This AV....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 469
This AV....
This voice says set one more quit date and make it a special date we can remember as our last goodbye...
This voice says you are crabby sober and are a better person when drinking...
This voice says you are lonely, troubled, and bored...let me help you...
This voice says Its not over until I say it's over...
This voice is all too familiar.
When i was young, I had anorexia. There was this voice (not audible) that controlled everything I ate...constantly bargaining with me, insulting me, telling I'm worthless.
This same voice said if I ate 1000 calories, I had to run off 1500 that same day. If I didn't, the morning guilt would cause me to starve the calories off.
This same voice told me at 22 years old, that at 97 pounds I was too fat.
I believed him.
I almost died. I went inpatient for awhile and finally recovered from my eating disorder.
Flash forward 15 years, I hear the same familiar voice. Except this time it's telling me to drink. It's telling me I'm worthless, fat, stupid, boring and nobody likes me. I'm more fun when I'm drinking.
I recognize this voice. It's the voice of satan himself (I know some don't believe). He wants me drunk and stupid and perhaps even dead. He knows my full value in this world and he does not want me to succeed.
I'm quitting today...2 days before my magical quit date of 8/18/18. There's nothing magical about that date. It's a game I'm not playing anymore.
This ends now.
This voice says you are crabby sober and are a better person when drinking...
This voice says you are lonely, troubled, and bored...let me help you...
This voice says Its not over until I say it's over...
This voice is all too familiar.
When i was young, I had anorexia. There was this voice (not audible) that controlled everything I ate...constantly bargaining with me, insulting me, telling I'm worthless.
This same voice said if I ate 1000 calories, I had to run off 1500 that same day. If I didn't, the morning guilt would cause me to starve the calories off.
This same voice told me at 22 years old, that at 97 pounds I was too fat.
I believed him.
I almost died. I went inpatient for awhile and finally recovered from my eating disorder.
Flash forward 15 years, I hear the same familiar voice. Except this time it's telling me to drink. It's telling me I'm worthless, fat, stupid, boring and nobody likes me. I'm more fun when I'm drinking.
I recognize this voice. It's the voice of satan himself (I know some don't believe). He wants me drunk and stupid and perhaps even dead. He knows my full value in this world and he does not want me to succeed.
I'm quitting today...2 days before my magical quit date of 8/18/18. There's nothing magical about that date. It's a game I'm not playing anymore.
This ends now.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 469
Can I swear here? This voice is total bull #%^*! It lies. Don't believe one word it says. It's been lying to me since January when I set my first of probably 20 quit dates. It ain't happening. 8/18 is not today or tomorrow. 8/18 doesn't exist.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 513
I just read your last thread and am very glad that you are choosing today and not relying on 'one last drink before I quit' dates in the future.
However, based on everything you wrote above, I think it would be advisable to seek outside help in order to maintain sobriety. More than just calling your husband whenever you want a drink and more than just this forum.
'How bad do I want to be sober?
My honest answer...not bad enough.'
Does the above statement still stand?
However, based on everything you wrote above, I think it would be advisable to seek outside help in order to maintain sobriety. More than just calling your husband whenever you want a drink and more than just this forum.
'How bad do I want to be sober?
My honest answer...not bad enough.'
Does the above statement still stand?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 469
When I said I didn't want it bad enough, I was playing on the fact I haven't been able to quit. Not funny I know. I do want this. I remember my year of sobriety and I miss it. I know it's going to be an uphill battle at first but I can get there. I will.
You guys better be prepared to hear a lot from me in the next few weeks.
You guys better be prepared to hear a lot from me in the next few weeks.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 469
Outside help isn't really an option for me. My insurance has the highest deductible with no copay. I've tried several AA meetings and feel like a fool. It's hard to relate with people that aren't like me...highly functioning. If you're high functioning you'll know what I mean. It's just not for me. SR got me sober last time and it will again.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 58
Originally Posted by secretchord 
This voice says set one more quit date and make it a special date we can remember as our last goodbye...
This voice says you are crabby sober and are a better person when drinking...
This voice says you are lonely, troubled, and bored...let me help you...
This voice says Its not over until I say it's over...
This voice is all too familiar.
When i was young, I had anorexia. There was this voice (not audible) that controlled everything I ate...constantly bargaining with me, insulting me, telling I'm worthless.
This same voice said if I ate 1000 calories, I had to run off 1500 that same day. If I didn't, the morning guilt would cause me to starve the calories off.
