lead me to crazy drinking (like you, not every single time, but it was like Russian Roulette. I couldn't guarantee that if I went for just a couple that I would be willing or able to stop at that.) Once I'd got that initial buzz going on, maybe because I'd had a couple, or even was just in anticipation of a good session it was like being in a bubble. I could see all those consequences, but somehow none of them really mattered. That's why for me, the first drink is not an option. Next thing would be I'd be back in that bubble and who knows what'd happen.
Anyway. I wish you all the best for your sobriety and recovery.
BB
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 6
Thanks so much. Sunday is the usual night for me. We have an odd schedule. I've done many of the things you mentioned to keep me on track. It will be hard to let go of the social aspect. The bar and the people there have been my main friends for a long time now. But I have other friends and family that I am trying to draw closer to. There have definetly been consequences. Lots of the self injury type. On purpose and accidental. I've been hurt by others while I was messed up. Thankfully no legal trouble or anything worse yet but I know it could easily happen. Continued success to you.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
Hi and welcome to you. Years and years ago, before I became an all day, everyday drinker, people would tell me I didn't have a problem and I shouldn't worry so much. But I felt then, and I feel now, even if you are drinking one drink, once a month- or even once a year- and YOU feel it is a problem then it IS.
Best of luck to you as you conquer this. Stick around here, we all know what you are going through as you quit.
Best of luck to you as you conquer this. Stick around here, we all know what you are going through as you quit.
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