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From day 2 back to day 0

Old 08-11-2018, 09:04 PM
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From day 2 back to day 0

I need to be honest, I couldn’t do it. I drank two minis thinking that would cut it. Then a few hours later went and got two more, then a few hours later two more at a different store. I took a naltrexone before all of this which is a positive as it’s preventing my brain from releasing certain endorphins which means I’m training my brain to not register alcohol as pleasurable. I’m not endorsing this, this is what my doctor gave me and this is what I’m taking. I have hope over time it will help me. I think when you’re depressed is the worst time to try to quit. Just trying to eat better and the naltrexone today has lifted my mood. I can’t explain why I drank other than I just felt like I was crawling out of my skin or something.
Just wanted to be honest. Had nothing to do with the guy, I haven’t contacted him. I just felt like I couldn’t do it today. I hope yo start over tomorrow, I really do.
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Old 08-11-2018, 09:18 PM
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Originally Posted by Truthseeker11 View Post
I think when you’re depressed is the worst time to try to quit.
(((Truth)))

I used to justify my drinking as self-medicating my depression.

In actuality, the drinking fueled my depression.

It took me some solid sober time under my belt to be able to see that, in retrospect.

Once I removed alcohol from the equation, I was better equipped to deal with my depression.

I look forward to seeing you here tomorrow, for your day one.

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Old 08-11-2018, 09:23 PM
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Hi Truthseeker:

The truth is the vast, vast majority of us are serial relapsers. Brush yourself down and get back to the August class. There are still plenty of days left in this month to have totalled at least two weeks sobriety before it ends.

Regards,

JT
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Old 08-11-2018, 09:45 PM
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Thank you both, I’ll try my best to start over again tomorrow. Yes I think the alcohol fuels the depression but there is a period of brain chemistry readjustment if you quit while depressed that is really hard to get through. Probably takes weeks if not months. No excuses though, I don’t want to perpetuate this feeling, it’s already bad. It will probably just take longer to feel normal. And yes I do still have time to beat my 12 days before the month is up. Would love that.
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Old 08-11-2018, 10:06 PM
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I'm afraid alcohol was like gasoline to the fire of my depression and anxiety.
The more you mess with brain chemistry the harder you'll find this truthseeker.

I hope I'm not sounding unsympathetic but I really believe there's only one way out of active addiction and that's to fight it with both hands.

Next time you feel like drinking, why not post here instead? That would really be a step forward for you

D
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Old 08-11-2018, 10:20 PM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
I'm afraid alcohol was like gasoline to the fire of my depression and anxiety.
The more you mess with brain chemistry the harder you'll find this truthseeker.

I hope I'm not sounding unsympathetic but I really believe there's only one way out of active addiction and that's to fight it with both hands.

Next time you feel like drinking, why not post here instead? That would really be a step forward for you

D
This is true, it really does mess with your brain chemistry. I thought about posting here but my AV won out. But I promise next time I feel like drinking I will post here, even though it often springs up on me out of nowhere. I usually mull over it for awhile. Time enough to post here and hear what others have to say. I just feel yucky now, like why, why did I do that? I got nothing from it but regret! It felt good for twenty minutes then it wore off and I repeated three times and what did I get? Nothing except knowing in ingested six ounces of poison into my wonderful, tolerant, forgiving body (it’s giving up though), and I’m $12 poorer. Thanks for your advice.
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Old 08-11-2018, 10:21 PM
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Originally Posted by Truthseeker11 View Post
Yes I think the alcohol fuels the depression but there is a period of brain chemistry readjustment if you quit while depressed that is really hard to get through. Probably takes weeks if not months..
I hope you can 'get it', I really do and I say this as kindly as possible... I'm just unsure how the above makes any sense or where you heard it from. If alcohol fuels your depression(it fueled mine, along with added anxiety) and you can't quit while depressed...then you're going to be stuck in a never ending 'loop' of drinking. I mean you had made it 12days already,while depressed... Are you planning on drinking until your depression goes away?..that'll never perminately happen at this point. You've crossed that "line" with the drink already.

