My sobriety feels so fragile. Suggestions?
 

Good morning SR Fam,

I'm celebrating my 39th day in sobriety today. Officially the longest time I have ever been sober in my entire adult using life (about 12 years). I was scared I was going to be a newcomer for the rest of my life, and not even ten day past that loose mark, I'm more scared than I've ever been.

I feel similar to an 18 year old kid with the world under their feet thinking they know everything and each passing year makes them realize how little they truly know. I feel like I'm suffering from "now what?" syndrome, and each sober day I have feels more and more precious.

I have so much more patience and serenity than I've ever had, being sober is so amazing, but I can't shake this feeling that I'm on the border of relapse. I thoroughly believe that this hole I/we feel is the "spiritual malady", seeking something outside of yourself. And I love the renewing connection I have between myself and my higher power. But I can't just pray for meaning, or something to do, every stinking ten minutes. I'm crawling the walls with boredom and emptiness, growing pissed that there is only so much I can clean, so many meetings I can go to, so many errands I can run, so many people I can text.

I know fulfillment is a never ending journey, and patience is key here. I'm just so concerned about letting the dry drunk slip back in as she always does and rationalize the autopilot drive to the liquor store.

Can anyone provide any suggestions about staying out of your head, avoiding paralysis by analysis in early recovery?

Could you maybe volunteer somewhere? If you like animals, maybe at an animal shelter? It makes you feel good about yourself, you get to cuddle cute fur balls and your mind is taken off your own stuff for a while :) Or if animals are not so much your cup of tea, maybe at a local soup kitchen etc.?

Congratulations, you're doing so well!

My suggestion is to find things to do that are fun. Get out there and enjoy life. The more you enjoy each day, the less likely you will be to relapse. Do you have hobbies that you are interested in, or do you play sports? I do a lot of hiking, which I love and it brings me so much peace. Find what works for you and go for it. :)

Step work with a sponsor coupled with service work. If you have a sponsor and they can’t help you with actionable service work find another. Shelters always need help. Find a way to volunteer.

Early sobriety sucks. Good for you on getting it out.

Keep trudgin

I'm an Aaer so that quickly offered me plenty to do, sometimes just knowing an hour at a time would be filled by going to a meeting.

Sober, I found it hard to get out of my head. That's what I drank for. Escape. What helped in early recovery was understanding what my head was doing, which was circling the drain until I drank.

Since that wasn't an option, I chose to suffer through it. It was tough, but short lived compared to the 35 years I drank. But at a couple months sober I was able to find that activities were activities again...not just a way to avoid drinking.

Stay strong.

I like making things, it gives me a sense of accomplishment and it passes time in a very mindful way. For example, something like baking bread or making a cake, or doing cross stitch (which is what I like to do), or knitting are very therapeutic. Could you join a choir or something, or a local group in your area? (I am in the UK, but we have things like parkrun and walking groups here that are free to join). Volunteering is also a good idea, it helps boost your sense of value and worthfulness, which are really important for your self-esteem.

Congrats on your achievement :)

Hi Hawking

I think what you're going through is completely normal.

Not a term I use, but I don't see any 'dry drunk' in you - just someone trying to come to terms with living sober after a decade or so of drinking.

I think sometimes those of us who've been there have a tendency to share as if we got sober and life got great.

It wasn't like that for me. Life continued to be hard for me - but I changed. The fly in the ointment there is it took a little longer than 20 days for that change to happen - but I do remember suddenly looking around and realising that the dark cynicism I used to have - and which I thought was fundamentally me - was gone.

I giess what I'm saying is = you might be exactly where you need to be right now - have patience. Think about the great suggestions here - and try not to worry - when you reduce it down all you really need to do is not raise that glass to your lips.

I think you got this :)

D

While my drinking patterns changed over the years, in the end I was a weekend binger. I spent my week like a mouse waiting for her piece of cheese on thursday night. It's taken some time to get used to not spending my weeks looking forward to 7pm on Thursday when my drinking would commence. Whenever I would start thinking about wine, wanting wine, being bored etc, I would come to sober recovery and read posts to remind myself why I stopped. As time goes by and the desire wanes, it will get easier to find other ways to occupy your time. I'm at 5 and 1/2 months and it seems like I have turned a corner in my sobriety. Keep going and you will get there too!

getting engaged with others, no matter which way, helps me with being out of my head( in a good way:). )
getting engaged with them but not about me.
so...text them to find out how THEY are. better yet, phone and ask. ask someone for a coffee get-together. "service" is a great way, and opportunities everywhere for that.
say hello to every person in the Newcomer section who shows up, starting from yesterday:)
that kind of stuff.

Thank you!
 

Thank you all SO MUCH. I really appreciate the support.

I think you all are right (thanks especially for sharing, Dee); the jist of it is, I'm still breaking the habit and certain patterns and even if I have to white knuckle a couple of hours and take it a minute at a time, it's so worth it.

I made my whiny butt go to two meetings and I'm feeling a lot better. I also was able to talk to my temporary sponsor and I think I'm going to start working on my fourth step. Hopefully, this climb will provide me some additional introspection and make me focus on everything else besides me.

Thank you all again <3

Hi! Well done on your sober time so far. In answer to your questions about what you can do about your current state of mind: to some extent, you just have to wait it out. I don’t mean to mislead — waiting it out doesn’t mean folding your hands in your lap and letting what will be, be; finding activities that bring purpose and order to your life are important — but I’d wager you’ll be feeling very different in a month or so again. There’s that old saying ‘time is a great healer’ and it’s as applicable to alcohol recovery as it is to anything else. As your mind and body continue to recover, I think you’ll find that you will start feeling much more positive and certain generally, and that will include your grasp on your own sobriety. Best to you!

ANYTHING AND EVERYYHING!!
What I did...volunteer, made a plan, went to- and ran meetings- AA and SMART (just went to), counselor,, GP assessment for my depression, exercise, a routine at home for self care and domestics, planned a budget- with help, SR, art, journal (I write every day- up to my 7th in 3 years), library visits- different ones, for community activities, DVD's (doco's), community centre to join groups (art), walking- LOTS, anything....,CBT training with a psychoist..VERY EFFECTIVE!
Support to you

Yes!
 

Yes! I'm so glad you said that, because I feel the CBT training I've been doing is the primary reason I'm sober and even have any patience with myself and the world. I think I've only scratched the surface there.

And I do think another problem I have is just implementation and follow-through. Just do something and stop thinking about it already. Sometimes I let my mind just arrest me and its so frustrating.

I do need to remind myself that Rome wasn't built in a day. I always acknowledge that I've learned this will be an uphill climb, and a journey, and then wonder why I don't have life figured out in a week.

So grateful for you all and thank you for taking the time to reply <3

Hawking22, 39 days is a significant start but it is not enough to embed a new way of life. I think one year plus is when you may have new life habits.

Each day you are weakening the drinking habit and more so on the difficult days you remain AF despite desire and craving.

The best thing I did to bolster my sobriety was to practice gratitude every day. :) And I find that being grateful makes me happier. :)

https://www.nytimes.com/2015/11/22/o...pier.html?_r=0