Can't handle it
 

Just when I thought I had moved on the widow of my ex has been back since yesterday across the road. His stepdaughter is there as well. It's brought it all back the horrible way they treated me. Like I was just some **** to be trampled on. It's like de ja vu. I 2as moving on and doing much better. His widow may be moving back in as his money was paying the rent on the new place. I don't know what is happening as per normal. She can't get to work from here. I feel like a prisoner with a mob of horrible gangsters across the road. I live in a townhouse so it's not even really a road. I am feeling all the terrible feeling again. Plus I am now drinking. I am scared they will knock on my door.

You know that drinking won't help, and will, in fact, make things worse. :(

Hi sweetichick

It might all coming to nothing and they might put the place on the market...but
I think neighbours are pretty much something we have to live with.

I have a few problem neighbours too.

I don't see them that much and I'm sure you can work out your fay to day life like that too.

You really won't know what you can handle until you try yeah ?

drinking and trying to run away in that sense is just going to get you sicker and more infirm - and less mobile and more housebound.

D

I had to stop blaming other's for things me,myself and I intentionally kept doing to myself, with my own actions. Be real here,Sweetie..you know the drinking is your own doing. You seemed to be doing well,then vanished and went back to the bottle after the MD appt.Come'on..you have got to have some personal ownership in all of this, if you really want to get better.

I totally own all of this. I just couldn't handle the pain. I am trying to distract my self with shows on the internet. I feel involved because we were in a relationship for 3 years. His exwives being right outside my house doesn't help. I can't move my parents have too big a cut in the house. He only died 3 weeks ago.

Being treated like a meaningless slutt doesn't help

What kind of income did he have? State/Goverment..job,retirement,ect?

Hi Sweetie. It sounds like you are having a really rough time. Is there anywhere you can get away too, for the day? It sounds really claustrophobic where you are, especially if you are drinking. I know it's hard but you can turn it around xx

A disability because of his eyes

Thanks Gabe. They finally left. The library. Wasn't even open today as it is Sunday. Talked to my dad. Need to put a plan in place which doesn't involve drinking when his second wife is there.

That's why I asked. I mean this as compassionately as possible...Since he's now gone so are his benefits( rent money). Unless you guy's do it differently than the US. I have several rental properties and when people pass away, the checks stop coming in from the Gov. . They are probably cleaning his stuff out before the next rental payment day.

I mean this kindly. Three is no reason to drink because his wife his there . Shut your curtains or go in another room. It's just an excuse to drink really. Drinking AT her is only harming you. They are getting on with their own stuff. It makes no difference to her. Please focus on yourself and your recovery and pay them no attention and no space in your head

I am okay now. They have gone. His widow might be back from work later. I wish I could sleep. As soon as I hear anything from across the road I wake up. Just a carryover from my ex. God please give me peace. Forgive all my sins.

I really hope you can get past all this Sweetichick - your recovery needs to be and needs to stay the most important thing in your life right now.

D

I totally agree Dee. I can't go on like this . Only God can save me now.

Hi hon. I am so sorry that you’re going through this. Something I “hear” in your post - pain, shame, anger.

You’ve got to forgive yourself and him. You’re not the first person in the world to be involved with a married person. He’s not the first married liar. It’s over and he’s gone. And you’ve learned a great deal. Forgive yourself. You’re a good person, sweetichick. You don’t have to torture yourself with this forever.

Another thing I “hear” is something that we alcoholics do a lot - make ourselves the center of the universe. Chances are that his ex-wife and daughter aren’t even thinking about you right now. That sounds harsh, but they just lost someone who was very important in their lives. Even their past anger towards you was probably more about him. You’re in your house obsessing, and they’re probably just grieving and preparing to move on. But your mind has twisted it all up.

Forgive yourself, please. Then forgive him and them. And please, please don’t drink.

until you take drinking off the table, nothing is going to change. unless you stop finding excuses to drink, nothing is going to change. that alcohol doesn't magically appear in your house, you physically go and get more. you make the decision to drink and you make the decision to acquire more alcohol.

what are you willing to change. it comes down to you.

God's going to need your help, too, sweeti.

Sweeti, you can do this. Try to get yourself outside today for a bit, it always seems to help to be in nature. Jump in the shower, and go for a short walk if you are physically up to it. Is there a park, lake, mountain nearby?

I hear all of your pain sweetichick! But nothing will be made better by drinking. It will just make the problems worse. For me I found that life did get better after quitting drinking. But all of my problems did not go away. Life happens and will continue to be up and down drinking or not, and I realized I just had to deal with things head on.