Edit: just saw dee's post.
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Old 08-11-2018, 10:36 PM
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Hi Truthseeker, I just wanted to add some support. I know what it's like to relapse on a regular basis and it's horrendous. I have depression and anxiety too, my mental health just falls apart when I drink.
Love and best wishes to you. Keep trying and it pay off xxx
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Old 08-11-2018, 10:43 PM
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Originally Posted by DontRemember View Post
I hope you can 'get it', I really do and I say this as kindly as possible... I'm just unsure how the above makes any sense or where you heard it from. If alcohol fuels your depression(it fueled mine, along with added anxiety) and you can't quit while depressed...then you're going to be stuck in a never ending 'loop' of drinking. I mean you had made it 12days already,while depressed... Are you planning on drinking until your depression goes away?..that'll never perminately happen at this point. You've crossed that "line" with the drink already.

Edit: just saw dee's post.
I understand that you can’t understand the level of my mood swings. Timing of quitting can determine my success or not. If I’m having bad PMS which I suffer terribly from, it’s not an ideal time to quit but I’m trying it anyway. There is a week afterwards where my mood is relatively stable and getting through the first week is a lot easier. Not making excuses. I understand though that men may not understand. I’m at an age where my moods are all over. It makes it a lot harder though it’s always been hard for me to quit. I’m just hoping that the worst of this depression will get out of the way soon so this will not be so damn hard. And yes it is vicious cycle!
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Old 08-11-2018, 10:47 PM
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Originally Posted by Gabe1980 View Post
Hi Truthseeker, I just wanted to add some support. I know what it's like to relapse on a regular basis and it's horrendous. I have depression and anxiety too, my mental health just falls apart when I drink.
Love and best wishes to you. Keep trying and it pay off xxx
Thank you Gabe! And you are right. Drinking only makes us feel worse. I really can’t wait to feel normal and not suffer from those two terrible afflictions anymore. I will keep trying!
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Old 08-11-2018, 10:52 PM
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well you've got me and DontRemember with that one

but I hope you'll hear from other women. PMS is an issue for sure, but it needn't be a dealbreaker.

There really is no good time to quit for anyone, so I hope you won't allow you self to be convinced to wait for a good time.

D
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Old 08-11-2018, 11:10 PM
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Another woman here! I get it, I totally get it. I have PMDD. It's horrific but a combo of things really helped me. If you haven't get to your docs and ask for help. I was all manner of crazy during that time. It's really hard and you have my sympathies. I will say though that my hormonal stuff has got better through treatment and sober time. I still suffer if I relapse at the wrong time of the month, in a very obviously way. xxxx

Edit: oh god, I just realised how awful that statement was. Spoken by a serial relapser, I'm working on that x
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Old 08-11-2018, 11:11 PM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
well you've got me and DontRemember with that one

D
Done played 'that card' on us.

TS, PMS and 'life stuff' IS just an excuse..you don't get a day off from your children do you? You can see/read my thread history on here and see how hard it was for me throughout the years..Several breakups from a 13+yr relationship..daughter troubles..business troubles..people dying in my arms,that I had cared for 7+yrs..ect..LIFE. The only one I didn't drink at/over was the last one. I was about 15mo sober(I'm about 19 now) at the time..They were/are only excuses. The planets will never align for sobriety. It's on me,us,you to get the help we need and take the action(s) towards that goal. Even when sober, life still happens.. Have you considered AA?
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Old 08-11-2018, 11:31 PM
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Sorry to hear you drank again.
I don't mean to sound harsh but if you are waiting for a good time to quit -it will never come. The only time to quit is now. It hurts it's painful depression and anxiety peak in the early days but it does get better and better.

As others have said it's the drinking that fuels depression and anxiety. I have had a long period sobriety in the past and my depression disappeared and my anxiety was under control.both conditions just get worse with drinking.

Making a plan down when you get cravings is the best thing that worked for me
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Old 08-12-2018, 08:49 AM
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Ditto to what others have posted. Drinking makes everything worse, both mentally and physically. I also had suffered bad PMS. Now I’m having bad menopause. I’m not sure which is worse! I also suffer from phases of anxiety and depression, which is partly due to my genetic makeup and partly brought on by life stress. I drank to self medicate and ease the pain of all of it. While a few drinks made me feel better in the immediate short term, in the long run it made everything worse and I also had poor judgement and made bad decisions while drinking. I see so much more clearly now that I don’t drink at all. I’d rather stay present and feel intensely through a day of family or work stress or bad hot flashes and feel good that usually the next day it’s all behind me (or at least I continue to handle things in a healthy way), than drink through it and create more emotional and physical anguish for myself for three days or longer then just stay caught up in that whole loop. It’s really horrible. I don’t know if this makes sense? I hope you will consider additional support like AA as another posted or maybe therapy? Therapy has been a tremendous support for me. It does take a while to even out so be kind to yourself!
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Old 08-12-2018, 08:56 AM
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Originally Posted by DontRemember View Post
Done played 'that card' on us.