This same voice told me at 22 years old, that at 97 pounds I was too fat.
I believed him.
I almost died. I went inpatient for awhile and finally recovered from my eating disorder.
Flash forward 15 years, I hear the same familiar voice. Except this time it's telling me to drink. It's telling me I'm worthless, fat, stupid, boring and nobody likes me. I'm more fun when I'm drinking.
I recognize this voice. It's the voice of satan himself (I know some don't believe). He wants me drunk and stupid and perhaps even dead. He knows my full value in this world and he does not want me to succeed.
I'm quitting today...2 days before my magical quit date of 8/18/18. There's nothing magical about that date. It's a game I'm not playing anymore.
This ends now.
This voice says you are crabby sober and are a better person when drinking...
This voice says you are lonely, troubled, and bored...let me help you...
This voice says Its not over until I say it's over...
This voice is all too familiar.
When i was young, I had anorexia. There was this voice (not audible) that controlled everything I ate...constantly bargaining with me, insulting me, telling I'm worthless.
This same voice said if I ate 1000 calories, I had to run off 1500 that same day. If I didn't, the morning guilt would cause me to starve the calories off.
This same voice told me at 22 years old, that at 97 pounds I was too fat.
I believed him.
I almost died. I went inpatient for awhile and finally recovered from my eating disorder.
Flash forward 15 years, I hear the same familiar voice. Except this time it's telling me to drink. It's telling me I'm worthless, fat, stupid, boring and nobody likes me. I'm more fun when I'm drinking.
I recognize this voice. It's the voice of satan himself (I know some don't believe). He wants me drunk and stupid and perhaps even dead. He knows my full value in this world and he does not want me to succeed.
I'm quitting today...2 days before my magical quit date of 8/18/18. There's nothing magical about that date. It's a game I'm not playing anymore.
This ends now.
Good Luck!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,981
Originally Posted by secretchord
Outside help isn't really an option for me. My insurance has the highest deductible with no copay. I've tried several AA meetings and feel like a fool. It's hard to relate with people that aren't like me...highly functioning. If you're high functioning you'll know what I mean. It's just not for me. SR got me sober last time and it will again.
I'm seeing a lot of excuses here which isn't good. AA is a great place to get going, also you can call your insurance company to see about an addiction therapist, as well as rehab options. Recovery centers are another option.
Simply winging it in the past clearly hasn't worked then, and it's highly unlikely it will now. You've got to put the wheels to the road as it takes change to get get change.
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Originally Posted by secretchord
This voice is total bull #%^*! It lies. Don't believe one word it says. It's been lying to me since January when I set my first of probably 20 quit dates.
In all that time it has not told me one true thing.
It is a liar and a thief. It would kill me if I let it.
I stopped taking advice from a known liar and my life got a lot better.
I highly recommend it!
You
Can
Do
This
Member
Join Date: Jun 2018
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 36
Hi Secretchord & everyone else,
Just my way of working things - I despise my AV, having learnt from previous mistakes. The type of thing I mean is that it was insidious enough to tell me that I needed 'soft words of encouragement' rather than letting me realize that it was a 'kick in the @ass' I needed.
That said, the @ss kicking takes time and some serious soul searching to work. As stupid as this sounds, I was originally hoping for a Betty Ford type intervention where I'd meet Rock Stars and other troubled genius types... and together we'd formulate a fantastic cure that would help other suffering folk. Alas, this wasn't to be.
Instead, all I found was that my illness got worse. To me, I needed a different approach, and that was basically to give in and take a well intentioned harsh word from someone I trusted. Since then, my AV has been totally easier to deal with.
Wishing you all the very best & keep on fighting !!!
Johnnie.
Just my way of working things - I despise my AV, having learnt from previous mistakes. The type of thing I mean is that it was insidious enough to tell me that I needed 'soft words of encouragement' rather than letting me realize that it was a 'kick in the @ass' I needed.
That said, the @ss kicking takes time and some serious soul searching to work. As stupid as this sounds, I was originally hoping for a Betty Ford type intervention where I'd meet Rock Stars and other troubled genius types... and together we'd formulate a fantastic cure that would help other suffering folk. Alas, this wasn't to be.
Instead, all I found was that my illness got worse. To me, I needed a different approach, and that was basically to give in and take a well intentioned harsh word from someone I trusted. Since then, my AV has been totally easier to deal with.
Wishing you all the very best & keep on fighting !!!
Johnnie.
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