TS, PMS and 'life stuff' IS just an excuse..you don't get a day off from your children do you? You can see/read my thread history on here and see how hard it was for me throughout the years..Several breakups from a 13+yr relationship..daughter troubles..business troubles..people dying in my arms,that I had cared for 7+yrs..ect..LIFE. The only one I didn't drink at/over was the last one. I was about 15mo sober(I'm about 19 now) at the time..They were/are only excuses. The planets will never align for sobriety. It's on me,us,you to get the help we need and take the action(s) towards that goal. Even when sober, life still happens.. Have you considered AA?
I have to agree with this also. My history with depression and even a diagnosis of bipolar then BPD (neither exactly correct as it has evolved, in sobriety) as well as lifelong anxiety....none of it was legit excuses not to quit. Harder to break a cycle and scary to quit drinking for sure- also the only way to end those cycles. And now I can deal with anxiety as my primary mental health concern.

The bottom line is an alcoholic has one ultimate choice: quit or die. That second one is a matter of when why and how.

I know you are new here and I am not tying to be unsympathetic at all. In fact, I can r late to the vicious cycl s of mental illness and they are indeed real. But is is too important not to be completely honest right here and now.
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Old 08-12-2018, 10:12 AM
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Dear darling Truthseeker,

No one here is judging you for relapsing - I have lurked around here and read enough posts to see that every person on here has fallen off the sobriety bicycle, gotten back on, hit a rough patch, tumbled off, lain on the ground bleeding, tried to get up , managed to get seated, pedaled a little bit, fell down again, and then finally hit their rhythm.
Where people are gently calling BS is on your reasons why it is too hard to put down the drink now. If your house were on fire, depression would not keep you from grabbing your kid and dad and heading out the door.
I am a woman. I don't think I've had a sober month since I was old enough to drink and I am 62 now. I've drunk my way through PMS, divorce, pre-menopause, menopause, death of parents, depression, anxiety attacks, money issues, kid issues. I can't think of one way that alcohol actually helped - I thought it did at the time, but that was my screwy thinking, not the reality.
What I will give you is that it does take a certain amount of resolve and mental energy to not drink when it is so much easier to drink when you are depressed. For me, it took a couple of episodes in the middle of the night wondering if I was having a heart attack, couple of visits to ER, couple of other health scares before I said, "This sh*&t is so not worth it!" I pray that it will not take another ER visit and scaring the bejesus out of your kids and your dad to make you say the same. You have done this before, you can ride this bicycle. But I guarantee that "waiting" for a better time to stop drinking is just a lie you're telling yourself. Your liver says "Today would be good. I could use a break." Your heart will thank you. Your stomach will feel happy, which in turn will help your brain feel happy. This fugly feeling is temporary. It's like the flu, miserable but doable. I believe you can do this. Don't believe everything that falls into your head. Good luck to you, and welcome back to the bike ride.
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Old 08-12-2018, 10:34 AM
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I am a woman and will be the first in line to say I understand when you say, "but you don't understand me!" When I do that, I'm really (unconsciously) setting myself up to drink. Because if no one understands me or no one has it as bad as I do, then why wouldn't I have the best reasons in the world to drink?

Alcohol does not help with PMS - it makes things worse.
Alcohol does not help with depression - it's a depressant.

You're only out 6 ounces and $12. It could've been much worse. Take a nice bath and a nap if you are so inclined.

O
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Old 08-12-2018, 10:38 AM
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Been there an I timed my quit, too. Folks don’t understand how hard the week before can be. BUT - drinking made my PMS 10x worse. Since I started trying to quit and getting 30 days here and there, I noticed a big difference. Now it’s almost gone.

So I get that it seems impossible to quit when you’re in the worst of the cyclical depression, but one of the things that improves that depression (at least for me) is quitting.

Good luck, and you can do this!!
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Old 08-12-2018, 11:05 AM
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if we don't choose NOW as the time to quit, we will always find another excuse to keep drinking. alcohol is not a recommended TREATMENT for anything. not pms, not depression, not breakups, not any other ailment or issue. period.
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